Hey @Mischa84 I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s life?
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Hey Jaz 
Thank you for asking after me, you’ve such a kind soul. I’ve not been doing too well unfortunately. I’m angry with myself because when I’m stressed I still turn in on myself, when I should do the opposite. I’m beginning to think I’ll never be able to change that about myself, which is really bad news for sobriety.
I’m stuck in a loop, not managing to get past three sober days at a time. When the addiction bites, I am unable to do what makes sense, reach out for out for help. It completely blinds me and I can’t think straight. In the past I used to think I could stop whenever I wanted to, but now I’m frightened. I am frightened of the grip this has on me, and I know I’m no longer in control. One small step for me is just being here, it’s all I can manage for now.
Jaz my friend, how are you? How is life treating you?
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That’s what we all are friend. We all lost control. It’s the definition of addiction. And once we lost control we’re not going to find it back. And that’s why we can’t do it alone. We need help. We need each other. It’s good to see you Binx. 
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Howdy beautiful @Binx im here for you too lovely we all need each other…im available on the main forum and happy to pm, love you lady xxxx
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So lovely to hear from you friend. I am sorry that you are not doing well…this nasty addiction really does have an tight grip on us. It’s true that we never know how many releases we have but the fact that you are here reaching out, you are scared of the addiction and wanting to get better are all good signs.
Do stay connected here. I know how you thrived in your sober living. Maybe read some of your own posts? Sometimes reading advice in our own voice helps.
I am all too familiar with the blinding force addiction can have. It just takes that one time to cut the blindfold. Are you able to have a clean space at home? Are you talking with someone IRL? How’s the anxiety? There is still hope my friend. The desire to isolate is the addiction trying to keep you bound. Fight that urge and keep posting. We are all here for you. . Hope your son is doing well 
I’m well friend… healing slowly but healing. Able to do more these days so I am appreciative of that.
Stay in touch 
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Thanks for asking Emilie, that’s so sweet of you 
I’m doing good sobriety-wise, getting close to one year milestone. Just super busy in life, but in a nice way.
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Thanks for thinking of me!
I’m sober as ever, but I’m struggling to figure out how to deal with my mental illness and how it has changed over the years. I feel like I’ve stabilized in the sense that crises are becoming isolated events, a hazard rather than a permanent fixture.
But this has come at the cost of my life becoming extremely small. I am scared to disturb the relative safety I’ve carved out. I can’t often tell the difference between anxiety (which needs acknowledging and pushing through) and genuine signals that I am pushing myself too hard.
Hope for a better life has also become very small, so I am much less eager to attempt positive changes. I feel like the captive frog that has banged into the jar lid so many times that it stops trying to get out of the jar even after the lid has been taken away.
However, that might be turning around. Over the last week or so I have experienced real, spontaneous interest in improving my situation. That hasn’t happened in a long, long time. I attribute this shift to the most recent change in my medications. I’m getting relief from side effects in a big way. Some of these I’ve dealt with for so long that I had started to think about them as part of my illness. So I’m less apathetic now. More active in trying to satisfy my needs. My sleep is more normal. My anxiety is worse, though. I’ll keep working with my doctor to find the right balance for everything.
One day at a time.
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Thanks for checking in, James. I think of you from time to time and wish you well. May blessings shower on you.
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Hi Twizzlers
I’m still around, I’ve not had WiFi for a few days and struggled to connect. I’ve been reading when I can. Thanks for thinking of me x
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Glad your okay 
it’s nice to hear from you and see you pop in 
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One mental illness folk to another. Dont give up. Im with you on the struggle to identify a condition which is “normal” and to be worked thru and what needs a med tweek
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Sup, bro. Staying busy with the fam. Still sober. My eldest son is on summer vacation. Just hanging out. Doing family things. Went to the San Diego County Fair a couple of days ago. It was chill. I’ve been struggling a lil bit. Been gettin mad urges to drink. Maybe it’s the summer heat. I’ve been dreaming daily about boozing. Who knows. I need to get back on my sobriety tools. Gonna jump back on here and catch up with some posts. Hope all is well with you too. Thnx for the shout out.
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Thank you for the update James. I hope you will find that balance.
Congratulations for your sober days and may life bring you sun, flowers and a bit of hapiness 
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Thanks for checking in! It is good to read your update. It sounds like you and your doctor are working together well and making great progress. It is kind of amazing when things lift and shift and we realize that isn’t something we just have to live with or that is always a part of us. I so admire your dedication to your overall health / self, James. 
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Good to hear everything is good bro and all is well you’re mad welcome for the shout out we all need to be checked in on from time to time you always hit me up G appreciate that! you and yours have a good weekend bro. 
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Im alright , I started a new medication that does not allow me to drink or consume marijuana. Ive just been keeping busy with work and walks. I have a really bad mental health week where i was having daily panic attacks …thus the new meds. Frist time in almost 15 years since I needed an antidepressant. The depression and anxiety was so bad that it felt like i was in a dark hole. Finally im starting to feel level. Also was reffered to a Psychiatrist to help me deal with childhood trauma…
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Great to see you Julia! Grateful theees are working and you are starting to feel level…ODAAT.
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Glad to see you Julia 
Its a messy, muddy, miraculous mind you have. It’s one of the things that makes your Tiktoks fun and playful (at least the ones I’ve seen) but it’s also one of the things that is full of dynamic, variable energy and momentum. I juggle depression and ADHD, and the medications for those, and it’s been a wild ride over the years, physically and mentally. It’s messy and wondrous. It sounds like your experience is a dynamic journey too.
You’re not alone. You’re never alone.
Witches can be right,
Giants can be good,
You decide what’s right.
You decide what’s good.
No one is alone.
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@Dan531 dont feel like ive seen you in a minute. @RosaCanDo saying hi. @HillbillyChris how are you my man? @TeejLazer always like to say hey to you. Man i could go on but unfortunately i forget some of the names. Much love to you all. @Crazy_Dutchie hope you’re well to bud.
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