You are addicted to alcohol. You have inserted alcohol into your life to numb your brain, to run, to escape.
You are running from something, trying to destroy yourself. Something made you start running when you were younger, and you’re still running now, out of habit.
You stop when running isn’t what you want to do any more.
Are you there yet? Do you want to stop running, and stand your ground, own your life?
Do you know what you’re running from? (You may not; many of us didn’t.)
Go to a meeting. Go to 3,4,5 meetings a day if you want to. They’re free. They’ll help you understand yourself and love your life:
Online meeting resources
You cannot do this alone. You cannot keep hiding. You cannot pretend that shame is better than health, better than life. Every one in that meeting has been where you are. You have nothing to hide.
Log in to the meeting, say hi, and say, “I need help.” The rest starts from there.