I know I still owe this – I had a huge chunk written out and then accidentally trashed it when i went to post on another thread. LOL Guess that it what I get for being so verbose…lol
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Interested but i think ill just keep on sponsoring and speaking at meetings , ill let Russell Brand and Annie grace take all the money lol
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This is so inspiring. Thank you
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Yeah, I still have one to do.
I haven’t forgotten.
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Someday I’m going to take the time to actually write something here.
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I’d love to read your story x
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And me!
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Me too! Sounds like it will be very interesting. 
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Next time I get asked to speak I’ll record it and post it.
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You choose whatever format you would like to use.
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Wow reading this I have heard that addiction voice as well and I can go out and be what i thought was ok maybe not even drink but its when i got home or alone i would drink drink then when i told myself i need to chill out id hear that damn voice like oh one won’t hurt and of course id never just have one. Id be telling myself no more then the voice of oh wait til Monday start next weekend you got this going on. I just can’t continue anymore like that
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It is a common thing with us addicts.
Search it up on here. Loads of topics regarding it.
We all have had the voice trying to convince us to drink. “Hi on, just the one won’t hurt”
That the voice we have to ignore or just tell it to Fuck off!
I got some strange looks in supermarkets when I was yelling at my voice.
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Just got back from shopping and of course my beer is on sale, lol. Wasn’t a temptation but I thought that thought when I saw it!
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Voice: just one drink. It will be fine.
Me: Voice go fuck yourself. Last time I listened to you I shit myself, family left, eyes were jaundiced.
Voice: This time it will be different.
Me: Look that’s the same thing you said last time…
Voice: But…
Me: suck it!
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How embarrassing, I just opened this thread and had my response to @aircircle’s tag sitting there from months ago because I never submitted. oops!
What was it like using: Well, it was like hell, most days. I used alcohol to boost my confidence, make me witty and funny, make me sexy, make the world around me delicious and sexy; and it worked pretty great. But eventually, It quit working. It made me sick, a zombie, a slave. I didn’t want to drink anymore, but I did. Most days, I forced myself to drink because I didn’t know how to stop.
What it was like in my first few months of Sobriety: I was sobriety curious for a while before quitting and had at least one long stretch of sobriety, so I knew I could do it, I just had to start. The day I decided to quit was some idle Saturday. I drank quite a bit the night before but wasn’t terribly hungover. I didn’t plan on quitting that day, it was something that just felt right at the time. It happened to be the Autumn Equinox, total coincidence. The first several days sucked, BAD. I pretty much just laid on the couch and watched YouTube videos of people who have been sober for a year and what changes they have noticed. This gave me motivation to keep going. I also was very engaged in TS. Besides the obvious physical changes taking place, the biggest challenge was adjusting to what would be a new way of life. Everyday was a challenge, every night a test. Many nights I paced, back and forth, trying not to think about drinking. But the very attempt to not think about drinking was an intrusive thought about drinking, in of itself. It was driving me mad and I had to find a way to stop the madness. So I quelled the voices by taking up cooking. Cooking was my relief; my kitchen my sanctuary.
Sobriety Now: As I write this, I am 536 days sober. It’s hard to believe sometimes.In a way, life has gotten easier as I am not getting in my own way (as much). In a lot of ways, life is harder too, but in a good way. I no longer have that ONE tool to deal with everything; I have many tools to deal with many things, and that tool set grows over time. I see things through a different lens. Everyday I am growing, maturing, learning, loving, laughing. Everything used to be grey, now life is full of color. I’ve learned that the person responsible for all of my problems is myself. I’ve also learned that I can’t control the world around me, I can only control how I react to it. These lessons keep me grounded and focused on what matters, and that is today. Will I ever drink again? who knows; will I drink today? No, I won’t drink today.
I used to drink to fit in.
Now I don’t drink, to stand out.
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I love that. ( I used to drink to fit in. Now I don’t drink to stand out). A lot of times i feel that is me,I drink because it at times is what is expected even when i feel like I really don’t want it I did it to fit in. I know i will lose some friends/associates because that is all they do and want to do. But I love that statement and I don’t want to fit in It isn’t for me anymore.
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@Leximooncat tagged me in this back in October and I didn’t share then as I wasn’t in the best place and didn’t think I had much value to add. Having recently passed two years and seeing lots of people achieving their one year recently, I thought I would put my insecurities aside and share my experience.
