First off, what I really don’t love. I feel like everyone is a robot and I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be a drunk either, I just need a support group to keep me strong. I don’t need a topic every night and to hear the word God every other sentence, even though I’m very spiritual. I don’t need to hear how ‘we’ all are different and cannot just have one beer. I did two nights ago just to show I’m not what they say I am. I don’t need to go over every second of my life with a sponsor and be reborn. I don’t need to talk about God and my love for people I don’t know every night. I don’t need to hear every day is a grind because that scares the heck out of me. I personally can’t ever get drunk. Drinking indiscriminately could lead to me getting drunk which leads to a binge which has always been my downfall.
What I love about AA and why enjoy the meetings. I do need to hear about how badly alcohol has destroyed lives. I do need to hear it gets worse. I do need to hear about the lost friends and relatives and opportunities and how it ruins lives. I do need to hear about the crippling anxiety and the suicidal thoughts. I personally like hearing about that stuff every single day because that reminds me of how I was/am and why I can’t drink. Just my two cents.
I have a problem, I definitely have a problem. And it was dumb what I did but I got tired of hearing in every meeting‘we’re all here because we’re not capable of having just one drink. We have to keep drinking.’ And that’s not exactly me. I have a huge problem just not defined by the rules of SA. And I think that scares people away.
Also did a speaker series but I didn’t know it was and I spent about 10 minutes talking about me only to basically be told this meeting isn’t about me. And I felt like a jerk and wouldn’t go back to that group.
If I didn’t admit I had a problem, I certainly wouldn’t be going to meetings and be on this forum. I’m not doing it because I have nothing better to do.
I echo the comment about trying different groups. Each group has its own little niche – and depending on the group size there can be clusters within. My guess is that if you try a few groups, you will find a place you feel less uncomfortable (honestly you aren’t going to feel comfortable for a while).
In the early days, the one thing that I always kept in mind when I did not feel like I fit in or saw things the same way it was being preached to me – was to look at my experience as a whole. Sure I could cherry-pick the times I kept the train on the tracks, but I can’t ignore the number of derailments and the damage done by those derailments.
Conor, forgiven. You’re trying to help and I appreciate that. Good news is I found a group I love. I’ll try others too just to see if I enjoy those but my plan is to go to at least one meeting a day, hopefully more. The day I stop hearing the stories and hearing how alcohol has destroyed so many lives is the day I get complacent. And I know even though I have a great job, plenty of money, I can be those guys quickly if I let my guard down.
I’m very glad you found another group that you like. I agree that not all meetings are the same. One thing I’d like to say is God’s a huge part of the AA program. If that bothers you I’m sorry. I would also caution you with testing the one drink thing. I am an alcoholic and I know that I could drink a beer today and walk away. The problem is we who are truly alcoholic will not get away with that for very long. It WILL trigger the allergy and it WILL at some point become impossible to stop. You said you were a binge drinker. That alone should tell you this experiment won’t last for long. I tried to get sober on and off for 27 years trying all sorts of different methods. I will never tell anyone that AA is the only way to sobriety because it just isn’t true but for me AA has truly saved my life and opened doors that I thought were closed forever. I have also met some amazing people in those rooms. You mentioned telling a sponsor your life story. The 5th step is not a detailed account of all the nasty little things we have done in our life. We are told in the big book to list our resentments, fears and sex misconduct. We share this with someone we trust soley so we can have a full idea of what our part in all it was and to see where we have been selfish, self seeking, and afraid. If we don’t look at what the REAL issues are we can never expect to change and be free of the obsession to drink. I hope you find a meeting that works for you brother. I was told if God pushes you out the doors of AA booze will bring you back in. I hope that doesn’t have to happen. We all deserve to be happy and free.
It was a dumb experiment. I drank a few beers and tossed out the sixer. Not planning on trying to think I can become a Normal drinker. Appreciate your input.
I’m glad I read this because I’m wanting support group type influences in my life. My circle of friends are not going to stop using, but I am needing to be sober, now!
I always felt uncomfortable around 12-step programs. There are some nice people there. It is encouraging to see someone question AA and their contemporaries. I am glad it works for others but I would like to be sober, too. I like speaker meetings, too. Maybe I could go to just speaker meetings. Anyway, AA isn’t going away. Theyy practically run the nation’s court programs dealing with substance abuse. Thanks for your post.
I find extremely therapeutic. Free therapy catered to alcohol dependence is more than I could ever ask for. I’m a mess strictly due to alcohol abuse. And I can go to meetings all day, every day if I choose. There are meetings of all types all day, everywhere. For free. That’s invaluable. Without AA I’d be paying $200 an hour to talk about alcohol dependence with someone who would put me on medicine and fit her needs over mine. That’s the least AA can do. At its best, AA can provide you so much more. It’s full of positive, spiritual people who have seen the worst of dependence and are happy for another day. So my negatives are not overly negative. I’m grateful for AA and I need AA.
Let me rephrase that. I’ve said for years I was a mess strictly due to alcohol abuse. And it certainly has become my biggest problem by far in my life. But AA in the short time I’ve been there has let me realize I had issues before alcohol abuse that I’ve been masking by being the biggest drunk I could be for 25 years. I was the 15 year old chugging a 12 pack of beer in an hour. That’s not a happy child. Other kids weren’t doing that. My life has been good, with some small and bigger problems like everyone else has. We deal with hurt, sadness, anger. I thought quitting drinking and joining AA would mean all sunshine and rainbows. It hasn’t been that way. It’s made me realize I do have issues, but they’re manageable when I’m not drinking and I can deal with them constructively. And guess what, I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed dealing with them rationally, even my lost friends and loved ones, when I’m not strung out and dealing with such crippling highs and lows.
I have nothing but love for AA. Gave me stability when I was a wreck. Gave me brotherhood when I was feeling alone and isolated. Gave me vision when I couldn’t see how to live without a drink. Gave me acceptance when I needed to be in control of everything.
