25 days ago I went out with friends for a drink after work, I had one Manhattan and I should have left…but I didn’t. My wife wasn’t home so I wouldn’t be criticized for drinking too much - this was 6 pm. I can’t tell you how many I drank, people from work who had no idea of me being an alcoholic commented I had at least 8. I climbed in my truck, somehow made it home and opened a bottle of barrel strength whiskey and started in on that. I had always believed my depression could be fixed with alcohol…never thought it was making it worse. Drink more, depressed more, etc…that was my night on that particular day. Around 1am I felt an obvious solution would be suicide, had some thoughts as to how this could be carried out, went outside, walked around the deck, decided to maybe make a phone call to a prevention hotline. The woman I spoke with was an angel…from what I can recall. She convinced me to lay down, don’t have to sleep and chat a while longer. The next morning I decided to get my shit together. Being scared myself that morning was good motivation - I never want to experience that ever again. I have a wonderful core group of men who have become sober helping me along. Their guidance and support is a debt I can never repay. My only thought for slight repayment is to share my story in hopes that it gives someone the ability to make the decision to end their drinking cycle. Congrats on starting your journey… If I can do it, so can you.
Oh my God. All of yours stories are beautiful! Yes, they are terryfying, but the end of them - realising the problem and getting on the right way - it is wonderful. And powerful!
Thank you all for sharing. I know how personal this can be
But I believe that our stories can motivate people. Because to see how “bad” things can be and how far can addiction bring us… It is a bit scary though.
I am glad for all people who are here sorting their life out. I am sending my blessing to all of you
Went on a liter of whiskey a day bender for two weeks, lost my job, almost got kicked out of my home and physically I felt like the end was near. It was last Sunday at 6 pm when I decided that I was done and now going on 8 days, I know it’s not a lot of sober time but it has been tough, not with cravings or anything, but just getting my body back to normal was the hardest part. Now I am getting my appetite back and sleeping a bit better but I have a long way to go
Human’s body is miracle. It is very strong. We can damage it a lot but once it gets a chance to heal it is going to be faster than you think
8 days is great! Long way to go…but it is good, isn’t it? Long way through the new life! Build it wisely
Jana1988, it’s great actually, I was just sitting here thinking about the shape I was in 8 days ago and it is amazing what sober time will do for the body
This time around, it was in listening to the experience of others who had recovered. It started with nights lying on my couch half drunk, cut off from the world while reading posts from this forum before joining up sober. Eventually signing up and being moved to go to the rooms.
Somehow those shares helped me take a step back and see, almost like watching from the outside, the honest direction I was going.
I had already thought through what I’d do when I lost my job, what I could cash out and where to car camp. And what I would do if and when that all inevitably failed…
For the first time I realized I was already planning how I would die in such a long, drawn out way it made me cry.
In others experience I also heard hope though. That there were those who found strength and happiness again. And by doing what they did, one thing at a time, I could maybe discover what that looked like for myself.
And I am! It’s nothing like I expected, but it sure is beautiful.
I tried so hard to get clean but nothing worked I was getting worse every day … then January 31 I walked into my local drug clinic had a breakdown and got put on methadone… slowly I got off the methadone and stopped all the drinking and drug taking I had enough of that life I couldn’t take it any longer it didn’t get better over night I was very depressed and ashamed of myself but with alot of hard work and great people who have helped me I can now help other addicts and live life on lifes terms x
My wife knew I was drunk and I tried to lie about it so she took herself and our daughter to her mom’s house for a few days but I thought they were leaving forever. I decided I didn’t wanna go through any of that ever again cuz the next time she might really leave for good.
The moment I realized I wanted to be and stay sober was around my 90 days of sobriety. I hadn’t yet committed to the idea of being sober long term, I was still thinking I’d someday return to what I was before. I was at the gym with my sister, she had asked if I was planning on quitting for good. I thought about it and said, Yes, I think I’d like that.
Thanks for posting this, Dan. I am honestly struggling with the concept of “forever”, and I question if I belong here if I can’t just say I want to quit forever; kinda feel like I’m wasting people’s time here if that makes sense. My husband doesn’t want me to quit; I question if I’m “that bad”, but I’m here for a reason so that tells me something. I know I keep reading “one day at a time”, but then I feel like if I can’t say “forever”, what’s the point. Ugh I don’t know if I’m making sense lol. But maybe a longer chunk of time will change my mind, like it did for you. You’ve given me some hope. Thank you. Dammit now I’m crying in my office
Hello there
I became to be an alcoholic since I was 15. Now I am 31. It also looked impossible to quit alcohol forever after 16 years drinking and being addicted. Because I thought that I like alcohol. I thought I like the strong and self-confiden woman. So cool when I was drinking! I really loved the buzzing in my head but in the same time for last few years I also felt that I need to stop for a while. Because I wasn’t able to control my drinking anymore. Because I was blackouted so often and then I remembered nothing. Those things I hated.
