I relapsed even after being hospitalized going through not even being able to walk, throwing up just to drink more, falling everywhere, bruises all over my body, losing so much weight cause vodka is the only thing I would eat and drink 24/7, shaking, hallucinating… When does it ever stop you from never wanting it again? What does it take before it’s too late. This is so hard to understand. 
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I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m sorry to say it but it takes you having that power over this addiction to make things change. I know it’s easier said than done but you have to want it. Find what in life is more important to you than doing these things to your body and yourself. We are all here to help each other so reach out to others, read their stories and you will get through this. Take care.
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You are addicted to alcohol. You have inserted alcohol into your life to numb your brain, to run, to escape.
You are running from something, trying to destroy yourself. Something made you start running when you were younger, and you’re still running now, out of habit.
You stop when running isn’t what you want to do any more.
Are you there yet? Do you want to stop running, and stand your ground, own your life?
Do you know what you’re running from? (You may not; many of us didn’t.)
Go to a meeting. Go to 3,4,5 meetings a day if you want to. They’re free. They’ll help you understand yourself and love your life:
Online meeting resources
You cannot do this alone. You cannot keep hiding. You cannot pretend that shame is better than health, better than life. Every one in that meeting has been where you are. You have nothing to hide.
Log in to the meeting, say hi, and say, “I need help.” The rest starts from there.
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Congratulations to you on your sobriety 
I haven’t quite got to that point yet in my life but I know that I need to… The person I have in my life is one part of the reasons I drink but I can’t let him go and then its the little things that trigger me and trauma I’ve been through. But I could imagine and see how starting where you said would change a lot of things. Thank you for your reply:heart:
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I was woken up with glass shattering all over me as the police and fire brigade smashed the driver side window of my car while I slept at the traffic lights. I still didn’t stop. Injures, broken bones, fights, lost beautiful woman who cared for me, fallen over people late at my kids concerts when they were younger, still didn’t stop. Even after rehab, I relapsed after 6 weeks. That was 3 years ago and I’m on day 6 now again…I just keep on trying but feel like this is my time. You said you have a person in your life that makes you drink @goodwitch that can be quite tricky
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I know what you mean. This is a very very difficult process to ever overcome it seems.
I didn’t explain that part very well lol and it’s pretty hard to explain. It’s not someone I’m dating just someone in my life I’ve known for years. A friend I should say.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggle 
. Do you have medical insurance that provides a treatment program? If so, I’d urge you to look into something like that. Even if you think it’s not for you, commit to trying it out. It helped me a great deal! Group sessions where you can share or not share, educational sessions where you learn why you behave the way you do and why it can be so hard to break free, and 1 on 1 counseling that can be life changing.
If you don’t, I’ve found lifering.org to be an amazing tool! It’s free and meeting are held regularly online via zoom. Basically, anything you can find like you did here can be amazing.
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Thank you so much. I have an appointment at a crisis place by me coming up to hopefully help me through this pain.
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It does get better. Everything you’re feeling is 100% normal and something that we all experienced on one level or another. We’re all different but all the same in that regard. Sometimes it’s helpful just to know that you’re not alone and what you’re feeling, especially early on, is absolutely normal. I was shocked how little my regular doctor and ER doctors don’t know about alcohol withdrawal. It really took me talking to a specialist to feel some relief and get some answers.
I wish you all the luck on your journey!
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Thank you so much❤
Hi there. I’m new here today. I’ve done so much horrible shit while drunk. I always think I’ve got rock bottom and there’s no way I could want to drink again but… Then I do. I have two beautiful kids and I really don’t want them to grow up and thinking this is normal.
Last night someone said something brutal to me and I know if I don’t stop I could risk losing the things I love most… And to be perfectly honest right now I’m wanting to drink 
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The only way it will stop is if you stand up and fight it right now. Go and drink two pints of water. Even if you feel like gagging, force it down. Once you’ve done that you’ll get a little bit of respite because you won’t feel like drinking anything for a while. Once the water hits your system, you’ll think a bit more clearly. You have to fight it tooth and nail!
Thanks so much for your support!! I actually just made myself drink water and eat a huge meal… because my favourite thing to do is drink on an empty stomach.
I’ve only just truly accepted I’m an alcoholic. I never wanted to accept it before because I never wanted to fight against it. I feel different now though. I want to fight. Just need to hang on that 
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Excellent. Well done.
You make the decisions. It doesn’t make the decisions. If you don’t put it into your system, it is powerless over you.
Fight!
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I can only share what happened with me. I woke in the morning, every morning, wanting to die. That feeling and desire got stronger every day. And I knew in the back of my mind it was because of my drinking. I didn’t really want to die but I wanted out of this misery and suicide seemed like the easiest way out like drinking was the easiest way out of my problems. So it was literally life or death for me. I chose life. I think that’s the choice for you to make too @Suse7 and @goodwitch. Being here, sharing, reading, supporting and getting support is a massive help for me. Knowing I’m not alone. Glad you are here, all success!
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That feeling really resonates with me. I keep blaming my poor mental health on why I need to drink but it’s the drinking that’s causing my poor mental health! Thanks for your comment 
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