@Lilemm @Piglet @BobIsGone @ZsaZsa Thanks for the support. I’m leaning to leaving him alone for sure because I do think it would harm him. Unfortunately, I don’t really know what his issues are, since he would never have an honest discussion with me, but I have a hunch about abandonment and narcissism. So, as they say, I guess “let sleeping dogs lie”. Besides, me reaching out could be perceived as a psycho move or a “hoover” attempt. I used to consider sending him a letter or a postcard, but I don’t think I’ll even be doing that now.
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Tbh if I can be frank it sounds to me your the one holding on ,I expect not being rude he doesn’t give you a second thought so just imagine his reaction to someone he didn’t even reply to to have the respect to say I’m not into this goodbye and good luck ,set yourself free sweet.
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Yeah, I am having a hard time letting go. I mean, I’m past the crying and sad stage, managed to block him everywhere, but it’s the mental aspect. You’re right, I’m sure he doesn’t give me a second thought.
I totally understand this I had a breakup in November and he broke my heart I’ve past it now but he pops into my head and the sadness flows but I know it would of never ever worked out anyhow ,you need to let go and fully move on before you can grow properly as a person it’s definitely a process how longs it been .xx
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I think I was repressing my true feelings, to keep the peace. He used to talk about his exes, talk crap about them. I admit I looked them up. Whatever happened that night, I probably blew up, tired of him picking at me. I think I said something like, in a meltdown blubbery mess, “go back to so-and-so”. Just me feeling inadequate. Now that I think about it, that was “triangulation”, exploiting my jealousy.
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Nah . From someone who has marathoned around the block a few times ;You’ve just listed whole heap of reasons why this relationship was toxic and you had not one positive thing to say about this man ,apart from him being a talented musician What exactly did this man bring to your relationship. Delete/ block ,file in the junk folder and don’t look back only forwards .
Do not sell yourself short of anything less than a decent human being .
Good luck x
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Thanks. Well, he was charming and attractive. I was very attracted to him, which counts for a lot. It blinded me I guess.
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I’ve met a few of those in my life as im a sucker for a handsome face - who isn’t?
He does sound a bit narcissi from your description.
Attractiveness only remains if the handsome face has a matching attractive heart and soul.
But hey , we are all only human and we all want to feel loved .
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Exactly, we all just want to feel loved. But I think I’m going to take a break from all that. I’m a nun now. No booze, no nookie. Might as well, since everyone is avoiding each other anyway! 
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Yep, it was.
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I’m reading this and asked myself why you would try to repair a relationship that was unhealthy from the beginning. Why try to prove your worth to a narcissist? A narcissist cannot place a greater value on someone than they do themselves.
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Sounds like you need to make amends to yourself more than anything else.
“I’m sorry I didn’t feel worthy enough so I went for a guy that was bound to treat me badly because that’s what I thought I deserved.”
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Hi, yeah, I’m not really looking to repair or get back with them. It’s an AA Step 9 issue of “making amends” to those you wronged. I think the consensus is I don’t need to do it with this guy because it could be potentially harmful. But you definitely understand where I’m coming from about dealing with a narcissist. This was the first time I had ever been blindsided by one.
Thank you. I should think of it this way.
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I’m not sure the make amends step applies to those who were psychologically or physically abusive. Maybe just call it even and move on.
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Moving on is hard. I don’t know why.
It is hard, because it is new to you. Like so many things, it takes time and practice.
Have you ever read Musashi? Miyomoto Musashi is considered the greatest Japanese swordsman who ever lived. He dedicated his life to mastering the sword. In his “Book of Five Rings” he wrote:
“It may seem difficult at first, but all things are difficult at first.”
It may take hundreds of swings at the post, for one to learn the cuts that work, but if you keep swinging, you will learn to do it perfectly most times.
Keep working at moving on, and eventually you will master it. This is the way of things.
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I presume youve done the first 8 before doing 9 , dont know if there are any sponsors on here who have taken someone through the steps so i suggest you get a sponsor, these steps cant be done willy nilly they are numbered so start from 1 to 12 . if you have a big book read how it works might help you wish you well
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Thanks, but I’m pretty convinced sponsors don’t actually really care, from my experience. I’ll be fine on my own. I have the books and duly noted about doing them out of order.
How longs it been since he didn’t contact you weeks days months,also like we chatted before I feel your holding onto hope that just maybe things could change ,ink ow you said you were struggling to let go,but for your own health self esteem and journey let it go and move in sweet.
I just read another comment you made that said moving on is hard but I don’t know why,I feel it BC your not letting the relationship go ,you have to admit to yourself it’s 100 and you most probably will never see him again he’s most probably not given your time together a second thought like we talked about before if he didn’t have the respect to say and pick up phone to let Uno he wasn’t interested all the things you have put about him WHY ON EARTH would you feel you needed to make amends is it BC you want to see or talk to him you really need to get honest with yourself:pray: