Very well put Mr P 
1 Like
Don’t think you know everything… OK so you’ve got some time under your belt maybe 1 or 2 years, you’ve maybe worked a program or found a routine that works for you BUT what if something comes along and puts a spanner in the works, what if you don’t have the answer??
I’ve recently listened to someone with 2 weeks sober, I’m approaching 2 years, and I learnt something. There is more than one way to skin a cat ( sorry cat lovers) and although I know how to stay sober for a day I have to remind myself that other people are more than capable of the same feat by taking different actions. Your mission in life as well as remain sober is to gain enough knowledge and experience to make your sober life fulfilling, not picking up your drug of choice is the bare minimum required of us. Now it’s time to live, love, listen and learn.
If you know how I can make this more simple please tell me, I got people I would like to pass it on to once I have finished with it.
5 Likes
You can’t save em all… Helping others in recovery.
So you think you’ve cracked it and want to pass on that wonderful feeling to someone else, Firstly get rid of the god complex bc you can’t force anyone to do what they don’t want to do, secondly don’t take it so personally if they carry on drinking etc. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong and yes they are doing their best even though it doesn’t look like it to you. Not many of us yourself included managed to flip the switch the first time and walk in the light and live happily ever after. Be kind not judgemental, be firm but fair. Be honest and open and share your own experiences so they know they are not the only one. But never give them an excuse “Oh you’ve had a tough day I’m not surprised you drank” These were our excuses and we know now that they were never justified. I have sponsees tell me they are struggling I sit and listen quietly then say the same thing to all of them “I don’t care how you feel, we all feel something. I care what your doing about it”
So what are you doing about it??
6 Likes
2 years sober and not excited. That’s exactly how I want it to be bc for the first time in my life and recovery it means alcohol is not the most important thing anymore. Always grateful and never taken for granted but now I have other things to think about, I don’t have to check my counter everyday. There’s so much going on in life that doesn’t revolve around what I want. The beauty of it is we are still growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually, there is still so much to be done in our approach to life and more importantly the people in ours even if it’s just for 5 minutes. Sobriety can never get boring bc now I’ve learnt the bit about not picking one up I get to practice living and now even when I’m doing nothing I’m learning something.
8 Likes
So you think your out of the woods… I went to congratulate my sponsee on his 1 year sober birthday and he vanished off the face of the planet and went on a 3 day bender. We’ve spoken once since and now he is ill and ignoring my messages. He stopped drinking after being in hospital with liver failure and being filled with loads of tubes. He knows one drink can kill him and yet its not enough to stop.
Addiction has no clock, 1 year, 10 years, it will wait like a spore until you feed it. It loves ego - The day you think you can take control again and have one.
It loves dishonesty - I’ve started now so might as well enjoy myself and stop again tommorow, I’ve done it once I can do it again.
But mostly it loves feeding off your spiritual fitness, this is not religion. You pick up again for a simple reason YOU ARE AN ADDICT. Whilst using you are living in the problem and not the solution.
If you have some time behind you and relapse get a piece of paper and write down all the things you were doing and thinking when you were on your pink cloud (Your spiritual high), now take a look at what you were doing and thinking coming up to your relapse. More than likely the words self, resentment, anger and fear will pop up.
Your sobriety is like a weed you can’t just cut the head off and expect it to stop growing, yeah for a while nothing will happen but before you know it your addiction is back with a vengeance and your aimlessly trying to hack away at the heads until it’s too overwhelming so you just give up and let it grow. You gotta get to the roots, you gotta get deep and see where your addiction is coming from, them roots are buried deep inside ourselves not flapping around outside. Find a root grab it and deal with it, you’ll never entirely have a weed free garden but it’ll be a lot more manageable to live in if you can address the roots.
Personally I have a whole patch of fear, I was always fighting back fear. From the moment I woke up the whole day engulfed me with thoughts that were 99.9% in my head. Just for today I will remove that root, just for today we can see what grows in its place. Its beautiful.
8 Likes
“Cunning, baffling, powerful…” and patient.
5 Likes
25 months and several days of sobriety and probably at the most vulnerable I’ve been in my sobriety. OK yeah it does get easier like people go on about but even now it’s not always my favourite option. Started getting out and about and going places I’ve never been and the only reason is bc of my sobriety but I still think it could all be more fun drunk. AA says hand it all over to God or your higher power but that starts to wear thin after a while.
