Just finished a two day bender. Absolutely disgusting. Spent hours arguing with family over the phone and texts again. I made a fool of myself again. I’m just so beaten up by this drinking problem and depression I just donhave any strength left in me. And I know I can’t do this alone. What do I do? 
7 Likes
You make a decision to go sober and accept that you cant control your drinking anymore, but you do it for you and you only because you can have a better life, its all up to you. We can and will all be here for you on here day and night but its you that has to make that decision. It can be done. My love to you 
5 Likes
Thank you for your comment Starlight! I’ve been on this journey for years and I just don’t seem to be doing a good job. There’s nothing I want more than be sober, forgive people and let go of my resentment but I just don’t know how to do it. Therapy doesn’t help, meds don’t help. I can go for a few months sober but eventually I always pick up again and it’s getting progressively worse. I’m sure many of us have a similar story. I’m just nearing my limits and I’m scared of what that means. I’m so sorry for being such a Debbie Downer, but I’m really struggling. Maybe I should give AA try again. I don’t know.
4 Likes
I had some deep seated resentments that brought me to drinking too, childhood ones in particular…funnily enough therapy kind of didnt help me either until one suggested working on my own self esteem and through doing that i started to get better…im not totally there yet but ive managed 6 months sober so far by working on myself in my own way…a couple of suggestions other than that are the Stutz documentary on netflix and allen carrs easy way to stop drinking were both game changers for me xx
4 Likes
Seems like we have quite a bit in common. My self esteem is non-existent as well. It’s reassuring to know I’m not that different from other people. But it also sucks knowing others go through that too because it’s terrible.
Watching the documentary now & I’ll look into that book too. Thanks for the tips 
2 Likes
That’s the problem! Commitment takes effort and it’s a scarce commodity for me these days. Giving up sounds much easier. But I know you’re right. I need to push my doctor to get me help - more darn effort!! 
I’m sorry to read you’re going through rough times… quitting drinking has little to do with willpower, because we ran out of it at some point. I learned that after reading “This naked mind” from Annie Grace. Maybe it’s worth giving a try? Wishing you the best!
2 Likes
If you haven’t before, it definitely is worth trying. I have been in and out of the program and I don’t consider that a success or failure, I will probably drink alcohol or use sometime again in my life, I just feel confident that my higher power has got me for the rest of the day, The reason why I say this is because by going to the meeting and doing the steps, you start offloading some of your own inability to control yourself over to your higher power for them to support you. I am probably not explaining it correctly but would definitely recommend you read the the big blue book.
3 Likes
You are worth it you know, you absolutely are, i think your worth it but you need to work on coming to that realisation yourself…thats when things will change for you, talk on here anytime you need to we are all here for you
2 Likes
When we forget that alcohol has more power than we do we develop the delusional thinking that we can beat it or only do it sometimes and have control over the amount. I myself did it for far too long and I had no choice but to surrender and take the first step to abstinence completely.
3 Likes
What a good reminder! I have some books in my bedside table and I never take them out!! I guess today’s the day. I went to a meeting once but struggled going back or asking for help. I felt very emotional and embarassed. It’s so different in person than with the anonymity of the internet. I guess I just need to face those feelings.
2 Likes
I believe I have that book on mu Kindle. Another good reminder. 
thank you for your kind words
1 Like
Spot on! The key word being “delusion”.
thank you for your lovely words and kindness xx
1 Like
Compassion from people at the very start of my sobriety was what made me determined to make a big change, the fact that people cared when i felt so alone and unlovable gave me the power to move forward, you have probably done and said things in drinking that are so far removed from who you really are its unreal…that person is not you but to never be that person again youve gotta ditch the alcohol for good, you are loved more than you realise for the person you actually are
4 Likes
Beautiful, Starlight. And do true. When I got sober, I had zero self-love and felt completely unworthy of anything good. I just had to have an ounce of willingness to take the suggestions of others who had been where I was at one day at a time. It worked. Sobriety has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. Glad you both are here.
3 Likes
Thank you, you are one of my biggest supporters and have helped me so much, i love and appreciate you
My experience willpower wont get you sober maybe try a meeting might help helped me wish you well
6 Likes
https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
This is a link to a month long free program of videos, homeworks, etc, based on This Naked Mind. It was was really started me on this sobriety journey. Try it and give it your all. And if it doesn’t stick try AA again or SMART. I personally need to always be doing SOMETHING, reading book with my sponsor, doing my 10th step emails, meetings, to keep me on track. I do more than some people, less than others. You just have to mix and match what fits you.
Actually, just giving up was what got me through the steps. My sponsor told me to write a list, I wrote a list. She told me to read this part, I read that part. There were parts of the Big Book that pissed me off, I found a way to tweak things so I could accept it in my way. I don’t know exactly how it got me sober, but it did. Working on self-esteem, etc, well, that is lifetime work, but so much easier to work on now I’m sober.
4 Likes