I cried on my way to school today because all I could do was be thankful that he has not given up on me yet. So I told him and his response was I never will babe!!! 
love him so much I want this for me but he deserves my sobriety too.
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12 min ago I hit day two !! Baby steps right 
better this than insanity
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Interesting never heard peanut butter lol Iāll give it a try
I was in a similar situation. Driving drunk, blackouts, fighting with everyone, and never being able to stop at just a couple. When I finally decided to get sober it was for my kids, because they deserve the best version of me and being drunk or too hungover to play with them is not the best me. Then I realized that I need to be sober for me. My self esteem has gone up ten fold since quitting. Best decision I made. You can do it!
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I hope that we can help as being able to check the forum every day has helped me. I didnt check in til i was well on my way as i felt i would jinx myself. I juat read eveyone elseās posts.
Sending love and support. I hate when I have been there. We can do this
I feel your pain. Your story is pretty much identical as mine, except thankfully my kids were oblivious to it. Unfortunately my husband copped the brunt of my rage. The thing that stopped me was my mother telling me I was going to lose everything. I had already known that deep down inside, but someone saying it aloud finally sunk into my head. I have been sober for 40 days now and feel incredible!!! You can do it too!!! Please read āThe Naked Mindā, it helped me immensely.
I can not stand the smell of alcohol now, and cannot imagine myself ever drinking again, whereas before 3 days sober was a massive achievement that i would celabrate with by getting blind.
Commit to your health, commit to your happiness, commit to your families happinessā¦ life is so much better on the otherside.
You can do this!!!
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I have been there. I used to binge drink until I blacked out or passed out. I was a fool in front of my kids wife and family. There are days I will never get back. The embarrassment and shame took a while to get over. It gets better. You can beat this but you need to stay away from the drinking. I was sober for 3.5 years and then I tried to social drink again but my old habits crept back in. Now Iām 98 days sober again and plan on staying that way. I wish you well. This is a good place to go for support.
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My heart goes out to you. I hate waking up next to the most amazing man wondering to myself, āWhat did I do this time?ā It is such a terrible feeling. I get violent and emotional. I hate waking up to my home trashed because of my blackout rages. Itās so humiliating. Iām ready for this to end too. The best of luck to you. We can kick butt on this nasty disease!
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Itās one of the most terrifying feelings. If he was on the couch or in the spare bedroom the next morning I knew it was bad. That uneasy guilty feeling kills me. Then listening to what I said or how I got physical killed my soul. I often wondered how he even stood by my side after the hell I put him through. Good luck to you! I hope you never have to wake up with that dread again! 
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I hope you are still interested in staying sober. Itās possible. I believe in AA, but I also listen to podcasts and participate it forums like this. Good luck to youā¦hope/pray I see you in one of my meetingsā¦
I sent this post in January it took me until May to admit myself into a rehab for the first time in my life. Today I am 5.5 months sober and celebrating some of the joys of sobriety!! It is hard and frustrating sometimes but so far so good. Lacking support and finding meetings a bit pretentious where I am located so have fallen out of that routine. Anyone from Panama City Beach Florida ? I could sure use some friends who understand what Iām going through.
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Congratulations! Im on day 19 and excited to keep hitting milestones!
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I have days that sound like yours my last day of drinking seemed similiar i got real angry at my partner and hurt him. He has fogiven me but i wont go back to drinking. I use those memories to move forward. Im at 7 days now and looking forward to double digits. I also am a mum of 4 and a uni srudent. Im almost in my last yr of early childhood. I think that its hard juggling work uni and kids and drink seems like an escape bit itās not. I have started doing exercise which is helping me on my road.to recovery and makes me happy. Good luck and u are not alone.
It takes courage to be honest and to change. Check out Home sober podcast (google home sober podcast). Its two ladies talking really candidly about their alcohol abuse and how they approach sobriety. Ive found it to be helpful and entertaining.
Yeaā¦get yourself to some meetings. Get some numbers. Stay close to the herd and if you think you want a drinkā¦pick up that 75 pound phone and call someone. Just say you wonāt drink for just one day. Then do it again the next day.
So many shameful mornings not knowing what I did. Having to look at my phone log and read my texts. Looking at my bank statement and seeing how much my bar tab was. Telling my ex fiancĆ© I would have an affair with him I didnāt care he was married. Just terrible things. We all can relate.
The good news is, you DONT have to feel this way again. There is a solution.
Itās like I was reading a story about myself. Iām only 3 days sober and my husband hasnāt spoken with me since the night I blacked out. Iām honestly afraid to bring it up so I have been avoiding him when he gets off of work. I want to tell him that whatever it is I did that Iām sorry but i already know his response. That I will just do this all over again. Instead of telling him Iām sorry, i actually want to just stay sober and prove to him that i do mean i am sorry and i am working on proving it to him. Itās just tough because this shitstorm of stress that weāve gone through the past couple of months. I recently had a dui which was unfortunately a week prior to us moving across country for his new job. Basically the profit we made from selling our house all went to my dui and now Iām working, juggling a 2 and 5 year old, trying to pay for daycare, and still make some sort of profit at the end of the day to pay it all off. I just feel like thereās this huge weight on my shoulders and I am the cause of all of it. We are halfway across the US away from everyone I have ever known and the only people Iāve encountered so far have been other addicts at community service, and dui school which has been horrible for my self control even more so when combined with the loneliness of having no friends or family here. I am hoping this app will help me to start figuring out how the hell to climb out of the hole Iāve dug myself. My marriage is hanging on by threads and the silence between us is giving me awful anxiety. I know if I bring it up, it will end up in a chaotic explosion and Iām afraid heās going to tell me he wants a divorce. Sigh. Anyway, sorry for the long winded train wreck of a story. I just wanted to say that I feel you girl. Just hang in there and hopefully I can do the same as well.
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Congrats on your 7 days! Keep it up.
Google AA
Find a meeting!!
Tell him your going because you love him.
Demonstrate with action, what this deal means to you.
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