@EarnIt asked me to copy my post from the check in thread here. So here it is. Just some of my thoughts on one year of sobriety. Hope to expand on it later.
One year. Thanks so much for all the love and congrats I got from you all today. It means a lot.
For me it really started a year ago when I hadn’t drank for ten days or so. After being in the bar and not drinking there I thought let’s get a bottle of wine. I took it home and drank it. It didn’t take me very long. Finished it before midnight. I thought well that wasn’t very special. I might as well really quit this time. So I did. It really wasn’t more complicated than that and I think that’s actually one of the keys to my success in staying sober so far.
One year later I’m proud and very happy I quit when I did. I think I would not be alive had I gone on drinking. Still these last weeks have been really hard. Stuff that happens hits me hard. Both in the world at large and in my own little one.
So much of my own feelings, emotions, ways of being and ways of handling stuff I don’t understand. So much frustration, so much unhappiness, so much anxiety and stress. Having to face all this unfiltered, sober and clean. It’s hard.
Part of my stress in the last weeks has been this milestone coming. I didn’t even understand that until now. I feel huge relieve. Being praised and getting attention is OK for me I guess, but the prospect of getting praise and attention is totally abhorrent. I don’t understand myself at all in this respect, and in many more.
So much work to do. Being sober is just the start. And a year of sobriety is just the start. It’s an absolute prerequisite to make any progress though. For me and for all of us here. I’m a work in progress. Yay for that!
I’m on my own road. 12 Step programs weren’t for me. Yet. They still might one day. I feel too much distance in groups, and too much closeness at the same time. I need to work on feeling less isolated from the rest of humanity first I feel. And I just took the first steps that might take me there, getting thoroughly diagnosed and being referred to a thorough therapy that might work for me.
Talking Sober works for me right now. Being online gives me a bit of distance between me and the world. For me that’s safety. Being able to retract into my own shell when I need to feel safe. And still feeling the connection and togetherness that I crave and need at the same time. Being together as good as I can be right now. And working on getting better at being together and being more connected. You all will never know how much I owe all of you. In my heart forever. All of you. Thanks so much. On we go. Onward and upward. One day at a time. It’s not a bad place I’m in right now. Love from my place.