I started drinking when I was about 14. When my friends were drinking a couple of bottles of alcopops I was mixing vodka into my cans of beer. I dabbled in self harm and anorexia, not full blown but enough to keep my wrists covered and wear clothes that fit ten year olds. I moved friendship groups to people who drank more and started smoking weed. Met my boyfriend. I did well in my GCSEs (around 15/16 yrs old) but at A Level my grades started slipping as I was spending less time at school. Ecstasy and coke got into the mix sometime around then.
I started working instead of finishing my A Levels or going to uni. I earned good enough money in sales and had lots of people to go out drinking/ drugging with. Stayed in touch with my crowd from school too. It was my normal, everyone I knew was doing it. We were enlightened, intelligent, seizing the day and enjoying life. To be fair I did have some great times. It was lots of fun… Until it wasn’t. I did and saw some horrible things but it was never bad enough to dent my enthusiasm for being part of the scene.
I was the life and soul of the party, the last one standing. The wandering off with strangers, the oversharing, the arguing, the crying were just part of it. I blacked out often but nothing awful ever seemed to happen. Being able to handle my drink and drugs was a big part of my identity. It made me one of the lads and I was proud of it. I started to feel like I needed more in life though, it didn’t occur to me that alcohol could be part of the problem. I stopped bouncing around sales jobs, started working in the charity sector and studying for a degree part time. We moved and I started meeting people in bars, not drug users so I was mainly a drinker. A dear friend of mine died after taking ketamin aged 26 and that was the point where I decided no more drugs. Except alcohol, obviously.
Got involved in some stuff locally, a dance group and some charity work. Finished my degree, started a masters. I was still looking for something more. Still drinking. Started to be concerned about my drinking. But… I never drank every day. Had a good job. An upstanding citizen and respected member of my community. It wasn’t really that bad. Plus I preferred drunk Sian - she was fun. She didn’t worry about everything, or anything really.
I just ignored all the bad stuff that went with alcohol. The fact that my boyfriend and I argued every time we were both drunk together. That I’d go out without him so I could drink. That I’d end up partying with random people, in random people’s houses. That I’d walk home with strangers and get involved in other people’s arguments. That I’d buy more alcohol after the bar closed and sit at home drinking on my own. That I didn’t want kids because the idea of being pregnant and not drinking for 9 months was something that I just couldn’t imagine. The wasted days to hangovers or drinking to avoid hangovers. The danger I put myself and others in when I drove the morning after, convincing myself I never drove drunk even though I knew I wouldn’t pass a breath test (and except the time I did). The amount of stuff I lost, money I spent, the mystery bruises. The memories I don’t have, good and bad and all the anxiety and regrets that go with that.
Started talking about having a drink problem while drunk. Started drinking less often but blacking out pretty much every time. Started realising that I couldn’t keep this shit up. My last night drinking wasn’t the worst night, but it was bad enough to make me think that taking a break from drinking was a good idea. Once the hangover wore off the reality of not drinking hit me. I cried. I was scared. I couldn’t imagine a future without alcohol in it. After a couple of days I downloaded the Sober Time app and found Talking Sober. I read a lot and realised how much I could relate to.
I had started meditation, yoga and walking before stopping drinking to help deal with some stress I was going through. I leaned into this stuff a lot more. I lost weight and got in great shape. I started seeing friends again and enjoyed their company even if I was sober and they were drinking. I didn’t stay up so late and I remembered everything. The people who were just drinking buddies faded away. I gave up smoking cigarettes. I felt fantastic. But my pink cloud didn’t last and I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since. Maybe I always did.
I still feel like I want to get away from myself, but I know that is part of my life and I am working on healthy ways to deal with my feelings. I’m on antidepressants and doing CBT. I’ve got new sober friends. I’ve got money in my savings account. My relationship is so much better. I’ve put weight on, I eat too much sugar, I don’t meditate every day and I don’t have a solid healthy routine. I don’t really know how to like myself yet. I’m a work in progress and there is a lot of work to do. But that’s OK – life on life’s terms! I don’t know what the future holds, but now I can’t imagine alcohol being in it. I’m only 31 - there is so much to do, to see, to feel, to experience and I don’t want to waste it getting wasted.
Who’s next? @DowntroddenGoat @Englishd @MandiH did you ever get yours typed out?
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It’s still coming. I just need a few quiet minutes to type it out someday.
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Thank you for sharing that. I always look forward to seeing what you have to say lady. I hadn’t read this thread until now…it is fantastic. Sending you love today 
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