Well I fell off the wagon for a few days because i gave in to my anxiety and thoughts of being able to drink normally like other people. It has been a non stop battle in my head the last few weeks of me wondering why i cant just go out and have a few drinks with friends and then be able to stop atleast at the end of the night. I was completely wrong. Heres a list of what I found out for people who think they can drink again just because they have been sober for some time.
My experience relapsing after a year and 8 months
it was impossible to stop after the first drink.
even after drinking 5-7 7.5% beers I did not yet feel satisfied with my level of intoxication
I kept drinking throughout the night. Every time I woke up I felt as if I couldn’t go back to sleep unless I had more to drink
my blood pressure after just 2 days of drinking was dangerously high
I have been having panick attacks which include my arms going completely numb and thinking I’m having a heart attack.
the feeling of hopelessness and depression has crept back in to me leaving me completely unmotivated and constantly panicky
after only 2 days I sent myself into a state of withdrawal and I’m feeling almost the exact same way I did a few years ago after drinking for months
It’s TRUE when they say when you fall off the wagon you will start up right where you left off and even worse.
If I kept on drinking past Tuesday I feel like I would have ended up dead. It’s not worth testing the waters. Your sobriety should always come first NO MATTER what is going on in your life because drinking will only make things a million times worse.
I dont feel as I have lost all my progress and I am thankful for having such a huge support group online as well as my AA friends.
It has been a humbling experience to say the least and I respect everyone who has been able to stay sober through tough and trying times.
Steve, we have not had the chance to talk but you have been an inspiring voice since the day I joined and even more powerfully so now.
Thank you for posting this, it serves as a great reminder to all of us. Personally, I can relate 100%, I found that during relapses after lengths of sobriety the thirst for alcohol is dreadfully strong and it is very difficult to get back up as the disappointment of relapsing and all the dark thoughts feed right into the need to drink.
Have I mentioned how glad I am that you are back?
Steve, you are such a good guy. Thank you for sharing the results of this slip. All of us truely are one drink from being right back at it, aren’t we? I sometimes think (for a moment) that I’ve learned enough and could manage a drink now. Thank you for the reminder that, for us, that is never possible.
Hoping that the anxiety is lessening a little, day by day…
I think this is the first time you mentioned about the “being able to drink normally” thoughts. That is pretty crazy when you think about everything you have been through with rehab etc. It goes to show that it happens to all of us. Heck, I think it all the time. I don’t want to test that theory though!
I don’t believe you are back where you started either. I think you are much stronger. Keep it up!
Thx for sharing. I’m gonna be in high risk territory tomorrow at basically an all day cookout. Getting ready for a chicken wing competition next week and I’m on the team n we’re doing another trial run. People I’ve told I’m not drinking have been texting asking if I’m really not gonna be drinking tomorrow. If I cant stand it, imma fake sick and leave the place. That effing voice has been in my head today about oh I can have a few drinks tomorrow and then just hop back on the wagon. Noooooo. I’m not going thru all that itching and panic I had this last time when I quit 10 days ago again. Thx sooo much for driving it home I cant have another drink. Much love from AL.
Remember to have a way out if you are feeling super overwhelmed. I know i should have taken my own advice, but make sure you call somebody before picking up the drink, or check in here. Im going to be back on here a whole lot more.
Skipping meetings for work and not posting frequently anymore on the forum (though i have always read through the forum every single day since i joined) i think had a big impact on my decision to just say F*** it. Even though we pick up tools to use during our journey we have to make sure we dont forget how and when to use them. goodluck to you and i hope you win your competition!
yea i mean, for the last few months i probably missed the meeting that i was supposed to chair on Wednesdays about 4-5 times. This was always because of work. But even on the days that i had off i wasnt going to meetings. I started getting complacent and thinking that i didnt need to go to them as much. i guess looking back on it, slacking off on my meetings and check in’s here COULDNT have helped my situation lol
Thanks @MoCatt feeling a little better tonight, but my g/f is now having bad ptsd flashbacks and i dont really know how to help with that… so im trying to do that on top of trying to just keep my head from pounding out of my skull.
haha yeah, i mean go for it. I heard from a lot of you guys through text while i was out drinking… i feel bad for ignoring most of the messages saying “dont do it” but by that point i was already long gone.
Thanks Gabe for thinking of me. Our meeting tonight was about resentment and all i could think of is how much i cant stand people who can drink normally.
My BB is somewhere in my car… should probably start looking lol
Thanks @anon53189373 your one awesome dude and i feel like ive known you for a really long time even though its been only a year or so. Your posts always put people in a good mood. thank’s for all the love and support <3
Hugs!!!
i wont hesitate to shoot a text anymore.