I realized i needed sobriety when i regularly couldn’t regulate my intake and quickly fell into black outs. It took me a long time to understand addiction isn’t just the daily user. Its the uncontrollable user. I almost lost alot of people and already lost some dignity and reputation. Im ready for a life that im in control of rather than “what happened last night?”
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I watched everything I was working for start to crumble before my eyes and knew if I didn’t do something now, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I didn’t think I could live with that.
I still struggle with porn but thankfully that has a more minor effect on my life than substance.
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I have spent more than 10 years saying I am not an alcoholic. I started drinking at the weekend. Then all weekend. Then started going to local shops at 7 a.m to buy vodka, always made sure I bought some bread though so they didn’t realise I was there for alcohol!!! Then just started buying 2 litres of vodka so I knew I had some when I woke up on the sofa. Usually just 3 or 4 days of this before stopping again for a few days and then starting it all again. I got to the stage where I blacked out after the first couple of drinks and didn’t remember the next 48/72 hours! Only when my mum and brother got me a place in rehab did I finally realise I had a problem!! Glad you are on the correct path now, it’s hard but life is so much better sober.
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Ive long known, but what has really done it for me is the last blowout I had I put myself into such an outrageously dangerous situation, completely blackout.
When I got home a few days later (i was in another country, it wasnt a few day bender!) and saw my child, I nearly burst into tears. I just felt like I’d ‘cheated’ her by risking her parent’s life for the drink.
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In June, I was in and out of the ER/hospital for 2 weeks, (3 separate visits…night/day). The results:
Liver Failure
Liver damage
Cirrohsis
With side affects of:
Jaundice
Itchiness that often drew blood
Extreme dizziness
Painful bowel movements
Dehydration
Loss of appetite
Chest pains, reflux
Major weight loss
Fatigue, very weak physically
(2) Doctors said if I relapse or go out again…my kids will be burying me……
I’m still young. I have 3 kids and 2 grandkids. I have too much life to live, and I want this latter life of mine to be the best ever. To be present. To be in the moment. To remember. To cherish the memories.
When I meet my Lord and Savior…I don’t want to be empty-handed where alcohol is all I was ever good at. No. I have another chance and opportunity to share my testimony, journey and story of over 35 years with my family, friends and all who will listen……
And after 35 years it is never too late….but it did finally make me realize that this life is short…and it’ll be shorter if I continued down that horrible path of destruction and hopelessness.
So thank God for another chance….
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I suppose I always knew that nothing good would come of me drinking alcohol, I was just too selfish to act on that feeling. It was a sin I partook of for far too long.
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I knew it after I went to therapy where I didn’t drink and when I felt so much better.
I was in denial. Or maybe not. I just didn’t know how navigate through life without alcohol. And I was so scared.
It took me another year to get sober. Then it was the choice: trying and wanting to die every day or ‘not living like this anymore’.
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I knew it after I broke my ankle eight years ago but didn’t stop. I knew it a year and a half ago when I fell and broke my foot, but I didn’t stop. The realization, came when I could no longer control the amount of alcohol I was drinking daily.
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I know this game! I always bought milk 
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I know this for a long long time and had so many attempts. I know I can not drink. I do not want this life anymore. I just can not control my drinking. The best version of myself is sober. I know this. Here is to the next 24 hours
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When I realised this was now an around the clock every day thing: I would never not be thinking of the next drink, how to get it, how to hide it, how to manage it, there’d be no reprieve - that’s when I knew I had to stop completely.
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When friends and Love ones told me that they did not want to be around me and that I had a problem.
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Welcome to TS @Trashqaeda!
Yeah it can be pretty rough when friends decide theyve had enough. Hopefully youre able to mend some of those bridges in the future
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I know this game! I always bought milk
Hi, yeah always bought something else. I am sure I would of been staggering and could hardly talk but convinced they wouldn’t notice. Also started to alternate local shops!! Finally started using local delivery apps to get in delivered, usually for twice the price!! 
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I mean the guys that brought it up were guys I served with so there really wasnt bridges burnt but it is a wake up.
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I would hide alcohol for myself while drinking with my husband or friends because there was never enough.
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I first knew that i needed recovery at the age of 21. I had been using drugs for 6 years prior to that and my life was extremely unmanageable. I couldnt hold down a job, i was in trouble with the law, losing family n friends, I completely lost myself, and i was doing things that i would have normally never done while clean and sober. Unfortunately i relapsed after 3 years clean at age 24. And was in and out of recovery until i was 37 years old. I really struggled with gaining recovery. But at the age of 37 i knew that i had to get clean for serious this time bcuz of how i felt mentally. I felt and wholeheartedly believed that my time was coming. That i wouldnt be around much longer if i kept using. I was beyond tired of my life. I had people in my life that relied on me and they needed me healthy and present in their lives. And i knew in my heart that there was more to life than that, (using drugs and struggling to survive). Now i have almost 18 months clean and sober… by the grace of God!
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She left me, lied to a judge to get an obsession restraining order put on me and took my kids. When it’s up next year I will fight to get back in my kids lives I’m 33 days clean today.
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I was dieing.
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I spent many years trying to moderate. I am a pretty well-disciplined person. I did not understand the cycle of anxiety and alcohol. I thought alcohol was relieving my anxiety.
I became frustrated that I could not control myself in moderation rules. And I became frustrated that I was getting worse and worse about needing to drink and then feeling bad the next day.
I did not really plan to stop until the morning after my last night. The last night I drank was an evening out with my husband. We both had too much. I drove home when neither of us should have been driving.
When we got home I became irritated at him and turned nasty. I was not normally nasty when drinking. Even though I was drunk, I clearly heard myself and all I could hear was the abusive language. I reminded myself of my abusive father from many years before.
That was my moment of clarity. I had lost control and was becoming the monster that I had vowed never to be.
The next morning I did some research and collected resources to help me. Within a few days I told people who were close to me that I was done. I had never talked about my drinking before. Telling them helped hold me accountable.
I read a lot, and joined this group, and was able to really learn more about addiction and what to do to make the change.
It has been an incredible gift I have been able to give myself. I’m at 21 months of freedom!
My husband joined me on the journey 6 months later and today we are both happier, healthier, and less anxious about many things.
It is not easy to make a big change like that. But one day at a time with determination and hope, I am so glad I quit.
I wish you all the best.
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