After yet another spell of sobriety and knowing I would never drink and drug again I began to notice everyone around me was changing and I wasn’t happy about any of it. Also life still had lots of things going wrong and I wasn’t happy about that either. I was 7 days sober and I was promised happiness and serenity by the people at AA, was I doing something wrong. I always knew I was the exception to the rule.
In reality the only thing that had changed was my attitude and my perception of things and finally having to feel emotions I’ve not had ever.
Even now with 15 months I’m still learning to deal with situations sober, I laugh louder and cry harder but I love that I get to experience it.
The world is not out to get you, people don’t wake up everyday and plan how to upset us. Sobriety will not solve every problem you ever have bc alcohol etc was the solution to all our problems and it’s time to find another solution.
Thank you so much for this topic i can relate in a lot of what you said ! Gives me strenght !
I found inspiration in many places but this one really got me. So it’s a new year with a new bunch of hopefuls joining the community and gotta be worth a re - post.
Also it was very important for me to learn about how my thinking worked. I was never going to change my drinking if I couldn’t change my thinking. It does take time and practice just like everything else worth doing but you can decide that you are going to be happy today. You can decide if people are going to annoy you or if they are entitled to their own actions and opinions.
Remember you don’t know what’s going on in anybody else’s life so don’t judge them until you have walked in their shoes. Even then don’t judge them until you have looked hard and honest at yourself and asked yourself why you allow other people to affect your emotions. If we can do this we find we are better off not judging anything apart from our own responses to life.
The Wall - I always hit a wall at day 3 it was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt apart from the day I left my kids. I would have complete breakdowns emotionally and physically. Once I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack. Doctors told me not to stop suddenly as it was going to be dangerous but you can’t tell an addict of any kind to just have 1 about 5 o clock just to take the edge off.
I had so many day 3s and they never got any easier but I did gain experience which meant I was able to prepare myself. I would attempt my next sober spell making sure I had absolutely no way of causing me more stress than I could handle, I would have the day off work with no other commitments. I would mentally prepare myself with the most important word I found in the early days ACCEPTANCE.
We have to accept this is how it’s going to be, it’s not going to be easy, it’s the price we pay I’m afraid and there really isn’t any easy option. There are days we are going to have to hurt and hate it and tell ourselves we can’t do this anymore. The days are going to be so long and there won’t be sleep at the end of it.
But that pain goes ( I can promise you that) and what awaits you on the other side is quite miraculous.
I don’t use that word lightly bc if you are a drunk or drug addict of the same type as me and trust me you are, it’s a miracle we are able to stay sober for one day let alone 3.
Welcome to sobriety, welcome to the age of miracles.
This is one of my favourite videos . In fact I love anything by this man 
The Wall Part 2 - 30 days!!
For some reason at 30 days I always thought I had all the answers bc surely if I cannot drink for 30 days then what the hell am I worried about. I’ve proved I can stop whenever I want ( after 30 years and numerous attempts) and maybe I’m making too much of a big deal about the whole thing, an alcoholic or addict would never be able to pull this off.
I once went to the beach for a quiet walk with nature to celebrate 30 days and got so drunk I couldn’t eat and thought I had really gone and finished myself off.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness and each time we relapse it gets harder to stop, it would always be a long time before I could get 30 days again (But I could stop when I want remember).
This is why we take it one day at a time it’s not all about worrying about tommorow or next week it’s about being present and keeping your mental guard up. It’s about doing everything on day 100 that you did on day 1.
Don’t listen to the lies, Your an alcoholic /addict you cannot have just the one.
Hey don’t panic, it’s only for today. Do what you want tommorow 
The elephant in the room - God. OK I don’t go to church, I’ve never read any religious text and I don’t associate with any particular sect or belief of recognition.
And yet I pray.
When I had nowhere left to run and death seemed the only option it’s funny how important my life suddenly become and I became so desperate to cling on to what little I had that one day I found myself praying to a god I didn’t believe in for help I didn’t deserve.
First time I asked and first time I was given an answer.
Something shifted inside of me that day, so much was removed from me and all that space was replaced with love and the feeling that everything was going to be OK from now on. I used to feel lonely in a room with 100 people and now no matter where I am something is always with me.
Many people have a severe change of spiritual attitude when faced with situations that they cannot cope with or fear like death and illness, is it God? To me God is a word and religion was invented bc mankind cannot comprehend the immensity of such a word.
So I pray bc it keeps me sober today, I don’t question it bc I know I will not find the answers or the understanding of what I have inside of me.
Keep an open mind. Don’t judge and you won’t be judged.
I may be mad now talking to myself in prayer but isn’t it surely better than the insanity we lived in before.
If you can’t believe or accept God we can all believe and accept Good. Just add an ‘O’ and pray for good.
The relapse - Or the many I should say. I felt so alone and so defeated and it got to the point where I knew no matter what I did I would never be able to stop. But what was I actually doing apart from hoping myself sober, nothing. The thing is it was OK for everyone else but they’re not me, I’m different and I’m not stupid so stop telling me what I should be doing bc I know what to do I just can’t do it.
Now when I help other people I see my addiction in all of them, I see the actions they take and the thought process of a typical person with an addiction. This is why talking to someone with the same problem as you is in the top 3 things to do in the recovery tool kit. But make sure the people you are talking to are the ones with long term sobriety bc Number 1 in my tool kit is LISTEN, number 2 is LEARN. You learn to be sober the same way you learn to do anything and that’s with PRACTICE. Practice doing what sober people do on a daily basis until it becomes the new normal.
So basically in recovery there are only 2 times you need to open your mouth, the first time is to ask for help, the second time is to tell someone else what you have been doing everyday to stay sober.
