So here I am noticing something different in my thinking and acting. Idk whether I need to be worried about this or not lol so I’m asking for advice.
Lately I have not been giving a crap about certain things. My recovery and my family and husband and my supports (like TS) and my job… those things I care very deeply about and matter to me. BUT… there are other specfic things in my life where I am choosing to basically not give a shit anymore so that I don’t hurt or get disappointed any longer. I find myself also not caring so much about what other people think or do, but maybe not in a good sense? Idk. When things are supposed to happen or say for example I go somewhere for a service that I’m paying for, and it doesn’t get done properly or don’t get what I ask for… I am honestly the most polite b!tch you will ever meet. It is soo beyond disturbing to me that I can act so cold and not act visually upset about it, but yet my words are just so blunt and straight to the point. Its just very cold and comes across as if “I don’t care if ur upset about it”. Idk what’s gotten into me lately. I’ve been like this for about 2 weeks. I don’t know if this is some type of sense of entitlement? Or me trying to correct some sort of “injustice” that I think is being done to me? Or if this type of thinking and acting is like a red flag for leading to other toxic things such as relapse?
Any thoughts on this? I don’t like it necessarily when I’m like this… yet I get some weird sense of false power or control or something over being like this. I don’t yell or swear or call people names but I am sooo cold and definitly come off as a b!tch and I don’t know if this is something to worry about.
I have many. On the one hand, I see positives: focusing emotional energy what is really and truly important, forsaking everything else. Prioritizing can be a good thing.
However, we can become callous, impatient, and inconsiderate with people who we feel are infringing on our priorities. While I am much better than I once was, I can be a bit harsh with people who try my patience, regardless of whether their actions or attitude are honest mistakes or deliberate.
I try to remember that everyone has a bad day, now and again and they might be having theirs.
I like your post and thank u for providing 2 sides to this… the positive and negative. I do think there is a positive side to it. I actually speak up about alot of things instead of letting them slide. Back then when i would choose not to address it, i would think and stew about what I shouldve done. So I guess I’m trying to learn boundaries or to stand up for myself. I’m tired of people trying to get away with shit lol
The not caring piece about certain things is I think me trying to protect myself from hurt. But maybe there is a diff approach to that. Like instead of not caring about what someone does or doesn’t do, I can talk it out. Use communication skills maybe. I don’t think it’s okay for me to force myself to not care so that it doesn’t hurt… bcuz in reality I do care. So i need to acknowledge that and maybe try to use a healthier way of sorting that out?
This is tough lol I feel like I should’ve learned alot of this like decades ago haha
I have no clue what I’m doing haha
This is a really interesting topic and one that I too think about often. When I stopped drinking I found that I had little patience. I found a voice that I never had before and started to put up boundaries. I feel every bit of my energy went into saying sober, and that left me with zero time for BS. Three years later, I have more tolerance, but I am still very direct in my approach to what I will put up with. Looking forward to everyone’s perspective!!
Learning boundaries, especially when in the past maybe we didn’t have good boundaries, can be a challenge. We may swing one way or the other while we reach a balance. I have certainly noticed myself giving fewer fucks. If it is service workers, members of the public, then I haven’t noticed much of a difference, but with my husband I am less concerned about doing what he wants his way. For example, I took the kids to a science museum recently. It was my husband’s choice not to join us, it was a day off for him, so he could have done. He never wants to buy things from the gift shop, but this time I allowed the kids to get a small souvenir. He was not impressed, but I just responded that he wasn’t there to voice an opinion, so tough. Or I used to apologise for making an easy dinner, but now I say, this is all I had time to make, tough. In these situations I feel my attitude has changed since getting sober.
I can only speak from my own experiences. When I get the f it’s I’m usually turning inside anger outside.Im exhausted. Nor seeing the results I want or stagnant in my recovery. Give yourself some grace and take it easy on you.
Hmmm? To worry about, I don’t think so.
I have found in my application that if I state what I see or feel about the situation it’s healthier than lashing out or keeping quiet.
For example: Ma’am/Sir, I feel the price for this thrift store shirt is really inflated, especially since most of the others are 2 bucks cheaper.
Now, they may get butthurt but that’s out of my control! If they get lippy back without stating how they feel, then that warrants a good ol’ fuck all the way off grin and disconnect…I feel.
So… The sense of power and control is a thing… But we need to redirect it. We aren’t actually controlling anything except how we let it effect us. I ran out of fucks to give… My very few that I have left are reserved for people that deserve them… And people that give fucks back lol I have gotten to where I come across almost numb. Like I can verbalize that I am unhappy about something but I don’t waste my emotional energy. When people ask I tell them I only have so much emotional energy to give. I’m not going to waste it on negativity… Just my thoughts on it.
For example I had someone express the lack of desire to associate with because of this or that. Ultimately bc they don’t like the person I’ve become post abuse and without substances. I just saod okay. I like me for the first time in my life… So that’s not changing but let me know if you change your mind. And walked Away. I’m sure it seemed cold. But it is what it is. We are apparently at an impasse. Why expend the energy…
I don’t care about most of me around, including media. My people, my pets, places I often go to, organizations I interact regularly with: I care about them, appreciate and engage. Everything else: nope. I do my jobs, they do their jobs and when someone tries to make me do their job or convince me that bullshit is ok - I adress it as it is: No, that’s not ok and we now try again for a better result, don’t try to fuck me up. I have only a restricted amount of energy for the day and I put it mainly into things I either like ot have to do anyway, minimalizing bothering with bullshit, annoyance, anger … I adress it immediately and mostly calm, keeping silent makes me upset, lashing out is exhausting and not constructive.
For me it is a process of setting healthy boundaries and adressing negative energy directly.
So no, I don’t think you have to worry about it
Thank you everyone for sharing… I really thought about what you all said. I can see how that “not giving crap” attitude comes out when I have anger on the inside and it’s one of my ways to stop caring and to act like it doesn’t bother me. I can also see how it is a positive thing bcuz I’m not allowing things out of my control, to rent space in my head. I guess like anything it’s how we use it. @CoeurDeLion Richard that song was aoo funny!!! I’m going to listen to this the next time I’m angrt or something lol just made me laugh!
I set boundaries last night about something. I was very direct about it and may have seemed cold about it but I wasn’t mean or rude. I was setting my expectations about something. And then I sort of backed off and became a bit more compassionate over this person and their actions realizing what she may be going thru. I am seeing her today at 2pm. I will be friendly and still stick to my boundaries (bcuz I did mean what I said), and then go about our conversation. I just need to find a balance I guess. I’ve always been so extreme in everything I do. Even with how I act or how i talk. I need to just pick my battles and be kind about how o approach people and what is bothering me. Really great feedback tho on the post everyone! I appreciate u all!
Hi, @Butterflymoonwoman
Hope all is well,
I don’t have a specific thought for you, but I have some words those i use them to get through same situations …
The good times are passing. .also the bad times
So …it doesn’t matter what I feel !!!and it doesn’t matter what I think!!!
The matter what I do !!!
Hope these words make different
And I hope everything will be okay for you soon
and I don’t know if this is something to worry about.
