I went 8 months sober last year and when I decided to drink again in October my friend who likes drinking was over the moon. Saying I have you back ect ect. I’ve decided to not drink for 1 year now. I’m not going to make it a big deal this time as the more people who find out, it seems that they want you to drink. Like I have to justify why I’m not poisoning my body. I have a strong will and know I will accomplish my goal.
Can people give me some examples of what to say to people when I am not accepting someone’s offer to drink with them. I’m not an alcoholic I just don’t want to drink anymore.
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I had the exact same problem! I think it’s partly because they are uncomfortable about their own drinking and also because they think we are “funny” when we do silly drunk things, which let’s face it, are never funny for us. I’m afraid I haven’t quite cracked answers either so looking forward to reading people’s responses!
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When my hubby and I quit a couple years ago and were 7 months sober before we started back drinking (now quit again and its been just over 6 weeks dry…) we went out of our way to proclaim it to some friends and some family, in particular our families. It seemed to be the right thing to do at that moment, but when we started drinking again (went on a cruise and got the drink package, few months later went on another cruise and got the drink package again, continued after it when we told ourselves we were going to stop and didn’t, then Covid hit and we said F It…)… there weren’t a lot of comments but a lot of looks of disappointment and judgement which totally didn’t help. It just pissed us off and made us angry. I know we disappointed particularly our families, but it was our choice to quit ans our choice to start again and no one can make you do either one (to quit or to drink). SO, this time we’ve decided to just keep it to ourselves and not make a huge statement about it or tell our parents or our kids," we are X amount days no alcohol free". We did tell our oldest since she and her bf made hubby and I dinner and we were concerned they might bring us a bottle of bourbon or wine since they enjoy drink and thats what they did on Father’s Day and being it was only 2 weeks in to us quitting. But when we did see our youngest she was sure to tell me that she heard about us quitting from the oldest so Im sure our 2 middle kids also have put 2 and 2 together now if they weren’t there.
Anyhoo, now Im somewhat relieved things are still touch and go with Covid because I’m not ready to truly start socializing with friends in particular. I know how drinking made me feel like total and utter sh*t but still want to put more days, weeks and months between our next social friend gathering. Plus about the cruises, we love cruising but pretty relieved they aren’t an option at the moment.
Sorry for the long winded response!
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I’m only 18 days in but with it having been over Christmas and New Year, even in tier 4 lockdown I’ve still had so many people ask why I’m not ‘raising a glass’ even over zoom, family quizzes etc. I’ve been honest and said drinking does not work for me and I’ve given up. I still get the ‘one will be fine’ comments but I just reiterate that I no longer drink and leave it there. Hope you have a lovely alcohol free 2021!
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I agree with Catherine that it is usually more of a reflection on how they feel about drinking, rather than how they feel about you not drinking.
It really should just be, “I am not drinking alcohol.” Full stop. Because you’ve decided on a year, you can push into that. Start with Dry January, Sober February - by March, just say you’ve decided to give it a go for a whole year and you’d like support. Even when you’re NOT an alcoholic, making a stand to not drink around friends is difficult. |
That’s how a lot of people get here in the first place, drinking “socially,” until they can’t do that anymore. I applaud you for your decision.
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I’ve dealt with that also. The first time I tried to get sober I lasted 6 months. I haven’t told them this time but I think its time I did. I’m going to just say that I want to be better. That’s it. No explanation needed. They will either take it or leave it. I’m an alcoholic and I’m worth more than them having a drinking buddy
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That is a tough one I guess for me I’ve told the friends of mine that drink, but I also avoid those same friends a lot now. It is very tough great topic
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I agree with all of your explanations! I think it makes people uncomfortable, because your sobriety is making them think about their own use …
I’ve had loads of situations like these. My roommate told me I was cooler when I used to drink. People at a party told me I was “killing the mood and bringing everybody down”. Nope. It was the discussion they started that was killing the mood.
I’m not really comfortable telling people I have a problem with alcohol yet - I just recently admitted it to myself. I’ve told a close friend that I’m dealing with depression and that I stopped drinking to help me get better (haven’t talked about the extend of my drinking though). He was really understanding and supportive. I wouldn’t be as open to strangers though … I usually just tell people I don’t drink, end of story. If they can’t stop asking questions, I either tell them I don’t enjoy it anymore or that I think it’s weird I have to explain myself to them.