I thought that I can stop drinking for a while and then get back with more control.
This decision made me realise how much addicted I really was! First of all I couldn’t stop for more than one week from the beginning. It was so hard and I was thinking about alcohol almost 24/7.
When I finally managed to do month and then try to drink normally - it didn’t work. I could sometimes drink normally for few days but I would eventually always end up drunk like I used to be before…
Believe me. I was fighting alcohol in this way for few years.
The truth is that I just went go and back from sorbet for some time to back to drunk for as many times until I just didn’t get that this is never going to work.
As long as I kept some positive relationship to alcohol I couldn’t be healthy. The good is that more days I stayed sober - better I felt. And I started also doubt that I am really as cool as I thought I am.
Last drop was when my bf had to pick me up from bar because I fell asleep there. Totally drunk. Then I apparently kept saying that I hate him. I threw up a little bit and I had it in my hears until the following day. When I woke up I rememebered nothing… I wouldn’t even know about the sick in my hears if my bf doesn’t give me a hug and says that he still loves me even with the mess in my hairs.
But before this he felt very down and upset and I didn’t know why. After alcohol I always had depression. So I wouldn’t care about literally anything. I told him that I want to break up bcs I didn’t like that he is upset when I feel down. What a horible person was this girl!!! It wasn’t me. I hate this side of me which always showed up only when I was drunk or after drinking.
And this made me finally realise that I don’t like what alcohol do with me! It took all my personality and threw it away.
Thaks a god that it took just few months being sober to find a part of the truth myself and start to build who I want to be. I found how awesome person I am without alcohol and I NEVER WANT TO BE SAME LIKE BEFORE!!!
I wish you to realise that alcohol only kills our souls. And then it will become to be very easy to stay without it forever…
I understand exactly how you feel. I wrestled with “forever” for a long time (I even wrote a song about it). Everything I’ve built, my career, my family, my relationships, my entire life has been built by my old ways, and the idea of that changing, or letting it go was a hard pill to swallow. It took time to realize that my old ways didn’t define me, I was more than just that. That metamorphosis made the idea of forever a lot easier to accept.
Let me just be direct with this. You do belong here. You’re in the right place. You’re looking to be sober, which is the common goal here. The duration is just a detail, IMO. We’re here to help you stay sober today, and hope to do the same tomorrow.
Embracing “forever” is not a universal practice, and often not a step taken at the start. I think it makes more sense for us to support people with that step if and when they become ready for it, rather than hold any expectations on it. For me, it took years to go from quitting indeterminately to quitting forever. It had to start with just being sober for today, I wasn’t about to accept any "forever"s in active addiction.
I wouldn’t think of it as wasting people’s time. What if you did, at some point, decide to return to drinking? Your sober time may be gone, and the consequences of drinking will return, but the community you’ve developed here, knowledge about addiction, and knowledge about yourself will still be there. Those things may even encourage you back to the path of sobriety.
When my daughter left home. 4-5 months. I have always knew something was wrong. Between trauma & addiction - I want more. I don’t want insurmountable pain anymore.
I knew I needed to get sober when I would drink so much that I wouldn’t remember all the people I called and just rambled about dumb shit. Waking up with massive bruises from falling. I would have to check my phone the next morning and was so embarrassed from all the random people I called. Eating the most fattening food stuffing my drunk face. So gross! No more of that shit. I’m done
The moment I realised I wanted to get sober, I was sprawled out on a bench in Letna Park thinking about how I’d literally lost everything and a moment of clarity made me look at the empty Jack Daniel’s bottle and baggys on the floor and realise “This is why…”
The moment I decided I wanted to stay sober was when I saw one payday that I still had quite a bit of money left over from the month before. A lot of previous possibilities circled in my head that moment and I started to think about all the other things like health, relationships and opportunities that may even be possible with ‘this whole sobriety thingy’. I started to take it more seriously and adopt it as a lifestyle instead of just abstinence.
The moment that I realised that decision was going to be forever was very recently. I’ve been sober just over a year
