Thank you @Matt. You seem very intune with the good, bad, and all that can be a challenge in this type of situation. I respect that. Feelings are all over the map right now. He left at 6am local time for a work trip. We talked some and are in a āneutralā place for now. The band-aid is in place yet there is nothing on the wound to prevent the scar. I am internally assessing the feelings this has left me with. I appreciate how you suggested that. I think I have to look at this as a rail road track / train that takes me to approximately The-Village-of-365-days and see if I can live there when I arrive. I have to be prepared for the occasional de-railment, etc. Maybe it will break down before it arrives and maybe there will be some added gifts/ cargo during the unavoidable stops along the way. I am 15 years vested in this marriage and I owe it a fair shot. I almost had a beer last night and I didnāt. I am so grateful! I just re-read this and it sounds a bit cheesy and cliche! Hahahaha! Makes me laugh a bit. I really am just hoping for mutual respect between myself and husband. That is a very general umbrella, I know. I am not giving up; just nervous. Thanks to all who posted for me on this thread. There are some very experienced and educated people here. How fortunate am I to have found this support!!
I didnāt thank you for your thoughtful reply. It was much appreciated.
Time to get my butt moving. My dog deserves a nice walk then off to the gym. Have a happy day, everyone!!!
My husband is still a drinker. The first few months of my sobriety he was still drinking a lot. He binges, just like I did.
Eventually his pace slowed, as Iām sure some self reflection was done on his part (plus his drinking buddy was gone. I think that hurt him.). He mentioned the other night that his bottle of whiskey has lasted 2 months. I wish he wouldnāt drink, but itās not my place to tell him so. Iām just happy he isnāt in the same place he was 3 years ago.
Things may be rough for while. He not only feels like heās lost his drinking buddy, but now he has to look at his own habits. Oof. Thatās a hard pill to swallow.
You give yourself what you need. Be a little selfish, even. Your recovery has nothing to do with him.
My husband still drinks. We have been together 23 years. I will have 1,000 days sober in 4 days. 
It was a hard road to quit drinking while he was drinking, but I never considered not being with him because he has a problem with alcohol. He is not abusive or a mean drunk or personā¦he isnāt reckless or endangering anyone. He is a good man, husband, father, grandfather, friend. He is kind, understanding, funny, he put up with my shit for years, he is caring and generous. Over time he has come to understand my sobriety and the recovery process more and that has been a big help. It was really hard at first for both of us. Our relationship is not perfect, but we do respect, love and genuinely want the best for eachother.
My non drinking has had a positive effect on him as well. He is much more cognizant of how much and how often he drinks. And yes, it has lessened some over the past 3 years. His journey is his journey however and his relationship with alcohol is all his own. As is mine.
It is 100% possible to get to a place of loving kindness being sober with a drinking partner. Only you know the true heart of your marriage and what kind of a husband and man your partner is. Mine is a gem and a keeperā¦even with his own issuesā¦cuz seriously, we all have room to grow and change. 
It is a big adjustment for both of you. Take time and care for your self. Be selfish in your sobriety and let him know you have to be for now. Life holds so many changes for all of us. We CAN grow together even as we have differences.
There are a bunch of threads on here about spouses/ partners who drink. You may find reading thru them helpfulā¦I included the link below for youā¦
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful
Iāve been married 28 years and my husband is a heavy drinker. I started my sober journey 80 days ago and he was supportive at the start and slowed down his drinking. But then got drunk on our anniversary and was a total ass. He finally apologized after he sobered up and realized itās not healthy for our marriage. He has since only had a few beers here and there and is so much more loving. I realize I can only control myself and heās his own person but some how we are finding that middle ground. We talk about it a lot and itās taking time but we both want our marriage to survive and I think thatās the key. If you both want it then communicate often, find what works for you both and things will fall into place. Good luck. Weāre all here for you. 
Thank you @SassyRocks and @Lisa07. I guess the part that I failed to share is that my husband is a rather verbally agressive drunk. He is a very different person when he drinks and it was easier to ignore when I was drinking with him. Now it is glaring and I find it very unattractive. Starting to really hear myself. I canāt do anything but be kind and mindfully in this for all involved. We will see how things shake out, I guess. So many facets. Thanks for your input. It is very helpful.
Definitely sounds like you and your husband need to have some frank conversations about his behavior when he is drunk. Make sure you are both rested, not hungover or drinking (him), and in a good mood before the discussion. I would let him know I wouldnāt be engaging with him when he is drinking or being verbally abusive. I would go to bed early, hang out in another room, go out to workout or yoga (if you donāt need to be home watching kids).
I lived with a verbally and physically abusive drunk husband who eventually tried to kill me. I know it can be a hard situation to leave (if you want to), but the most important thing is taking care of YOU and any children in the house.
Sounds difficult and I am sorry for that.
You are right. It really is okay for me to be a little selfish. Thank you!
No need to be sorry for it sounding difficult. It is what it is, right? I am very aware of how volatile things can become when alcohol is calling the shots. If I am honest, it has been in the forefront of my worries. There are a few eggshells on the ground on which I walk. Timeā¦
Take care of yourself. That is what matters most.
In my experience abusive behavior is really similar to alcoholism. When it goes unchecked it tends to increase and intensify over time. I really hope you are able to have an open, caring conversation with your husband about this. Hopefully he will listen to what you have to say. Iām sorry youāre struggling, but just keep taking care of yourself, stay sober and hopefully your husband will be sympathetic to your concerns.
My husband said the EXACT same thing to meā¦āso, are you ever going to drink againā. Let me tell you, when I suggested that he would be sampling Scotch by himself during our trip to Scotland he got downright pissy. (To tell the truth, I relapsed before that trip (at the airport for fucks sake) so I DID taste Scotches with himā¦but thatās beside the point.)
But overtime heās accepted that he had to drink alone. Heās actually drinking much less now too, probably because itās NOT as much fun if heās the only one drinking.
Iām not saying everything will be fine but maybe, just maybe, heāll come around thanks to your example.
YOU CAN DO IT
Thank you @VSue. I started this thread last night while my husband was drinking and I was feeling so down. Today, it is because people like you cared enough to share your experiences and thoughts with me that I am feeling uplifted. I am on an early evening walk with my dog. Geese are flying and honking. There is a nice sunset, and the air smells fresh. I never would appreciate this stuff if I was drunk! Much appreciation.
I quit drinking 160 days ago and my husband has been nothing but supportive. Iām a very lucky girl. He still drinks but it doesnāt bother me one bit. Iāve even bought him beer at the store and was fine with it.
Happy to hear that. I guess I am really starting to realize it is less about my husband continuing to drink. It is more about the aggressive behavior and the continued reason for drinking to get drunk. Maybe I need more kindness in my life. I feel like I am on an islandā¦ so much to say. I guess it will work itself out at some point and I will be able to look back with some level of gratitude for the process.
Itās not selfish to expect respect, if respect is given, and for a spouse to be accountable for their behavior. āSorry, I was drunkā is neither an apology, nor an acceptable excuse.
Heard that!