I live a happier and more fulfilling life but I’m coming to the conclusion that being an alcoholic means life is never going to feel quite right.
At this stage of my recovery it’s not so much about what I’ve gained but more what I’ve got to lose.
We are all just one stupid thought from regret.
8 Likes
No truer words could be spoken.
I’ve been feeling much the same way these days. Your statement above helps to know I am not the only one. 
4 Likes
You’re doing great man. I just want to encourage you that you’re not missing out on anything by choosing to leave the bottle behind. That old subconscious addict inside is lying to you.
There’s a couple of good books I’ve read that truly uncover the brainwashing that one deals with when quitting.
Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol
and
Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind
Warning: they’re not going to heavily endorse AA. But I think that one can still embrace the message without feeling the need to give up 12-step support.
I just don’t want to you to feel that you’re having to make some sort of sacrifice by quitting alcohol. The fact is you’re not sacrificing anything by choosing sobriety. Alcohol has no value. It’s completely worthless.
3 Likes
cheers Kevin, read the grace book on one of my many attempts. Thanks for the encouragement though you’ve been there from day one and it’s been well noted and appreciated. I know going back is shit but once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. Out of all the things I’ve heard over the years ONE DAY AT A TIME really is the best any of us can do. Anyway I hope you’ve been keeping well?
4 Likes
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. That old addict inside me doesn’t listen to anything sensible. I cannot trust it for one second. So I don’t.
2 Likes
And this is why we can’t do this alone, we think we’re the special one but we’re just another addict with the same addict thoughts. Alcohol, drugs, sex, food, self harm, media etc, stick with the winners and do what they do.
4 Likes
Putting the work in - When we set out on our journey many of us have a plan of action ( after just winging it the first 100 times) and it generally involves several things that are new to us or out of our comfort zones or mostly just can’t be arsed with. But on this occasion we strike gold and find with some commitment from ourselves we are putting some days together sober, days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years and at some point in all this we have a down time. Things become a bit mundane and the old days don’t seem as bad as we remember them and mentally and emotionally it’s not as amazing as it once was and where is this sober life of miracles I was promised.
It’s where its always been, it’s just where we left it.
There is a saying in addiction that the definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting a different result, well the same can be said for recovery, keep doing the things that kept you happy joyous and free and sober at the beginning and you will get the same result. Keep putting the work in, it’s a fine line between insanity and genius.
7 Likes
How to be A WINNER - I’m doing OK in my own sobriety and with what I have been shown and told I’m pretty sure I’m going to go to bed sober today. This has put me in a position to guide other people in their sobriety and so far have watched everyone of them relapse, and very heavily with devistating results, as a result of one simple reason.
YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR ADDICTION.
We are not at fault we are born that way, if you couldn’t manage it before what the hell makes you think you can manage it now.
There is a reason everything is getting better in your life or is good already and it’s bc you’ve put the effort in, sucked up the pain and come through to the other side.
One last ditched attempt at your addiction and your back where you started and worse bc you think what do I do now bc that obviously didn’t work… Wrong… It did work its just that you stopped working it, you got cocky and you got lazy.
You know all those people that keep coming on here or those people at your meetings with 10 or 20 years sober it’s not just coincidence or they got lucky,they know what they were then what they are now and what they will be if they don’t carry on doing what works for them… They were an addict, they are still an addict and they will forever be an addict.
The only difference is do you want to be a miserable one or a happy one.
It’s you choice.
9 Likes
There comes a time to live - I’m pretty sure that most people will understand when I say that in the early days recovery had to be a 24 hour obsession. First the addiction runs your life and then the constant thought of self improvement and goal setting, programs to stick to and how to pass the time sober. But a new year is coming up and OMG I’ve got to be sober all over again. It’s scary and beautiful all at the same time. I can’t be clean and sober for another year, I don’t want to be, so it’s continue one day at a time mentality except the beauty is plans have been made, goals have been set bc next year is year 3 and its the year to start living. The ground work is done after 2 years and we’ve got a good understanding of what works and what doesn’t, emotions have settled down and dare I say it we have begun to think straight ( more often, not always).
keep using what works on a daily basis and incorporate it into a monthly plan is my approach now. I still can’t promise I’ll be sober tommorow but having things to look forward to that can only happen through sobriety is some fine self inspiration.
