I don’t understand why my parents continue to drink in front of me when i have repeatedly asked them not to, as nicely as i can. They think I’m stupid, they put it in a different cup…. But I’m not FUCKING STUPID!
Thanks for letting me rant
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I understand your rant Aura.
That must make it harder on you and you probably don’t think they care. It must feel like shit. We never drank around our 2 kids when they were in recovery. Especially when they first started out. Personally I think it’s very thoughtless of them.
However……….I’m over 2 and a half years sober and my wife has had a drink or 2 or ten😬 every day of my sobriety.
We got a thread on here, anytime you want to rant or just read.
And I’m going back to Al-Anon meetings again because they really help.
I’ve learned if I’m focusing on my wife’s drinking I’m not focusing on my sobriety. It’s not always easy. Fuck. It’s hard as shit. But it’s a disease. It doesn’t mean they don’t love us.
Hang in there kid.
And by all means rant away if it makes you feel better.
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When I got sober, I expected everyone around me to change for me. I quickly found out I was expecting too much. I can’t control others including my husband. I was expecting my home to be my safe place which didn’t happen. My husband continued to drink daily but it’s his home too. The serenity prayer was on repeat in my head, especially the beginning…“god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”. I chose sobriety, not those in my life, and I had to figure out a way to live without turning those situations into resentments. AA helped me accomplish this.
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Hey Aura. Sadly we cannot expect others to take care of our sobriety. We must guard it ourselves and remove ourselves from tempting circumstances.
You’d think we could expect parents to put their own needs behind their kids’, but that sadly also is not always the case. Especially if these parents are addicts themselves.
I am sorry you’re not safe and supported in your home. Parents are ppl and ppl are complicated and sometimes they fall short of how good and responsible they could be.
It’s really fantastic you’re getting the support outside of home, here! You’re a smart and sensitive person looking out for herself, that’s amazing!
Much love!
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Man. This shakes me a bit. (For my own reasons, not Aura’s post - I am sure and hope she is much loved!)
Is that true? Do you think you could post a pic of the page or pages in Al-Anon about this if you have them handy?
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It’s hard one as normal people do drink.
I remember my Mum saying we will never drink in front of you, that lasted about a month
You’ve got to remember it’s your problem not their problem.
If this triggers you need to work on yourself to why this is the case. I’d recommend doing the steps and this will help you understand what I mean.
Today I can buy alcohol, be around alcohol and people can drink in front of me this is because alcohol isn’t a part of my life anymore
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That’s a difficult spot to be in while in early recovery, but maybe also later. For me it depends, my family doesn’t drink when I’m around. Some friends ask if they can have a drink in front of me and social events I just don’t care. My house is my safe haven and will stay so, in the past an ex insisted on having drinks when her family came over because they couldn’t do without it. We didn’t live together, so left overs were forgotten. You might know what happened to those and the rest is history. Currently I’m feeling quit vulnerable and avoid situation with alcohol, so it’s time dependent as well (I’m in a resentment and anger period, that’s just the reason I joined my first NA meeting yesterday) What for instance Lisa is mentioning is true, but is still a hard nut to crack for me. Personally I can’t imagine living together with someone who drinks in the future. A therapist ones told me: if you ask someone not to drink in your presence and they refuse it might be an indication they have a problem on their own. But that shouldn’t become your problem.
Which you all the best and strength to take care of your boundaries and to stand up for what you need.
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Hey 
I think it might come under the 3 C’s
I didn’t cause it.
I can’t cure it.
I can’t control it.
I don’t know if I can find a page that says that exactly, but there are many pages on love when I check the index of:
Courage To Change. My favorite daily devotional.
ODAAT In Al-Anon
Hope For Today.
That, and sharing experiences and living a life full of being affected in some way or another by addiction.
So my favorite reading about Love is in Courage To Change.
I’m still going to that hardware store for bread. But I’m marking less trips these days. It’s hard.
When I learn that addiction is a disease. A family disease. I find it helpful to know my wife would still love me if she had cancer. And I her. It’s impossible now for me to think if she just loved me why can’t she quit. It’s just doesn’t work that way. How much someone loves you has almost nothing to do with addiction. IN MY EXPERIENCE and of course MY OPINION.
I also think of my darling niece/daughter whose parents loved her so much. Eventually their drinking and drugging led them to heroin and eventually jail and we took her in a 5 or 6. And she looked at me and asked. Why don’t they love me? If they loved me they would stop doing that. I know her parents loved her. I was there witnessing it the first 3-5 years. Loving her had nothing to do with it when they were controlled by their heroin addiction.
Thanks for the question. I needed this deep thought this morning as I’ve been constantly relapsing and thinking poor me. I wrote a little about it on the gratitude thread.
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Congratulations 