@Lilemm I feel like I haven’t seen you in awhile; hope you’re ok love 
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Me, too!! Hope she pops in.
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You have nothing to be embarrassed about here, we’ve all been down and out my friend. Stay, your addiction wants you to disappear, don’t let it win.
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It’s not cowardness Colin. You have us all to talk to. This place has been my only go to place for long stretches of time. It works. Trust needs building up. And nobody’s illness is far behind them. We’re all one drink away from three (or two, or one, or four or five) bottles a day. That’s why we’re here. Hang with us Colin.
Don’t be embarrassed because there is no reason to be. It takes strength and courage to show up here and answer and you did just that. Stay here. We know what’s going on. There’s a special category for posting under the influence too. Sometimes that’s needed. No shame. No guilt. It’s never hopeless friend. Drinking makes us feel it is. Been there many times.
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I am sorry you are hurting and this is 100% the place to share your struggles, that is why we are here.
I spent a long long time feeling as you did…about ending it all and stuck. I get that 100%. Sobriety helped those feelings so much and sobriety for me didn’t happen over night. Stops and starts. Not giving up on myself was key and I know that is hard when we are so defeated and down.
Keep posting and reading and coming here. It really can help. 
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We love you Colin! 
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I’m well into my second year of therapy now and it is hard and tiresome work. But it also is helping me finally move forward, as opposed to the time before when I thought and thought and thought about my shit and talked to some friends too and that never got me anywhere really. Well I wasn’t sober either. I feel I can finally process things. And move on.
Take your time finding a therapist that suits you. As with all in life, connection is everything. The type of therapy is important too of course, but having a good connection to a therapist is first and foremost. And being sober of course. I’m glad you are here Colin. Hugs.
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Colin, I’m so glad you responded and were honest about how things are going. I feel your pain, have felt it myself. You belong here with us and not alone to let your mind take you to dark places without a life line. That’s why we’re all here, amigo. I am also seeking therapy and hoping that will be a help in moving forward. Being sober has been an important step for my mental health and I know that it’s just the beginning. Sending hugs. You are worth it! Keep coming back.
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@MrsOdh ? I miss you and your updates and pink outfits and uplifting smile! If you’ve left unbeknownst to me, fare thee well.
If not - and if anyone is in touch with Sophia, please wish her the best from me! 
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I’m in (infrequent) contact with Sophia. She sends her greetings and wants to let you and all here know she’s doing very good, and I can attest to that from what I see of her life. And indeed some time ago she decided to stop coming here.
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