Would love to know how you guys feel and think about this question that I’m sure we all deal with. 
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I don’t know why anyone else did it, but I’m an alcoholic and an addict. If left to my own devices I will drink and use drugs. They are but a symptom of my disease. My actual problem lies in my thinking. If I don’t give my will over to my higher power on a daily basis then it’s over for me.
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Scared of the truth, of failure, and of change. All the reasons I would do things that I knew would hold me back.
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Because we get some notion that it’ll make us feel good, and do so immediately. We like instant gratification, not discipline and work, especially when it comes to ourselves.
My best thinking got me here, that’s why I pray daily and do my best to give my will over to my higher power. It’s always my choice, but when it’s His will life just gets less complicated and easier for a drunk like me. He holds the lantern, I just gotta make the right choice to stay in His light, on His path.
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Because we are weak, and lack self-discipline. It really is as simple as that. It’s one thing to drink and use because you want to. I used to drink a lot, because that’s exactly what I wanted to do. When we can’t stop, even when we want to, it is because we are weak. Maybe we want to stop, but the physical pain of withdrawal is stronger than our ability to tolerate it. Maybe we aren’t mentally strong enough to even face the possibility of pain, and don’t even try. Maybe we’ve come through the physical discomfort, but we aren’t mentally strong enough to resist temptation, or loss of social relationships. Maybe we aren’t strong enough to accept the permanence that sobriety requires, and can’t commit to “never again”. Maybe we aren’t strong enough to get past a relapse, and just stay relapsed.
I didn’t get sober until I remembered that I am not mentally weak, that I could handle the pain of withdrawals, and was strong enough to never drink again. I remembered what a stubborn SOB I can be, and that no one can make me do anything that I don’t want to do, including ME! This may sound a bit schizophrenic, but really it isn’t. To quote Chief Sitting Bull:
“Inside of me there are two dogs. One is mean and evil and the other is good and they fight each other all the time. When asked which one wins I answer, the one I feed the most.”
I feed an encourage sober me. I have strangled and starved drunk me. He may be in there somewhere, but if he even so much as pokes his nose back into my life, I will take his freaking head off.
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Self destructive behaviour is innate in the human condition, it is exasperated by our addictions.
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Can I ask, did you quit on your own or did you attend a program? I know there’s many sources of knowledge your wisdom has been obtained from but I respect how you use it and what you take from it.
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I didn’t use a program like AA, or rehab. I have promised myself that if I ever relapse, that meetings are my escalation.
But I can’t say I’ve done it “on my own”, either. There’s my wife, and my accountability partner. There’s Myomoto Musashi and Jocko Willink. There’s Master Sergeant Moses Brown. There’s this forum…and then there’s my Higher Power.
I can say it starts and ends with me.
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Keeping us clean and sober one day at a time!
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That’s very much how I have approached this as well. I learned a lot the first 6 months I realized I needed to quit and eventually i was ready to face it and just did it. If I relapse, in a program I go. If I can stay with it “on my own”, I didn’t feel I needed a program but I do sometimes wonder if I’m shorting myself by not doing one. So, that’s why I was just curious as I knew Jocko was in your team but hadn’t seen you participate either on the program conversations.
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Introvert…that is the reason why I didn’t try meetings or a program right away. Introverts give off energy (emotional, spiritual, Chi, life-essence) in the group, and generate energy alone. I needed to steward what energy I had, until I had a full-charge on the battery. Meetings would have been counter-productive. I love people…but they wear me out.
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basically because we are human. nothing more nothing less
Totally understand! I literally said something similar today. In addition to all of that, I know while I go through my spiritual path, everything will work itself out! I’m still in harnessing mode. Soon, it’ll be sharing mode
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That makes sense bc everytime I take that test I’m strongly extrovert and I absolutely love meetings. I can see how there would be a connection there
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I’m like this, meetings really help me but were a last resort after a 5 month sober relapse. I couldn’t do them daily like some.
I still go cause the program works and I have to let people know about it, I made that commitment and it’s given me so much I have to share it.
I not a huge fan of the drunk logs, I love the recovery discussions though and I’m still an introvert, not in my appearance, but I stick around my own group mostly and occasionally attend other meetings with program friends.
Most people are blown away that I am an introvert. I work in outside business to business sales, teach classes, and speak to large groups. They think introverts are shy, reserved or reclusive. Heck, I had a hard time with it until it was explained in terms of energy flow, and then it all made sense. Sometimes, I leave it all on the mat, and it takes me a good long while to come back from it.
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