Why are the nights the worst….
After days of some of the worst pain you think you can imagine. Bones feeling like they’re breaking. Stomach feeling like it’s being ripped out. So weak you have to crawl to the bathroom just to be sick. Praying not just for it all to stop and go away but praying you don’t make a mess because you don’t have any strength left in you to clean it up if you do.
And then the night comes……
You think to yourself, yes! Maybe now I will be able to sleep. Even if for mere minutes. But the night brings a different kind of pain and torture.
I start to think…. Maybe I’m not as fragile as I thought in the bring of this. Maybe, just maybe, by going through this horrible experience I might come out stronger then I was before.
Or maybe I’m just so sick and exhausted at this point that I’ve fallen asleep in the bathroom with vomit in my and I’m dreaming this entire post….
Stick with it Niz, soon it will get better. As long as we don’t use or drink it will get better.
All I know and can see is this agony I’m in. And the one thing that can take it all away in seconds. But I don’t want to be weak. I know I want to fight for my life back. My control back.
But when does that agony stop. When does it get better. Tomorrow will be my 5th day of this torture. And I feel my determination breaking every minute that goes by. I feel as though I’m losing a never winning battle or just my willpower to keep fighting……
I have to admit that it’s a bit different for each. I’m a drunk, tried kicking booze at home 4 different times and the last go I had terrible aches, dry heaves, fucking terrible chills like I
was shaking out of my skin. Then saw/heard & felt shit that wasn’t there and knew I couldn’t do it alone.
Yeah I’m a detox-rehab grad but I needed it. Fucking seizures likely would have done me in.
The bridge seemed like it was never going to end, but it did. Water, nibbles when you can and most importantly don’t be too proud to ask for help. Hugs friend & feel better soon.
Your words help. Thank you.
How are you feeling now ? You are doing amazing.
Feel like I’m loosing my mind a bit and my body is weaker then I ever thought it could be
Are you certain you don’t require medical help? Please don’t suffer alone.
Honestly no. I’ve never done this before. But I know once I do go down that route I will be labeled as a drug user. And never seen the same by any doctors or medical professionals ever again. And I don’t want that.
I really wouldn’t bother or worry too much about how you feel you might be perceived. Please put your health first. Be safe.
Hi @Niz and welcome 
Nights can be crappy, this too shall pass. Take it from minute to minute and focus on kindness and gratitude. This is something that helps me a lot with everything in life. Keep us posted here how you’re doing. Sending you calm 
What did you quit using if I can ask? Also, I learned early on that being honest about my alcoholism and addict self really helped. I don’t put it out like it’s grand accomplishment but I do own it if another asks. Makes it easier to live in this skin.
How are you today Niz? Getting better? Hope you have some relief
The burning in my muscles has gotten a lot better, and that sickening feeling in my stomach isn’t as bad as it was before