I am 44 days since my last drink of alcohol. I am very happy about that. I will keep going with the goal of health and sobriety. I have posted that I am being understanding of my husband who remains a heavy drinker. I know it is not something I can or should try to change or control. That is his journey. When I met him he was a drinker. I was less of a drinker at that time but quickly progressed to be in line with his habits. Fifteen years later I am done with the poison. I have been keeping my journey mostly to myself to avoid an argument with him since one time I had on a youtube talk about alcohol and he rolled his eyes and left the room. We went to a restaurant today and he ordered beer while I ordered water. He asked, “so what is the deal? Are you ever going to drink again?” I said no. He seemed disappointed. A small conversation happened and we changed the subject. That was the first time since I made the decision to quit that I strongly questioned my ability to be in a marriage with a heavy drinker. I realize I am the one making the change and will give this a solid effort, etc. I am just wondering if some of this is the emotional “wall” that is talked about on the Road To Recovery video that so many of you have talked about. I am feeling a bit down right now. Just wanted to share.
Not the same addiction for me but as the husband in a marriage, and as someone who is navigating the early stages of recovery, I can say one of the most important things for me is to really attend to what is (or was) making me numb myself so much. I have sought counselling and I am in group therapy now, and it has changed my life 100%. I am still working it, one day at a time, and really learning how to be myself, without escaping my life through addiction (it feels weird, not “normal”, even though I know it’s the right thing to do; I am really trying to find other activities to fill my time, music, learning a new language, taking walks - it takes conscious effort to interrupt the habit, try to prevent / avoid the slippery slope). So for me really trying to develop healthy understanding of myself and honest understanding of my needs (including social and emotional needs, many of which I didn’t even know how to recognize or label) has been very important to my recovery. It is a long journey but I am working it and feeling better now than I have in a long time. (My wife is grateful too. It has significantly improved our marriage.) Hoping your journey is a journey of growth. Your story matters! Thank you for sharing with us here 
I think I am right with you on the self re-discovery and am so proud and happy about it. I love that your wife was / is supportive. I think my husband is afraid of my change and I am afraid of him staying as he is regarding alcohol. He will leave tomorrow for a work trip and it is bothersome to me that I am looking forward to the time apart. It just feels easier for me to stay on my path but it scares me that it feels so good that he is leaving.
Totally understandable. I don’t want to make any assumptions or draw any conclusions, but I think you’re ok not to read too much into why you’re looking forward to the time apart. Some perspective is probably good, and if you’re being kind to yourself you’ll probably realize what you’re looking forward to is some self-care, self-support time. It’s ok to feel good about that - and I don’t think you’re letting anyone down. It’s your journey, and you are right to do what you need to be safe and growing and nurtured and healthy. (Saying all that I know also how committed you feel and I can hear how devoted you are. None of this is easy. It’s complicated. But your health and growth is important and it is not less important than other things in your life. 
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Heard. Thank you! Such a process! I need to keep a clear mind about this. I really do have so much to feel grateful for. I appreciate that you took time to reply.
My pleasure. Enjoy your journey! All our best thoughts are with you in your recovery 
I’d make a change if you feel like his drinking will eventually drag you back down into the abyss, if you’re confident in your sobriety, I’d suggest just keep doing what you’re doing and give it more time.
44 days is no small feat for someone with a drink problem, but when pit against 15 years it’s a drop in the bucket.
I’ve read and seen(in the rooms) countless stories about compatibility changing once someone gets sober, and the success rate is not typically good when only 1 of the 2 gets sober. However there’s no need to rush anything or rock the boat of your sobriety… one of things I often hear advised is to not make any major changes for the first year.
Keep doing your thing, answers are revealed to us along the way
I agree with everything you have said. Tough position. Time will tell. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.
Is his drinking a threat to your sobriety, or are you so committed to living sober that his ordering a beer in no way tempts you?
When he drinks, is he abusive? Does he place himself in situations where he might endanger his life, or the lives of his family, such as driving under the influence?
You classify him a “heavy drinker”. You didn’t say “alcoholic”. Now, one person’s alcoholic is another’s alcohol abuser, and for some this is a distinction without a difference, but for others there’s a huge difference.
Lastly, have you considered that he just might be in the beginning of self-examination and has yet to be honest with himself?
Those of us who both realize we need to quit and are successful in quitting, arrive at this point with vastly different timing. Some realize they are starting to slide, and are able to arrest the slide before a major consequence occurs, while others go over the cliff and hit bottom after a lengthy fall. Others hit bottom and bounce a few times. Some never stop falling.
