Wonderful thread Olivia, thank you for posting and helping us all understand the rules, issues, triggers, life experiences of others, and so much more all wrapped into one thread. It has been extremely helpful for me.
8 Likes
@Olivia I have a whole new understanding. Thank you for putting this into better perspective.
2 Likes
I’ll get the personal opinion out of the way first – number one, the societal hypocrisy surrounding male vs female toplessness is ridiculous. We need to grow up when it comes to breasts.
Additionally, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I think it’s…kinda douche-y posting that stuff. Photo from the beach is one thing, I guess, but shirtless bathroom selfie? C’mon.
NOW - in the context of this forum:
I think it’s just really important to be cognizant of other forum member’s addictions, especially those which differ from our own and we may not fully understand. Addictions often share a lot of commonalities regardless of the substance or activity – lots of overlap – but they are unique as well. I think it’s great that Olivia started this thread so that those of us who don’t have this addiction can garner a better understanding of it.
All I think needs to be said is that it’s potentially harmful for other forum members. Is that not reason enough? Do you need to post a shirtless photo that badly? Have you no shirts?
13 Likes
But its not allowed, thats the rules…
But its okay to show flesh!.
3 Likes
I couldn’t agree more.
6 Likes
A friendly reminder that we’re discussing quite sensitive topics on this thread. I’m a big fan of humour when it’s timed and placed with tact. I’m afraid joking on this topic, even if it was to prove a point, can escalate into something nasty or undermine our message. Yes, I AM sensitive. Thank you.
11 Likes
Echoing @siand’s point again. As mods, we needed a cut-and-dry metric as otherwise it can get subjective. This was one where we and the forum agreed it was fair/simple.
This isn’t unlike guideline 5: We understand not everyone abuses all things. But as a sobriety-focused site, we ask folks to keep posts that promote using to themselves, and share about the desire to not use (or skip it).
It’s about being a supportive community for those who need it. No disrespect intended to those who don’t!
Thanks again for the discussion about this, @Olivia, that those unfamiliar with PMO can hear the perspective.
6 Likes
I appreciate this approach, fwiw. I have learned, especially in the pandemic, that people will find a way exploit gray areas and ambiguity to suit themselves if they want to.
4 Likes
I can appreciate this thread and all the comments along with it and for the most part agree with it and understand. With that said; There are addictions to all things including food. There is an entire thread to food which I personally am ok with but can see how that can also be a trigger for those with food addictions. I think the context in which people post should be considered. If someone is posting a before and after photo of their physical changes from being in recovery I think that is a positive thing and should not be looked at negatively. But if someone’s just posting a random photo of themselves on the beach half nude then yes that’s completely different. I think in large most people try to be respectful and sensitive to those here. That’s just may two cents. 
8 Likes
Thank you Courtney,
I get your point. It would be a lot easier if there was a thread for those who wish to post topless photos, like there is a food thread.
This is problematic tho. Sex related addictions are behavioural addictions and fuelled by images. A normie brain can distinguish the difference between an “innocent” beach pic and a pornographic pic. Addicted brain can not. For me seeing certain body parts naked is a trigger despite the context of the picture. In every day life I have to accept it but on a sobriety forum it’s unfair to tell an addict what they can/can’t be triggered by. For example, I’m a normie regarding alcohol and 2 glasses of wine helps me to shake off of my cares and enjoy laughs with my friends occasionally. I still can’t come here romanticizing my hippy happy hour even tho for me the context is innocent. For some alcoholics here, it is not and they can’t necessarily tell the difference in context (correct me if I’m wrong). For me allowing revealing pictures of men and women, like topless gym selfies or low cleavage, on the forum is maybe something similar like to an alcoholic a talk about moderation. My brain does not do moderation according to the context that others find innocent/positive or the opposite.
7 Likes
Many many addictions…
The forum has the hot threads like the food one where you know food, photos would be uploaded, theres a thread on improvements i think where i know people will posts photos of the transformations i know to leave those areas alone as its a grey area for me…
I feel that occasionally people are not mindful of the no nips photos, posts it in a general topic that then leads to six other people doing the same. I am all for the sharing of how far you have advanced but i can that see that with the right attire.
And thou one photo is not going to make me relapse this always occuring will start having a impact.
If people with no issues of drugs were to contiually snap shot themselves with said drink in the photo or dropped i had a drink last night in the maintaining thread and is excessively done it leaves an imprint.
And yes i am accountable for my own addiction but i am also mindful not to take a photo of a lottery ticket i brought because why not as a treat for getting this far in recovery
6 Likes
Thank you Olivia I appreciate that explanation and I get it. Addicts do not do moderation and if we could we would not be addicts. Thank you for sharing your perspective. We all learn from one another.