So yeah stick with it and you’ll be like this once hopeless case - life skills 
coping skills people skills .
If it’s this good now what’s tommorow bring.
9 Likes
The things we are not -
Different
Special
The only one
Weak
Hopeless
Alone
To blame.
The Things we are… Eerrrm… Your just an addict, accept it, accept help and accept that sometimes in life we don’t need a reason for the things that happened in our past only a reason to change today.
You are that reason, your enough and you always have been.
Took me years to stop searching for things that made me happy whilst only becoming more miserably in the process.
I was blind to what was in front of me all along.
8 Likes
Who do you turn to when there’s no one beside you… A mate of mine walked into his own living room to find his wife laying on the sofa drunk and asleep getting abused by his friend. My mate is now doing 90 meetings in 90 days driving hundreds of miles a week in the search of rooms to go to OR do 25 years for murder.
A recovery program is not just going to help you stop your addiction it will be a rock a foundation for stable living. It will help you make better decisions than the usual fuck it attitude and it will give you people who will always have your back unconditionally.
Don’t do this alone don’t ignore what’s freely given don’t forget how to use it.
If you are one of the people who think no one cares about go to some meetings you’ll only find love and laughter I promise.
6 Likes
OLD DOGS AND NEW TRICKS - I’m experiencing a lot of relapses and negativity around me at the moment and the one thing I’m noticing about these people and the ones who are sober and happy ( like me 
) is the sober ones have this desire to keep on learning and keep on giving.
We can’t stay sober on yesterday’s program, each morning is the chance of a relapse or another opportunity for a sober day. 2 years 4 months now and everything I’ve learnt about recovery and myself is worth nothing if I don’t use it today and share with other people what could work for them. Do I go to less meetings now I’m cured 
… No I go to more, Why?.. There’s more people I need to meet and listen to with far more experience than me that I’m going to need for the next phase of my journey, I need to hear that I’m not cured, we never will be, I need to tell newcomers they are in the right place.
What’s the point in having what we’ve got if we don’t use it… Help family, friends, community, charity, anyone less fortunate than ourselves and especially people who think they are more fortunate than ourselves, oh how the high and mighty intellectuals could benefit in a lesson in humility… I know I did 
.
5 Likes
THE ME FACTOR… Done all the drinking done everything I wanted to try and get sober done the 12 steps of AA bc my way wasn’t working out so well and learnt a lot about where the problem was and knowing when these ugly defects pop up. That being said I still have a lot of me factor left, I still would like people and things to do things that I have decided would be better if it was all done the way I want.
I was listening to a podcast the other day and the person on there was talking about their good and bad days and his mindset on his bad days was " Did I really think everyday was going to be great?",
I like that, it kinda takes the pressure off.
So did I really think there wouldn’t be a day when a drink or drug would be nice?
Did I really think every minute of every day was going to go to my liking?
Did I really think that everyone I ever met was going to agree with me and vice versa?
Did I really think I was never going to be wrong or make a bad decision?
The only thing we have to do is not pick up for one day, the rest can take care of itself without us being the judge, jury and executioner.
8 Likes
The great pretender… 2 years 5 months of daily miracles, sounds glamorous. I’ve booked some holidays this year both centered around music and fun, and I’ll put my mask on and dance sober, laugh sober and watch everyone around me really enjoying themselves. Somethings are better with drugs or alcohol that’s a fact, there is nothing a matter with alcohol and millions of people drink it quite normally to unwind, relax or let their hair down so I can too.
But I can’t, because I know that alcohol is not the problem then it’s obvious the problem is me and that couple of drinks to let my hair down will result in me letting everyone down not just my hair.
So I’ll pretend I’m happy bc I don’t know how to act in certain situations that I’ve never done sober bc the alternative is to sit in the corner miserable. It’s ironic bc I used to sit in the corner looking miserable when I was drunk and I thought I was happy then too. I think most of us have all been The great pretender.
We can’t pretend to be sober though, this alone will bring us an amount of joy capable of filling the heart even when we can’t fill our glass.
6 Likes