I hate dealing with this… I find it really difficult to stay sober when someone acts like it’s silly for me to quit. I get embarrassed, i feel belittled, and all I want is a good excuse to turn down the drink without having to say “I’m an alcoholic” and get shut down. I know that I don’t look like an alcoholic. what are we supposed to look like ?? I know people aren’t going to take my problem seriously, because it’s not their problem. So what do you say? I started saying “I can’t drink” instead of “I’m not drinking” and it does help, but I would love some tips from people who have dealt with this a lot. thanks 
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I have listened to people say things they have no right to for over five decades. As a 55-year-old with many more things in my life than choosing not to drink, none of it is their business.
You don’t have to look like anything. I don’t use the word alcoholic, many do, it should only matter to each person. It’s the same that with not drinking…you are the only one who has any right to think about it and do it.
Despite what people think, 38%ish Americans don’t touch alcohol, for a variety of reasons.
My go to: “Why are you asking that?” “Why are you saying that?” “You’re irritating me, saying things that have nothing to do with you.”
AND, if I am in a zone where I don’t know the people or it might cause some drama, I just say, “I stopped for a bit and it made me feel really healthy.” or “I just decided to take a break. No big deal.” or “Well, I have been getting a physical reaction every time I drink. It’s not good.”
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Sometimes I’ll say stuff like, “it can interact with the meds I’m on and make them not work,” or something like that.
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I had distanced myself from many people in my sobriety who wanted to continue having me as the party person and therefore told me I was fine with my drinking / smoking. They didn’t care if I was fine or not - just did not want me to stop as then I was “no fun” for them.
I do have one good friend who never saw the worst parts of my addiction and still does not get it but with him I just say that I am not drinking due to health reasons. Which is not a lie. I know that drinking was killing me.
I have noticed that he has distanced himself from me and that is ok as I don’t think we need people in our lives who put such an important emphasis on drinking / smoking.
I know it isn’t easy and it does feel annoying having to answer these questions. Stay vigilant and protect your sobriety over all else. I did have a friend say that she developed an allergy to alcohol and that seems to be working well for her.
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I just say “I don’t drink.” It’s my personal business. It would be incredibly rude to ask why.
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I simply don’t drink alcohol or orange juice or coffee or eat black pepper. Why should I? All make me sick and I prefer to feel good and healthy. Water or tea it is for me and I don’t argue. Best people get when annoying me is a stare me dead look in the eye, category mind your business. No need to explain anything.
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Same. Everyone already knew what I was, even when I thought I was hiding it. They knew it was for the best. The only people who ever question it more than once are drunk strangers when I’m out, and I got no problem telling it like it is. For me, being honest to others keeps me honest with myself.
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I’m 6’3", and one time a drunk stranger who was a foot shorter than me asked me why I don’t drink. I told him that apparently drinking stunts people’s growth.
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No thanks. End of. Nothing to discuss with you buddy. Here’s one thing where my PD comes in handy I guess. People trying to push a drink on me have an alcohol problem themselves, 100%. Not going to say that to them either, or maybe I will when I’m in a foul mood. Hello goodbye.
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I like to lead with “I choose not to drink”. If someone kindly presses I respond with because I’m sober. If they ask not so kindly I say it’s a preference. If they press beyond that I usually end the conversation.
Even people who have known me my whole drinking career didn’t always know my drinking. They saw me for a few drinks or sometimes a few too many in public. They didn’t see the mental struggle or the hard drinking I did alone.
You don’t owe anyone any explanation. And you definitely don’t owe anyone a relapse because they are uncomfortable with your sobriety. Sober is strong and personal. If the same people are asking the same questions and not respecting your answers it might be time to find new friends.
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Agreed! And I have asked that, too. 
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I would get this so much and found it so annoying! Everyone had some weird miracle cure of how not to feel hung over or not to black out……good for you I wanted to say. They didn’t comprehend I had multiple reasons I quit. Anyways I just tell people I started getting migraines and that’s when I decided I’m done, it just isn’t worth the fun to be in so much pain ! They seem to take that better than any of the other billion reasons I could have told them!
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I made wholesale change. Everything, People & places were the first to go…
I had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable…honesty with one’s self is not easy…
My strength comes from within…and it’s a fantastic feeling …
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I used to say … I am allergic to alcohol much like a diabetic is allergic to sugar. (Which is true).
Now I just say I don’t drink. People who press me further are not people I choose to interact with.
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We look like this:
I’ve been told I don’t need to quit by those who don’t really know me or those who would really benefit from quitting themselves. In either case, don’t take too much stock in what they have to say, you do you.
Over time, I’ve learned to cut those people off from my life; if they can’t respect and support my decisions to better myself, they don’t deserve my time. I mean, could you ever imagine telling someone they don’t need to go to the gym, or that they should stop going to therapy? It’s ridiculous and we don’t need that in our lives.
So what do I say?
Dude: Dan, you weren’t that bad, why quit drinking?
Me: listen my dude, this is the path I’ve chosen to go down and I want to see where it leads.
Dude: C’mon, just one drink? For me?
Me: The answer is no.
Remember, its OK not to drink. No is a complete sentence and you owe no one an explanation, period!
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Only time i got asked that was when i was in bar in early sobriety i was told to stay away from people and places were booze was being served till i got stronger wish you well
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