My favourite situation was when a guy I was dating just couldn’t let it go. So I gave some kind of “rebel speech” that I don’t want to drink just to fit into societal norms anymore. I just wanted him to let it go, but he was flabbergasted. He told me that the very act of drinking is what he considers as “rebellious”, to break away from the daily pressure of leading an adult life. He couldn’t grasp the concept that I associate not drinking alcohol with freedom. He still talks to me about it, explaining how vitally important drugs are for feeling free (we’re not dating anymore at this point 
) … 
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If someone offers me a cigarette I say “No thank you I don’t smoke”, If someone offers me alcohol I say “No thanks I don’t drink”.
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Honestly like others said, it’s a denial trait.
They say when you do something alone, it’s a problem,
Add in insecurity, like I’m the only one drinking here? If I make a pig of myself and no one else does I look bad, if I’m gonna pound 12 beers but your gonna put down 14, I can use that as a scape goat. I don’t explain to people why I dont drink, I just say no thanks I’m not a drinker
@Penguin if a person I was dating said that, yeah I’d think that would be my last date. Kinda like the GF I had who insisted I didn’t have a problem she would have known, um we would have wine with dinner, she’d have a glass I’d have a bottle, and then continued to drink the house dry… denial is not just a river in Egypt
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That was our last date indeed. We’re still friends though, because apart from our differences he"s a great human being 
I agree, denial can be strong, especially in the people close to us … my roommate once saw me carrying out a bag full of empty bottles from my room. I told him I put them there so I wouldn’t forget to take them to recycling. He bought it we never consumed the amount I was carrying.
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Those who know me well, know that no amount of pressure can get me to do something I don’t want to do. No one could get me to stop drinking if I wanted to drink, and no one can get me to drink, because I choose not to. My wife and daughter, family members, and true friends know that no amount of pushing can get me to move in a direction I am not willing to go.
Let the inner you shine through. Display that iron will to be a non-drinker. Be firm, polite, respectful…and unbreakable.
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I just wanted to add that when and if people (family or friends) ask me from here further Im going to tell them that hubby and I spent thousands of dollars (well, not yet we have financed it) on a Peloton bike and now awaiting the arrival of our Peloton tread… so we have no more money to waste on drinking ourselves to death. We already spent thousands upon thousands of dollars (seriously, no joke… in just 6 weeks time we’ve saved at LEAST $700 between the 2 of us… we probably spent at least $500 a month on booze over the course of 5 years at LEAST as we’ve been drinking daily together with very few days off since we moved in together 7 years ago as of last month… thats a LOT of freaking money!!) on drinking for years… so its high time to spend the little money we do have doing our bodies good rather than bad!
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Depends-if I want to make people feel really uncomfortable I tell them I have liver cirrhosis. Usually shuts them up 
but in general, just say I don’t drink. Three simple words. If people don’t get it you shouldn’t be hanging around with them. They need to respect your decision! Always know ahead what you’re going to drink as well. If you are going to a bar (which you shouldn’t be in early sobriety but people do) make sure you know what you’re going to order. If you’re going to your friends house bring your own fizzy drink. This way you can say I have my own. Takes all the stress out of the situation 
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When my live in girlfriend at the time was telling me that I was drinking too much it was often because she was cleaning up after my pig ass, so I thought well she wont know I’m drinking and how much if I just put them in the recycling bin myself,
she used the same recycling bin so unless she was blind she could obviously see it getting fuller on my merit
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Same here! I am also trying to drop the need to explain myself as if its anyone else’s business! 
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I like your style.
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That’s what you should say then “I don’t feel like drinking” that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them and have a mock tail…if they aren’t happy with that then I would start rethinking that relationship…friends are supportive…saying things like “I have you back” makes me think that I was a drinking friend period…that”s not a friend; not a true one any way…at least in my opinion.
Stay your course, and happy 2021!
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You could say you’re trying to get in shape or stay in shape by not drinking. You could also say you get hung over more than you used to so it’s not worth the drinking anymore. I think honesty is the best policy and have told people I went to rehab for alcohol, but that embarrassed by husband so sometimes you have to get creative. I’m sticking with getting in shape for the New Year.
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Wow 
that is amazing that you’re using that drinking money on something healthy and productive. That’s a great comeback to people asking why you’re not drinking. You’re putting yourselves first. I plan on using this excuse as well. I’m working too hard in the gym to drink and lose my gains.
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