The idea I had behind this thread is to start one where some folks with a few 24 hours under their belt can share what didn’t work for them along their way and where they finally found lasting success!
I was thinking this thread could possibly help those that are new to sobriety and struggling by hearing the stories and roads others have traveled. I know we all go down our own paths with it, but there may be something that resonates with others and helps someone else out.
So, where have YOU found success to start stringing time together and what kept you sticking with it long term? Anything you wish you could have told yourself when you started or earlier in your sober journey? Any advice you would want to share with anyone starting out and struggling?
Dont do it by yourself! Had i heard that a couple decades ago i would have been sober sooner. For years I just tried to quit by not drinking…took so much more.
What didn’t work for me was white knuckling it… Basically just stopping without finding any kind of daily support. Once I found others going through the same thing, found an outlet where I could vent and relate and engage with others… That’s what helped to start accumulating hours/days.
From there I really focused on being honest with myself to start with, trying to stay in the moment, figuring out the steps to take before I got to “Fuck it”, playing the tape to the end and holding myself accountable.
Because I “quit” so many times for short periods, I was under the false impression that I’ll quit for good one day. “Quittings easy, I’ve done it thousands of times” became believable. I started to realize that everytime I quit quitting it got worse and worse. Well, now I want better and better so I’ll make it stick this time, whatever it takes.
To anybody who reads this that’s new to sobriety, don’t kid yourself, if your here, you’ve got an issue. Take any help you can.
What didn’t work: White knuckling. Just not drinking (my DOCis booze) was too much to deal with. I didn’t know how to handle the little voice that constantly told me “one drink is okay”.
What did work: AA. I’ll admit that meetings were recommended to me right off the bat but I had every excuse in the book to not go. This time i finally went and it has been a game changer for me. I’ll admit I’m not a superstar member…i don’t have a sponsor and I’m not working the steps…yet…but just being around people who know what you’re going through is amazing. Even when the stories are different we all understand.
No matter how proud, smart and in control I thought I was I had to try a different way. My way failed me for years and my best thinking got me no where and things only got worse. I stopped trying to think my way out and found what worked for others. Telling myself “im better than this” did not work!
Doing things my way did not work at all. I wanted to get clean but I didn’t want to do the whole recovery thing. 3 rehabs and 2 relapses later I was finally ready to start taking suggestions. Still working for me 18 months later.
For me what didnt work was trying to be sober for my wife and mom at that time. I wasnt doing it for myself as i didnt think my problem was that big of a problem. My drinking journey and problems would continue several more years until my rock bottom of July 2017. Now my sobriety means everything to me and my sobriety date is the most important date ever. That date gives everyone near and dear to me a better life as well.
Trying to sober up for others just didnt work.
Trying to moderate by counting drinks, keeping calendars or star charts or limiting the number of days of the week I would drink or the time I would drink or what I would drink.
All these things just served to reinforce the delusion that I was in control, when in fact alcohol was controlling me.
I used to say weird stuff like “Oh, I’m not an alcoholic, but I do have a complex relationship with alcohol.” or “I am not an addict, but I am walking on a tight rope over addiction.”
I’ve been on here 2 years. Longest streak 4 months, currently day 42 (2nd longest!!)
Moderating doesn’t work. I’m not interested in drinking moderately. I tried programs and books that called for moderation.
Therapy kinda sorta hasn’t worked. My therapist doesn’t really get it. She suggested I don’t have a problem, just bored or lonely. Uhh blackouts? It’s not funny!
Self hypnosis. Only drinking around other people.
Not fixing my life. 4 months is great but I was doomed because I didn’t work on my life enough. That includes my mentality and asking those deep questions of myself.
As others have mentioned already, what didn’t work for me was trying to quit drinking on my own.
Another thing that didn’t work for me was me believing I was “fixed” when I came out if rehab. There’s no such, recovery is a life-long journey, as an addict you’re never “fixed”
What is working for me is having a daily plan(which I didn’t take seriously when we were told to write one down in rehab) so that my mind is actually occupied with things other than alcohol. Cannot overestimate the importance of having a daily plan
What didn’t work for me?
Like others have said, trying to do it on my own. Ha! I can moderate, I’d say to myself. No I can’t
Like Thomi says, “I’ll do it when this or this happens”
There is never a better time to do it apart from today!
What worked.
Being honest, with myself and loved ones. Admitting I had a problem was such a freeing experience.
For years I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, I mean, aren’t they the guys living in the gutter with the cheap strong cider? No, like the big book says we come from all walks of life and can be found anywhere on the social strata.
Listening to people who have been there, understanding that it’s a hard journey, but worth it in the end.
Having an open mind to try anything and everything, and being prepared to change my life.
So far so good.
If you’re new and reading this thread, then read it and take it in. Let it work around your head for a bit, even if it takes you some time to work it out, you will!
Because it makes sense, you are not unique and you are not alone
What didn’t work for me? Saying, “I’ll quit for a while.” Not admitting that my drinking and resulting benzo use was a massive problem. Like others, I still had “everything,” a social life, car, job, place to live. So I thought I was fine. Until my anxiety and mental health unraveled so bad that I had to commit myself to inpatient psychiatric care. Even then I only quit “for a while.” The second time however, that was the time I finally said “I’M DONE!”
What worked? Saying those two words, and meaning them. Committing to IOP, time off work, new therapist and psychiatrist, a clinic for dual diagnosis. And a lot more. I still take it a minute at a time sometimes, even at 22+ months, but the “never again” always remains fixed in the front and back of my mind.
Well, I couldn’t really get sober while I was still drinking! Things that kept me in active alcoholism were denial of the seriousness of my condition and my responsibility for it; freaking out about quitting FOREVER; fantasizing about quitting “some day”; blaming other people and conditions for my consequences.
What worked for me were two basic changes. 1) I committed to not drinking for one day, each day 2) I made a concrete plan of behavior that led me away from the likelihood of taking a drink.
BTW, I totally identify with Tomi’s honest post - thank you @Mephistopheles!
Only drinking on weekends didn’t work. It sort of did for a while because it made me functional but
then that’s how I became a binge drinker.
It didn’t work for me when I held onto an inner rebellious voice that let me lie to myself. I would work on myself, cut down alcohol but the little planner in the background was not done. It would hide for a while. It didn’t work if I ignored those “double thoughts”. If I cought myself thinking “ok, for now”. If I was feeling secret resentment without challenging it that was a big danger sign.
I quit by starting with a 90 day challenge and the plan to make it to one year. This doesn’t work for a lot of people but it did work for me so far. I think that’s because in order to get that far I had to tackle that other voice that is not with the program.
How many times my alcoholic brain fooled me saying I could.