5 Likes
This is the explanation for me. I have a hard time walking past alcohol. I can’t imagine the mental struggle when skin is everywhere.
5 Likes
Totally agree, I started to write exactly the same. And it isn’t even just the nakedness, for me even @anon27760155 's pictures above were triggering because of the position. I know that I cannot avoid every trigger and it’s completely ok. It’s my responsibility to avoid what I can considering the strength of cravings. But on a sobriety forum it would be great to treat nudity the same way as posts/photos about drinking or getting high.
4 Likes
What is compassion?
The word has shown up a few times on this thread, so what does it actually mean? One way of defining it is to suffer with someone. (For fellow word nerds: it’s from the Latin root of the word.)
Since the only way to help you understand my suffering in active addiction is to show you, that’s what I’ve decided to do. I’m placing myself in front of the firing squad.
Disclaimer: I’m not sharing this for pity, to glorify my pain, to seek attention etc. I’m getting real for those who wish to understand. I’m speaking of my own behalf, not all sex/pmo addicts share these experiences. I’m asking that this would not be copied/posted anywhere else.
TRIGGER WARNING! SEX, PORN, BRUTAL HONESTY. Not for the sensitive.
This is what my active addiction looks like.
It’s 11pm. I’ve decided to give in to my urges. I’m aroused, getting into position. I make sure I have my headphones connected to my phone. I don’t want my neighbours to hear moaning.
I get to my favourite site and start scrolling. Lots of new content. Exciting. I have a number of tabs open and begin my ritual, taking my time. I’m going down the rabbit hole for 5 hours. It’s dawn when I’m finished, take a shower and toss dirty linen into my basket.
Guilt is already flooding in with remorse, disgust and self hatred.
“You did it again.”
“You are sick. what you watch is sick.”
“Your sexuality is so twisted and black you will never be able to have a committed relationship.”
“Your friends would hate and judge you if they knew your dirty secrets.”
“You call yourself a social worker! How can you do something like this??”
“You deserve to be shamed, called out, rejected, humiliated like those girls you were watching.”
“You deserved to be abused, that’s what you like, don’t you?”
…
I get out to go to a shop. I feel disconnected from reality, isolated. I’m in my own bubble with my thoughts. I look at my shopping without understanding what I’ve bought.
A friend calls me to ask me out for a cuppa. I lie and say I’m busy, I can’t deal seeing them. I’m sure I have “I watched sick porn last night” written on my forehead. And to be honest, I just want to go back to it. I’m not interested in others right now.
I don’t give my phone or my computer to others. I’m terrified someone would find out my browser history even I’ve deleted every trace after each visit.
I log onto TS. I know I have to reset and come clean about my relapse. I’m dreading the idea, so I postpone my post. I go to one thread, and I see a lady in bikini. I instantly disregard her name, her face and start imagining the few tiny parts she had covered. Shit, no.
I go to an other thread. A guy without a top. He’s ripped, he looks good. He looks like that one dude in a video I watched last night. I get even more aroused. Shit, fuck, ugh.
I get off. I don’t care, I’m already beyond caring. I’m a sick fuck who can’t stay sober. I’m too sensitive and too much even for a sobriety forum.
It makes me sick I go to these men and women to see their private parts and activities. Some seem like they’re not making videos out of free will. I know tonight I will watch some of the stuff I saw last night but I need something… new. Steamier, raunchier, a better fix.
I know this is disturbing and serious. All addictions are. I hope you could find points you could relate to, understand the pain and why this topic is being discussed.
9 Likes
Pretty sure this was my M.O. in early addiction.
3 Likes
“Yeah, I told you I wouldn’t drink vodka anymore. This is gin, dumbass!” 
4 Likes
This is a powerful, honest and raw share. I have so much admiration for your bravery in sharing this. I I definitely see parts of myself.
Thank you, Olivia. This thread is important.
5 Likes
While I am not a sax addict probably inverse, i am to some extent triggered by pics showing off in terms of developing a good relationship to my body. Recovery for me implies most of all establishing healthy inner values. Of course physical transformation is mostly part of it and goes hand in hand. We are living in a world that is full of nice, well, best looking. And being here not being looked at and judged by my appearance is deliberating as well.
Maybe I am guilty also by posting leg selfies.
5 Likes
A little food for thought…I have often contemplated having subcategories for addictions. That way people in those categories might feel safer and more supported. It would also allow people to avoid triggering topics as they would be within a separate category. Obviously it would take a lot of thought, consideration and time to create and implement. And would also require us all to be more vigilant in choosing a category for our topic.
Just a musing I have pondered for years.
7 Likes