I had plenty of advice for everyone else yet I couldn’t do a week or a day myself so what good was my advice. Best thing I could have done is forget everything I thought I knew about recovery and listen to someone who really did know.
I did this eventually and no prizes for guessing what happened next. Day 489.
This thread is really great Paul !! Hugely helpful. And just … good stuff. Thank you 
Attitude or The spiritual shift - I’ve said it before and no doubt I will say it again but whilst active I lived my whole life in fear. The way I dealt with fear would be to presume that the worst was definitely going to happen and be ready to attack first. I always felt the need to justify myself to others bc I felt others were always judging me and didn’t like who I was.
To a point this is true but now I’m sober and I don’t live my life in the same selfish manner I’ve came to realise other people were just reacting to how I was treating them. Today I had a meeting with my boss and in the past I would have had the entire conversation in my head and have all the answers ready to put up a good fight, I might even let her get a word in edgeways.
Today with being polite and smiling and letting things take their own course we had a lovely two way chat with plenty of laughs and praise.
I can’t wait for you all to find out who lies beneath the skin.
It’s so much easier to have love for other humans when you have learnt how to have love for yourself.
Comfort Zones - There were and still are many things in life that make me feel uncomfortable but my comfort zone was a dangerous place to be. To get sober and stay sober I was going to have to swallow some pride, walk through my fears and lose a lot of self.
Talking at meetings instead of hiding away was a huge obstacle, I thought I had to be the funniest and the earth moving speech had to be worthy of an Oscar. I had to be original and I was going to move onto bigger things in AA and be everyone’s guest speaker.
Ego ego ego, me me me.
Turns out being humble and sincere and honest was going to get me past my fear.
All other people need to know is what we do to stay sober and this we can talk about with confidence, this we can offer.
Don’t try and reinvent the wheel just use your experience to help others, it’s worked for years. And don’t take the credit for passing on what’s been given to you freely bc being cool in AA is like sitting on the big boys table in the nut House.
You’ll learn nothing in your comfort zone so keep pushing yourself. Keep growing.
At some point in my recovery I had to take a long hard look at who I had become or even who I had always been and I didn’t particularly like it. Not bc I had to do it I just didn’t like admitting that any of it was true.
The good news is that once we have the courage and honesty needed to do this we are then in a strong position in our recovery. Once we know our weaknesses ( Character defects) we can then look at what is needed of us to change them and once we start this life long quest ( You will never be perfect) our lives slowly but surely take on a whole new meaning.
It’s true we do reap what we sow so start sowing a few seeds of goodness each day, invest yourself in others bc the returns are amazing.
First things first -
Such helpful information and insights. Thank you !
Dealing with life on life’s terms was going to make or break me, I had lived everyday either depressed or exstatic but towards the end mostly depressed. So what was I going to do next time I had a problem or next time I had my daily party for one head on???
As far as the problems were concerned most of them just disappeared bc I had made most of them up and they didn’t ever come to pass, yes life does not suddenly become perfect but we know after enough attempts that alcohol and drugs never solved anything. But what about that party head, oh we are such deserving people, if I was in a good mood without a care in the world I could sure as hell get wasted and make it a whole lot better.
We set out with a dream a dream to stop what we are doing and discover some happiness, so next time we have that craving for reward and self gratification we STOP AND THINK.
‘I am enough, this here right now is enough, I’m where I want to be, nothing is more rewarding than living my dream’
We don’t want to go backwards we know what waits for us there, let’s hold on a while longer and see what happens next in our sobriety.
Let’s continue our dream.
I absolutely love this. Thanks for the beautiful share 
Self - As time went by I came to believe that the only way I was going to stay sober was to remove ‘Self’ from the equation. My whole life had been about me and what I want and if you didn’t have anything I wanted I didn’t need you in my life. My friends were just people to drink with who either had more money than me or more drugs than me and if it wasn’t given to me I would steal it.
And I was never wrong.
I wanted to be the centre of attention but I wanted everyone to leave me alone, I expected everything and did nothing to deserve it.
But to stay sober life had to be different. We are not the be all and end all, other people do exist and they are allowed their own opinions and actions and not everyone has to like me and it really doesn’t matter if they all hate me bc I’m going to start liking me and when I treat people with kindness and respect its going to hard for them not to treat me the same. This all makes the day more bearable so got no excuse to get wasted bc so and so pissed me off and I don’t need to reward myself with substances bc just having a nice day is reward enough.
Next time you want a drink or whatever it is stop and think what you can do for someone else, the very least that will happen is you’ll stop thinking about what you want.
Long term sobriety was going to need long term changes in my perception of life. I had a routine that involved ‘Get out of bed, get wasted as quick as I can and as much as I can in the 24 hours provided’ if I had work it was a traumatic set back but it payed for my addictions so I’ll go in if I have to.
Luckily for me on Day 1 of asking to be sponsored I was given a new routine.
I would read it every morning without fail and practice to the best of my abilities to work at what it was telling me to do. After a few months I kinda had the basics memorised and instead of me working it it started to work me.
Even now when life, situations and people are not doing WHAT I WANT I know it’s only for today, I’ll stop to think of my next response, I’ll try and put others first and I’ll lie by putting a brave face on or a nice word to even the most obnoxious of people.
We will get it wrong some days and we will know when we have bc at the end of the day when we are alone or laying in bed we are going to be the only person over thinking the day and the people in it, we are going to be the only one worrying or getting angry and we are going to be the only one fretting about tommorow instead of sleeping.
Try and get it right today and let tomorrow have its day, everything that can happen will happen… how you going to respond.
I can’t thank you enough for sharing these. They are so so helpful
This is so true. I’ve been journaling from Jan and day 3 usually goes into day 1.
Day 4 tomorrow though🤯