Hi Mali - I’m so sorry to hear this. It must be heartbreaking and as you said it makes you feel like second best to vodka, and that’s a lousy feeling.
I think you need some space from him. He is a full-fledged alcoholic and doesn’t see the problem (or if he does see it he doesn’t see it for what it really is: him putting alcohol ahead of anything else in his life). You are young and have no children; while being safe and respected matters all the time, to anyone (children or not), at the current time in your situation, you have a lot of freedom to take action without having to care for children or other loved ones at the same time.
You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, and who treasures you. You already have that: you can learn to love and respect yourself, sober. (Being with someone who treats you as second-best is not respectful for yourself.) Once you have some space and time to build your strong relationship with your sober self, you’ll be able to look for a partner that has the same respect for you.
Take care love and never give up 
(Edit)
Whoops I apologize I missed your earlier post about having two teenage kids at home!
I would still give the same advice as I did above. Whether someone has kids or not has no influence on whether or not they have the right and the freedom to ask for respect. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and treasures you. That person can be you - you can stay happily single if you choose - or, once you’re feeling stronger in your emotions, you can find another partner.
You’re a good person and a good mother who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.