Hey bro or sis, I really love the honesty your provide and the insight on how you feel. I can really relate to it its a very good way of looking inside an addicts mind. I think parents and teachers and police should read this thread, so they get empathy for the addict: it’s not because we are bad persons, it’s because of that emotional struggle “not feeling empty inside” is something probably everyone will somehow understand!
Now, I just want to tell you the actual benefits of staying sober. But keep in mind you will not get them all directly. You will have to endure a few days or weeks or months of discomfort and in your situation get a medical detox to prevent seizure
-being healthy and feeling that way! You will be more awake, possibly see better, have better skin, and can even get a more muscly body like you wanted at 18!
-having more energy, to spent evenings actually do something creative instead of just watching tv, or go out to take a walk, maybe dance or go hiking, or travel to countries you’ve never been
-meeting new people! Yes I know you wrote you don’t like being social, but keep in mind, your brain isn’t working optimally under the alcohol. Healthy humans are social creatures. Yes, being alone is great and important, but having fun with other people is a joy of life. Who knows, maybe you’ll fall in love with someone, or get a really funny friend group with whom you can watch your favourite tv shows together. Or you make jokes much more funny than any tv show.
-you save yourself from many kinds of cancer. Cancer sucks and alcohol is a known carcinogen. Do you want to die knowing you could’ve lived 50 years longer sober?
And by the way, dying of alcohol related diseases, not just cancer is often painful torture. Ask people with liver cirrhosis if there is a difference in a life without without alcohol
-you get outta the permanent withdrawal. Every evening, you drink and stop the withdrawal for a bit. That’s always such a relief that you feel much better. Now imagine, the withdrawal is gone forever!
Imagine there is no hollow empty feeling at all. Imagine feeling fullfilled just the way you are.
I just have to say, your way of thinking reminds me so so much of myself a few years ago. It’s very interesting. I’m not even saying you should go get clean completely. You do what you want. Why not drink moderately? In a frequency that doesn’t kill you so fast? There are many ways to try controlled drinking and many are against it but its better that just daily drinking.
If you wanna accept being an addict to alcohol that’s just fine, I’ve accepted being an addict for years and honestly, I had to have these years until I could say, no I don’t want this addiction anymore. And I’m still mostly a week to 3 months sober until I used again so I’m not even recovered from addiction as of right now (22 days sober right now)