I understand completely. I am 247 days sober and have been sober a few times. I have always wondered why that guy (me) needed booze to be around people. I still keep chasing that guy and be him a again. Insanity at its finest.
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Once I had a job and my own place I realized I could be drunk all day every day so thats what I did. I thought itād be easy enough to stop when I felt like it, man was I as wrong as one could be.
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I became an alcoholic early in life, high school maybe middle school I had some and craved it immediately but I think the moment I questioned myself I was about 16 or 17 and I drank about 12 of my parents coronas throughout the day and hopped their fence in the backyard and wandered aimlessly down the street. I remember the next day knowing that it wasnāt normal. I continued it until my mid 20ās anyways.
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I believe Iāve always been an alcoholic - from the age of 11 or 12 when I first tasted vodka. Currently though, itās been 2 years straight that I couldnāt even bear the thought of not drinking all day. It started when I got stressed out about grad school and the financial responsibilities of it. Though, I remember getting drunk with my cousins at the age of 12. Every family function from kidās birthday parties to Christmas always has alcohol. We would take our pop cans, pour them out and replace it with vodka (my drink of choice) or whiskey. After that, I kept drinking with them at family functions and no one questioned it because they either A. Never paid attention or B. Didnāt think kids our age would do that. Alcohol is such a normal thing in my family, so much so that I am currently the only (trying to be) sober one at the age of 24.
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Alcohol is ruining my life but i cant stop. I hate myself and its a viscious cycle i cant seem to break. Why help myself when I dont care about myself enough to seems to be the underlying issue here. I have been black out drunk the past 2 days. Its disgusting. I dont even know what i was doing. Drinking all night into the next day. Im a mess. If i didnt have a good job my life would be in pieces. Im scared i did things and cant remember doing them.
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I was always an addict. Started from smokes to alcohol to powder. Anything and everything I did - I was addicted to it.
Itās what we call addictive behavior I guess.
Infact, at one point I couldnāt sleep without sleeping pills.
Each and every single day, I used to regret doing it in the first place.
One fine day I woke up and decided not to feel same.
And thatās how I worked it all up.
125 days clean, & serene.
Here I am,
Happier than ever,
Stronger than ever.
Congratulations to all those who decided clean and serene is the right way to live.
Have a great life. Enjoy yourself people.
Best wishes.
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You know,I think Iāve been a junkie alchoholic as long as I can rememberā¦I mean ever since my first real oppurtunity to drink o got hammered and even then was dealing with consequences(I was 11)and along with that were a lot of character defectsā¦even then me and my friends had thought we pulled a fast one on my friends parents by adding water to the remains of he bottleā¦lolā¦it wasnāt until I realized that by no means have I ever been a normal drinker or drug user at any point
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As soon as I had my first drink it was obvious it would become unhealthy years down the road. I had my first drink when I was 4. My family would give me sips when Iād ask. Sick! It has wreaked havoc upon my life due to irresponsible adults and āguardiansā who were suppose to protect me. Luckily Iām a grown woman of 38 and I have to choice to say NO! I fight this battle everyday because I love my newfound freedom and friend, sobriety.
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why is is that people (other adults and guardians) think itās okay to give kids sips of alcohol? my grandma, aunts, etc. would always give me some of their wine and mixed drinks if i asked. looking back now i wonder what the hell they were thinking. best of luck to you, @XxshanaynayxX. at least we know that we wonāt be them later on in life because we choose to say no each day.
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Best of luck to you too. I really donāt think they were thinking. Weāre strong and responsible women. We can change the cycle. 
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I had the same experience
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Damn, I lived some of your life stories ā¦ 
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Iām on day one again - ugh!
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Back in my teens to use to numb my emotions from abuse
I remember. I thought the taste of beer was amazing. Something Iād never experienced. The buzz in my small body just amplified my intrigue.
But the teen years were where it took true form. The flavor, the buzz (the eventual blackouts) and the need to consume as much as possible before it all was guzzled by those around me at beach parties.
Here I am, 30+ years on after countless times Iāve stopped only to begin again with every excuse I could create. We all know them.
My story is much more in depth than this. And my love of the flavor and the buzz still reside in my head. And I donāt feel bad saying that.
I feel bad in the reality that I let THAT love dispose of my loves that happened in the ārealā world. And those that will never return to my life.
29 days into this stoppage. And a full (sobering) realization that I canāt pick up another drink in my life because it truly will be the end of it. 29 days seems so little in retrospect of my life. And 29 days seems so little in the view of what may come.
I became an alcoholic whenā¦ I opened my crusty eyes and cleaned the blood from my wrists. The day I knew the Universe wouldnāt take me. So I had to live sober.
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Keep it up !!! Donāt lose hope !!!
Well said.
Well, in 5 days i will make 6 months without alcohol and ā¦ maaaannnn ā¦ I feel like 1million bucks !!!
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Alcohol became a part of a cycle - after a massive high from some small accomplishment I would drink in celebration. I trusted myself, I earnt it. Iām normal. Then within weeks, the initial buzz of glory would wear off and Iād be bored, with booze. It helped with monotony of life. Then lower and lower until benders lead to pushing the people I love away. Iād say sorry, get sober, health kick, reach my prime and then feel the need to celebrate once more.