I read so many nice posts on here from people that know that it’s right for them to be done with this life. I know I am an alcoholic now, but why do I not want to stop? Sometimes I wish I’d go too far so someone might noticed, but I always wake up for work and manage to hide it from all the people I know, or at least I think I do. Why am I not done yet? I am scared of drinking for another 20 years when I know it’s a problem right now. It’s getting worse year on year and I am worried I will waste my whole life.
The thought of a rock bottom scares me, won’t I be able to stop before that or am In destined to ruin my whole life with this?
Someone did notice… You noticed.
And you’re the most important person to have notice it as you need to do this for yourself, not because someone else noticed.
Sounds like you’re getting real close to being sick of your own shit.
Give it a crack now, it might be the time that sticks.
There comes a time when your sick and tired of being sick and tired and you’re ready to get honest with yourself and put the work in. I don’t really believe a rock bottom exists Other than death I guess.
Thank you Steve - I know I am sick right now, but tomrrow I might feel better and want to do it all over again. I am thinking where has my self respect gone? I keep repeating this thing again and again. I know I need to stop but I feel like I can’t. My drinking is becoming more and more pathetic, I drink alone all the time now, to the point where its a novelty if someone asks me for a drink and I actually have company. I am ashameed of my drinking now, and ashamed of who I am in general
The shame will just hold you back. All I really know is what is working for me. Odaat and not overthinking it. Start with one day and build. Have you done any meetings or groups? Isolation isn’t helpful.
Not sure what your experience is. In the end it doesn’t matter because inevitably you will sober up for only one person - yourself.
No matter how shitty you’ve ever felt about what you’ve done to others while drinking, did it ever matter in the end? Did the thought of losing them ever stop you in the end?
It has to be for you. Locked up, Covered up or Sobered up. Your choice!
I had to hit rock bottom and I will be paying for it in many ways, for many years. If you are realizing it before something catastrophic happens, then listen to that angel on your shoulder. Glad you’re here.
Most of us have had that exact thought. If you are here, and you are questioning…then some part of you knows the answer…
The problem is that the voice of addiction is the voice that is speaking. In the moment, that voice “makes sense”…in the moment that voice appears to give light to a dark path that is being walked.
That sense, that light is absolutley false and only serves to keep you addicted.
When i got sober…about day 3 or 5…I started a list of all the bad things alcohol brought to my life, all the people i hurt…It was eye opening and started to end the insanity that is alcoholism
You’re writing betrays you, it weeps of desperation, it cries out that you want to quit, whether you acknowledge it or not. You want to quit. Reread what you’ve written, but take yourself out of it, as if you’re reading somebody else’s thoughts on here and then tell me what you think.
We get this one brief but beautiful ride, and then that’s it. There’s no rewind button. No do over. If this is not the life you want to live, fucking stop. Go in another direction. You do not have to hit societies idea of rock-bottom. You can decide this is your rock-bottom. Rock-bottom can only be measured by the person digging the hole. When others think we arrived, we find a way to go deeper. And when we think we’ve arrived, there’s a shovel waiting for us. so, we go a little further. Not realizing that we decide where our rock-bottom ends and not remembering that rock bottom, demands we pay a price for the ride back up.
I have never been to a meeting, but I was close going a few weeks ago. That would probably be a good step. What about telling my familly though, my problem is a big secret in my life right now,I am scared of the the people I know are not addicts at ALL
I think it would be a great step. As far as telling your family that’s up to you. I don’t know your circumstances or your family.
I would focus on starting on day 1 and go from there.
I wrote that exact statement almost 6 years ago. It took me 90 days to get the courage to go. If i could go back in time, i would drag past monkey into a meeting.
Its hard to believe right now, but you will leave that first meeting full of empowerment, full of courage, full of new friends…just GO!!!
I don’t know you but likely it’s not like that at all. Drunk, you’re just not you.
Your response doesn’t relate to what I said. If you keep trying to sober up for others it may never happen. It’s your life. You need to want to do it to for yourself first and foremost.
Picture yourself in another 20 years. What if you’re still doing this then?
You ask why are you not done yet? What we interpret as pleasure from alcohol is in fact only relief from withdrawal. Hence the never ending cycle.
I remember thinking when I was just getting started and trying to hide a beer under the coffee table: “What if I’m still doing this 10 years from now?”
I been going through this with meth i am a pro. I always go to work eat 3 or 4 meals a day so i dont loose weight and never use after 2 pm so I can sleep. I never hit bottom this time but after battling with myself for months i decided to reach out to sober friends and eventually found na. Just dont let it take you away if you need to talk hit me up
I just think people forget that really we’re in control of our lives. If we weren’t able to make a choice to stop, recovery wouldn’t be an option. Our sobriety is a gift, not all given. My husband was one of the ones who died before he ever made it to the rooms of recovery. His Rockbottom being death. A man who fought and wanted to stop, but also didn’t, and ended up dying alone inside of a porta potty on his job site, from a fentanyl overdose. My rock bottom was his death. It didn’t have to be though.
I know it’s a fight and I know your mind will torment you as my own mind continues to remind me there’s only 18inch between a halo and a noose. So I get it. Just remember you’re not a bad person trying to get good; you’re a sick person trying to get well. You suffer from the disease of addiction. Also, don’t worry about those who will be critical of you throughout your recovery journey. A critic is just a person who goes onto the battlefield after the battle has been fought and shoots the survivors.
Glad you are reaching out , @Sliver . Keep doing it. Keep working on being sober. Use all the tools you have at your disposal, including this forum. I’m rooting for you!