You are right to worry. My advice is to live your sober life. You’ve decided to be better, and with every day sober, you are better. Let him see the positives within you, and even experience the better you. Treat him with love, respect, and compassion, for you were once broken too. You just recognized it, accepted it, and set about fixing it, before he did.
We men are a stubborn prideful lot, and are less apt to be critical of self. Doesn’t mean we don’t look in the mirror. We do. We just take a bit longer to accept what we see. We also tend to believe we are made of harder stuff, which is true of you examine our heads. They’re pretty hard.
Praying for you, and your husband.
I have no experience with Al-Anon (for family and friends of a drinker), but some of my friends have found wonderful support there.
Some good advice here. I in a similar situation. My husband still drinks but I not gonna judge. This is my journey. And yours too. X
We just had an argument. I thank you and everyone. I think I better just try to go to sleep. Ugh…
Oh no - I’m sorry to hear that. Arguments with the spouse are so hard, especially in recovery when you’re trying to re-set, re-grow yourself. All those years together, you grow into and around each other, and it is hard when there is conflict (speaking as someone married 11 years). I am sorry you had that fight yesterday 
It’s moments like that that are some of the hardest for me to stay grounded and care for myself. Are you OK today? Do you need anything? How do you feel? The feelings - the physicality of emotion, the twist in the gut, sense of pressure in the chest, wherever you’d feel it - those are your first clues about what you need. What do your feelings tell you today? Where do you feel, physically, and what does it feel like? (Please feel free to reply or not, or just take time to think & reflect & not reply if you aren’t up to it. I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t want to push.)
Thank you @Matt. You seem very intune with the good, bad, and all that can be a challenge in this type of situation. I respect that. Feelings are all over the map right now. He left at 6am local time for a work trip. We talked some and are in a “neutral” place for now. The band-aid is in place yet there is nothing on the wound to prevent the scar. I am internally assessing the feelings this has left me with. I appreciate how you suggested that. I think I have to look at this as a rail road track / train that takes me to approximately The-Village-of-365-days and see if I can live there when I arrive. I have to be prepared for the occasional de-railment, etc. Maybe it will break down before it arrives and maybe there will be some added gifts/ cargo during the unavoidable stops along the way. I am 15 years vested in this marriage and I owe it a fair shot. I almost had a beer last night and I didn’t. I am so grateful! I just re-read this and it sounds a bit cheesy and cliche! Hahahaha! Makes me laugh a bit. I really am just hoping for mutual respect between myself and husband. That is a very general umbrella, I know. I am not giving up; just nervous. Thanks to all who posted for me on this thread. There are some very experienced and educated people here. How fortunate am I to have found this support!!
I didn’t thank you for your thoughtful reply. It was much appreciated.
Time to get my butt moving. My dog deserves a nice walk then off to the gym. Have a happy day, everyone!!!
My husband is still a drinker. The first few months of my sobriety he was still drinking a lot. He binges, just like I did.
Eventually his pace slowed, as I’m sure some self reflection was done on his part (plus his drinking buddy was gone. I think that hurt him.). He mentioned the other night that his bottle of whiskey has lasted 2 months. I wish he wouldn’t drink, but it’s not my place to tell him so. I’m just happy he isn’t in the same place he was 3 years ago.
Things may be rough for while. He not only feels like he’s lost his drinking buddy, but now he has to look at his own habits. Oof. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
You give yourself what you need. Be a little selfish, even. Your recovery has nothing to do with him.
My husband still drinks. We have been together 23 years. I will have 1,000 days sober in 4 days. 
It was a hard road to quit drinking while he was drinking, but I never considered not being with him because he has a problem with alcohol. He is not abusive or a mean drunk or person…he isn’t reckless or endangering anyone. He is a good man, husband, father, grandfather, friend. He is kind, understanding, funny, he put up with my shit for years, he is caring and generous. Over time he has come to understand my sobriety and the recovery process more and that has been a big help. It was really hard at first for both of us. Our relationship is not perfect, but we do respect, love and genuinely want the best for eachother.
My non drinking has had a positive effect on him as well. He is much more cognizant of how much and how often he drinks. And yes, it has lessened some over the past 3 years. His journey is his journey however and his relationship with alcohol is all his own. As is mine.
It is 100% possible to get to a place of loving kindness being sober with a drinking partner. Only you know the true heart of your marriage and what kind of a husband and man your partner is. Mine is a gem and a keeper…even with his own issues…cuz seriously, we all have room to grow and change. 
It is a big adjustment for both of you. Take time and care for your self. Be selfish in your sobriety and let him know you have to be for now. Life holds so many changes for all of us. We CAN grow together even as we have differences.
There are a bunch of threads on here about spouses/ partners who drink. You may find reading thru them helpful…I included the link below for you…
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful