There are drinkers out there who do Dry January, to give their livers and kidneys etc a break from all the festivities. You could always just say you are giving it a go, if they invite you out again. Or you could just arrange to meet in a coffee shop etc.
I’ve never heard of that. That is a great idea! Thank you!!! I am a coffee fanatic. Never thought to ask them to meet for coffee instead. I love that idea. Definitely going to roll with the January excuse
Since I’ve gone sober no one calls/messages me to hang out anymore
100% try and be honest. Cravings will always come and go, it’s a road to recovery, not a day. Let them know what you’re doing.
It’s a great place to start, letting them know you are doing Dry January and most especially to suggest coffee or a walk in the park or something that does not have alcohol at it. Then you can gain some confidence and still visit. Just please do not expect to go hang at a bar and drink coffee while others drink alcohol…believe me, in early sobriety, this is a recipe for disaster. So baby that sobriety and be gentle with yourself…let’s meet at the coffee shop, then talk a walk can be your new motto!!
I always had abstinent phases and even after 15 years of dry december and dry fasting period before easter some of my friends did’nt get it that I don’t drink alcohol (then).
I gave up attending partys where some of my friends just flood in prosecco because it’s boring. I prefer meeting for a nice sunday breakfast at one of our wonderful cafes. Or a comfortable call on phone or zoom. I like to communicate with my friends, not to hang around with annoying drunk people who babble the same every 5 minutes
For me that’s a general advantage of beeing sober: I like good talks with smart people, take the time for them, listen and talk attentively. And I like my friends more when they don’t behave like drunken idiots because they are lovely and smart I just avoid seeing them when they drink. As I sayed - drunk people are boring for me
As I’m an early to bed person, I don’t feel I miss something when not joining for an evening out. Dinner at 6 pm is fine
Wish you all the best to get along well
I had a lot of those this week. It was easier than I thought.
- No thanks, I am driving. Makes me nervous, lots of cops out there.
- Do you have any coffee/tea? I am really tired.
- Can I get a water,or sparkling water? I am really thirsty.
- No thanks.
- Not right now.
- I might get some later.
- I cant go out, I got exposed to several people with covid. ( It was true in my case. Does not have to be true for you.)
I have one friend that doesn’t get it. He ignores me when I tell him I’m doing this for my health and he doesn’t respect my boundaries when I tell him I won’t be drinking.
I have learned that his behavior is a reflection on him, not me. He doesn’t want to lose a drinking buddy because then he’ll have to face his own demons. At some point we either grow or become stagnant, and I’d like to grow.
Just keep telling them no, keep making excuses if that’s what helps you, keep ignoring them – whatever you have to do to stay the course and keep your boundaries. It’s hard for sure! Good luck
I didn’t, and don’t, make excuses.
I would tell them I’ve given up drinking and serious about it. No further elaboration needed.
Some were understanding and accepting. Those people stayed in my life.
Those who would try to derail my efforts or convince me otherwise – well, good riddance.
They don’t call me anymore, they all had problems with the sauce too. Maybe someday they’ll sober up too
I drank and drugged for 22 years, so even after some years sober I’d imagine so people might occasionally offer me drinks. Especially ones I haven’t seen in a while. And honestly who could blame them? I spent most of my adult life in a chemical induced stupor. Can’t really expect everyone to change that perception overnight, or in some cases, at all. And it doesn’t matter to me. If someone asks if I want to go drinking I’ll politely decline. If they ask all the time I’ll do the same thing. I don’t find it disrespectful. That doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive in my opinion. Maybe they are struggling to find a new connection with me or maybe they enjoy drinking and want to share that with me.
Just because I got sober doesn’t mean everyone should adapt to my new lifestyle. Maybe I should be the one adapting. I’m the one who changed after all. I’m not going to throw away years of friendship because someone doesn’t change to suit me. That type of hardline makes me exactly the same as them
The calls quickly stoped when I said I quit drinking, or they just laughed and said I’ll see you soon… I felt like nobody is taking me serious. That’s a hard one to swallow when you realize who was just a drinking friend or who actually was a friend I’m down to my kids and everyone is gone… and guess what I’m ok with that. That’s why I’m here.
I feel you. I’ve lost most of my "friends " now that I don’t drink or smoke cannabis anymore. I spend most of my time either alone or with my kids. I’ve recently looked into doing volunteer work in my community as well. Some days are unbearably lonely, but I’ve got my craft and I come here. Cheers
You don’t have to give an excuse, you owe nothing to anyone.
If you must, give a reason. And the reason being the truth.
Own your truth
When I first started I had a lot of friends like that now that they know I don t drink they don t bother anymore its cool with me everyone has a choice in this life.
Is lying to them off the table? If not, you could just make up a story about a doctors visit and some health issues that you want to keep to yourself. Kind of like: doc told me that I have a chronical illness that worsen whenever I consume alcohol. You can google different illnesses to find one suitable for your story, or you may just say that its for health reasons and that you prefer not to disclose it to anyone.
If honesty is a virtue in every aspect of your life you can just tell them the truth. Drinking got out of hand for a while, and that you need to recover and stay away from liquor for some time.
Pros and cons, lying: they are more likely to stay off your back. Why? Because if they are half decent friends theyll think you’re sick and would not risk your health or your life. Booze just isnt THAT important to anyone, but the worst kind of drunknards. Cons: you’re lying to your best friends and that feels just sad. Besides, you’ll need to keep remembering the lie for as long as you intend to stay sober.
Remembering made up stores are indeed exhausting and outright tiresome.
Telling them the truth, pros: You dont have to lose your integrity. You respect both your firends and yourself enough to let them into a volnurable and privat part of your life. This is an invitation into a even deeper level of friendship. You might even raise some concerns in them about their own drinking patterns.
Cons: They may not respect you nor your reasons for quitting booze. But then again, do you really want to have such narcissistic firends in the first place?
NEVER is it OK to lie in sobriety. As addicts we were all most likley professional liars in our past, we all now try to live authentic lives.
It is never a good idea to suggest to someone to lie, let alone lie about there health.
The truth is always the right choice.
Nothing about this is OK. Nothing.
You don’t lie to friends, let alone lie about your health.
In sobriety, we are honest.
“Sorry, I don’t drink. Have fun though!”
Kidding, but not kidding. If they’re friendships that always revolved around getting blotto at the bar, that was really it for me.
Other friends may like to go out, but drinking was never the main attraction. Honestly now, after working a lot of recovery, I’ll meet them to catch up and hang out. But they also know I’m sober now, that it’s important to me, and respect that.
Wise though to just steer clear a while. And I was nervous being honest, but it did help me find more secure sobriety. Including the kind of company that’s sober fun.
Which is why I kind of adviced the OP against it. If you read your way towards the end of my post you’d see that I kind of gave my personal verdict as to which choice I would find preferable.
I’m a practicing catholic and as such I find lies morally despicable except from when lives can be saved only true making up stories.