One thing I’m really struggling with lately is drawing a line under things - used to be that at the end of the day, I’d have a drink and a smoke, and that’d be the end of the day - I couldn’t drive, so I couldn’t really go anywhere and what ever stressors I’d been dealing with where officially done for the day - more so at the weekend, when I’d get on the sesh, so nothing would get done and then have a whole hangover day where nothing would get done - and that was the end of the week, anything else that needed to be done would just have to wait.
But now, I don’t have that, and it’s just endless!! Sleep and eat and jobs and eat and sleep, oy to get up and do it all again ad nauseum - and these last few days especially I’ve just been feeling really fed up with it, irritable and agitated - I went to see my friend and she was smoking and it didn’t bother me, but idk maybe I got a bit of secondhand smoke and it’s maybe that?? Maybe it’s a the ADHD and I just need a change of scenery or something idk - it’s not really making me want to use - I’m just getting really fed up with recovery? And I miss the oblivion tbh
Anyone had similar experiences, what did you do about it??
One of the weird things we do in addiction is that drinking (or whatever our addiction is) takes the place of what normal humans call “hobbies and fulfilling activities”.
All human beings need to cultivate fulfilling activities. It’s a basic human need. There’s a million types of activities: sports, adventure, music, meditation, role-playing games, gardening, woodworking, writing, etc etc etc.
You’re feeling very much like so many of us have felt: what the hell? What’s up with all this empty space? Surely life has to be more than just work and sleep and eat? (It is more than that. Those activities are what we physically need to be physically alive, but human fulfillment takes more than just that; in healthy recovery / sobriety, we cultivate our fulfilling activities.)
This is an opportunity to get into a new chapter in your life. You’ve got a blank page in front of you. What’s your first step? What’s an activity idea?
Yeah, I’ve been reading a lot of DnD stuff but even that’s not scratching the itch so to speak - gonna take myself for a walk up the woods when it stops raining - hopefully find some cool looking mushrooms
Going out for a walk in the woods in a bit, I have been working on exposure for agoraphobia but that’s becoming part of the grind yknow? Hopefully the woods will be enough of an escape from that
@Piglet86 and @Matt are right on the money. I would add that drawing a line or escaping via alcohol is a very easy way to do it. You can do it via anything, but that takes a little more effort. So you have to have a talk with yourself to get up and do the things that will bring you satisfaction or closure in the long run, be that exercise, craft, learning something, etc. I still have to give myself a little push to do things, but enjoy them and feel satisfied and enthused at the end.
ain’t normal a bitch I promise you it does get easier… You don’t have to believe in God to pray but when I feel like this I serenity prayer the shit out of it. Its a decent structure to live life on.
Oh how this resonates with me! Since the topic of “how to find happiness/fulfillment without drugs and alcohol,” has been cover i just want to touch on perspective a bit. It really is best to not look past today for at least a while. It’s too overwhelming and our mind turns against us. Instead just look at today and what you’re doing, perhaps what you didnt do before due to lack of mental horsepower or motivation. Remember those actions like the walk through the woods. Second is to consider your class, much in the same way dnd reflects life you can consider what YOUR build is and take pride in that. Im a sober type - monk warrior. Its actual a popular build here.
You found yourself at a point in your life where the conglomeration of traits that you perpetuated in your daily activities were unfulfilling or had created enough problems that let you here. now you are using CONSCIOUS Intentional Actions to actually chose your life!! Thats very exciting! Focus on that! Dont focus on the day to day bs that makes you want to sever your consciousness, those whispers are an evil much like a villian whose face is still obscured.
Take time every day when you do these activities to stop and find beauty in the present moment. Use the sensory influence (such as noticing what your eyes see, bend your ear, feel your breath) do this in real time without thought or judgment and just experience the power of NOW. especially if you’re in nature for its rich with beauty.
Change the way you see your role and your vantage point changes. You’re like Aragorn when he was still strider… but he was always the king (i normally wouldnt use that reference, but i think theres a good chance you’ve read Tolkien lol).
I promise you it does get easier… You don’t have to believe in God to pray but when I feel like this I serenity prayer the shit out of it. Its a decent structure to live life on.
