I think ive restarted my clock about 10 times in the last month, at least. I dont get out of control drunk but i do not have control of the urge to drink. Restarted the clock again this morning. I really want to sober up for my health and family. I had a great 558 days of sobriety. I just want that back.
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Control over the first drink is all I got. āJustā donāt pick that one up. Focus on this. You did it before, you can do it again! 
Wishing you strength.
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I had several false starts until reading āThis Naked Mindā by Annie Grace. Totally changed my whole mindset and now I feel grateful that I donāt have to drink rather than feel like Iām living a life of deprivation. The audiobook is great- give it a read/listen if books are your jam! Itās so so helpful. She has a free podcast on Spotify with the same title if thatās more your style. Good luck! You can do this again!
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I was exactly where you are about three months ago, at my wits end, swearing to myself, pleading with myself, and last exactly one day, sometimes two, and end right back up at square one. You probably know from your past experience that at first itās a battle of wills inside your head, between your true sober self and that wolfie voice that says itās ok, just have one. That wolfie voice huffs and puffs and connives and conjures up all sorts of ways to break you . Once youāve picked up, he won another round. You CAN do his, you know you can! After 79 days, my wolf is very weak, and I am stronger every day. Sending you that same strength!!!
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Great suggestions!!!
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Donāt be too hard on yourself, your still restarting, your still picking yourself up dusting yourself off and giving it another go, try and focus on not touching that first drink, it will click one day, you can do this, sending loads of sober strength 
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Make today your day 1 and keep stacking on the days. You have done so before and you do know that this is a journey not battled alone. Find your support system(s). Keep yourself busy!
You are stronger than this addiction and with fighting the urges one at a time - one minute at a time - you can overcome this addiction. Write down why you are doing this and all the benefits you have noticed from sobriety. One the back side of that paper - write all the crap you experience from drinking. Keep this handy and a constant reminder of why you are not giving in to the next urge.
You do know that the urges donāt last long and they do play mind games so just keep yourself occupied and pay no attention to them. We got your back here so lean on this community.
The daily check inās (sometimes multiple times in a day) have helped me so muchā¦ hope to see you around.
Checking in daily to maintain focus #58
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I did the same thing, I wanted to quit but I was powerless over alcohol. It had me and there was nothing I could do to fight it. So I gave up the fight, I threw up my hands and surrendered. I realized the only way to win the fight was to not get in the ring in the first place.
Once I surrendered, a weight was lifted, for once in my life I felt unburdened. I felt that I could make it through the day sober, and I did. Everyday that I surrendered the fight, I made it sober.
Stop fighting; surrender, choose sober.
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Thank you all . Im at work or id write a longer rsponse. But I appreciate each one of your support and suggestion.
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Do you have danger times? Can you make plans to keep you busy during those times? In particular, sobriety focused activities like a podcast or an online meeting can keep you focused on why you are quitting when you need it most.