Hello everyone. My name is Robert. I am new here and still trying to figure this out, so bear with me!
So, i am new to this recovery idea. After i was discharged from the USMC, i turned heavily to opiates to deal with the pain i endured from the years spent in active duty, the shame and guilt i felt from the things i had done. I also used stimulants to try and get the adrenaline i am missing from the action that had kept me going. All in all, this is a struggle, but i am built to endure.
Over the past 9 1/2 yrs. I have destroyed my identity and have done things i would never have done had my situation not occurred. There is a ton of guilt for becoming this way, but i am here now trying to get past all this.
I am glad to be here and look forward to getting to know some positive people. Until then…
Hi robert! Welcome to the forum! Thank u for sharing a bit about urself. I have never been in active duty but i have had a past that i was trying to escape from by using drugs.
We cant change what we have done in the past but we can make our future bright by making better choices today 
take it one day at a time. Come on here often, read, and share. This forum has been the biggest help for me in getting clean. Honestly, idk where id be without it. Wishing u all the best!
Welcome to TS. This community has been crucial in my recovery journey, and I hope it’ll be helpful to you as well. There is a lot here to digest, so have a good read around, see what resonates for you. Wish you all the best!
Hi Robert and welcome to TS. You’re in the right place for positive support.
As @Butterflymoonwoman expressed, addiction is a way to escape the feelings of guilt, shame etc, through numbing ourselves. It’s a temporary relief with devastating, lasting consequences.
What I’ve learned through sharing, reading on TS is to take sobriety one minute, hour, day at a time. Let go of the past, and work on what you can control which is your actions right now. It’s not easy, but nothing worth fighting for comes easily. You’ve got this!
Hi! I’m James, nice to meet you. This place has been really valuable to me since I arrived here, and I hope you find the same. I can’t describe how game-changing it is to be able to spend time with others in recovery. People who can really understand the struggle. People with wisdom to learn from and stories to identify with. People to support each other in the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I started having problems with drinking around the time I left university. I just went from having a drink in a normal way, to having a drink because that was what helped me feel normal inside. Then a drink became two, and… you know where this goes. I was so frustrated, I just wanted to be able to feel… just not how I felt, for an hour, once in a while. But that bargaining voice in my head just pushed inch by inch, for more or more often, and I was just in too deep to keep my head above water.
I felt so much guilt for letting this happen to me, I knew better and I meant better, but I fell into addiction anyways. I understood how, but not why. I thought there just must be something wrong with me as a person, that I couldn’t see and couldn’t fix. And the more I continued drinking, and doing things I’d rather not have done in order to support that, the more I thought I was just a terrible person. People would tell me I wasn’t, but I didn’t see how they could possibly understand my situation and still say something like that.
But I am recovering. Reading other people’s stories helps me see my situation from different perspectives. Seeing different personalities, and patterns of addiction, and how they differ but coexist, has helped me make sense of my own. For example, I’m learning where to take responsibility and where to have a bit of room for grace. Generally, I didn’t want to drink. Wanting to drink was my addiction. But choosing to drink as a result of that, was me. It is good for me to take responsibility for my actions, and to acknowledge and remediate my defects, but self-flagellating over things I used to feel isn’t going to be nearly as helpful.
The connections I’ve made with people in recovery, the lessons learned and lives shared, I can’t emphasize enough how impactful that has been for me. I used to relapse frequently, get myself sober only to fall over days, weeks, or months afterward. In a lot of areas in life, I work best alone, but this isn’t one of those things. Once I engaged with others in recovery, I started making way more progress, and found some stability.
I recommend reading a bunch around here, just whatever looks interesting or resonates with you. And don’t be afraid to jump in a discussion if you fancy it.
One of my favourite threads to follow is the Checking In Daily thread. It’s pretty active. Even though I only post once in a while, it’s a privilege getting to see how everyone is doing, just sharing real everyday stuff. And it always puts my day into perspective.
Now, before I build this wall of text any higher… 