A yr ago my youngest son passed away in accident he was only 22yr old… throught out this 1st yr I’ve only had4months sober in a roll…I relapsed 10x and haven’t been able 2get a week dwn yet…rite now I have2days sober but I cant stop crying or having nightmares of the nite i was notified of his death… I’ve since been told a mother should never have2 buried their child…stay strong…keep ur head up…he’s watching ovr U…God will not give u more than u can handle…&so on which doesn’t make sence2me sounds like bullshit ppl have been taught 2say2b cordial… this is the 1st time I evr done sumthng like this I usually keep shit 2myself I dnt like 2bug any…I dnt understand where I’m really at mentally, emotionally, or spiritually… I just feel dead inside&out… I’ve been told these last week t I’ve committed at least 5 felonies… I’m so blind2my behavior I can’t see it cuz I was still stuck on the bottle…its on my mind just as much as my sons death or the luv I have4my kids… I need help but I dnt knw how2get it… I knw AA help’s I’ve seen it change ppl but I feel I cant find my way nor do I feel I can tlk2 any1 on the real… I’m open 2wht evr any1 has 2say… hope evr1 stays clean & sober another min, hour, day, week, or year… ltr evry1
No, maybe it should not happen but it did. And it left you bankrupt. No one can tell or know or feel the things you do. But we are all here fighting a battle of hurt. And you are brave admitting. Maybe a first step, maybe a first of many first steps. But a step. Good that you are here! 
I had two ectopic pregnancies and someone told me afterward that they knew I would be able to have a child, blah, blah, blah, something about God.
It never happened. I still think that was the cruelest comment I heard during that difficult time in my life. I was so empty and numb at the time, it felt like that woman gave me a sucker punch.
So sorry for your loss. Take care.
Maybe make a AA meeting. There are a lot of people who have experienced loss and are maintaining sobriety.
Peace to you.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. My grandmother buried her daughter, my aunt, many years ago and we spoke of it a few times over the years…she never truly was whole again. And how could you be when a piece of you is gone.
I don’t have an easy answer, but I do think you might find some comfort in a grief group. I know I did after my first husband died. I joined a group of people left behind by suicide and it was very helpful to be among people who understood. Perhaps there is a support group for parents whose children have died near you? I know it is hard to take that first step, but just sitting in a room with others who have a shared experience can be so healing.
Another option or in addition to a grief support group, would be AA. I know a lot of people find a comfort in the community and it sounds to me like you could use some comfort and community.
Please know that you are not alone. We often feel so isolated in our inner worlds, but we are all a piece of the fabric that makes up our universe. Sending light and love to you.
The one thing that has really irked me in my grief is the repetitive responses I have heard from others. I know they didn’t realize and were only trying to help but, it just overwhelmed me.
“Hes still with you.”
“It might feel like shes gone but shes still here.”
Or people who had never dealt with grief stating they “completely understood.”
So on and so forth, it’s just a lot when you’re in shock and trying to process.
I would recommend group meetings for people who are dealing with grief and substance abuse.
Sometimes churches have them, and you can even call the mortuary and they will give you a ton of resources.
I’m sending so much love.
Losing your child is the absolute worst thing for a parent, totally understandable now would be a hard time to handle. I am glad u came here, people are always happy to listen. I have no good advice more than reaching out to people who understand, addict groups or loss groups. Be gentle with yourself.
That’s a heavy load to carry. I salute you. Stay sober and I’ll catch you down the road.
Sorry for your loss, a feeling I hope to never even closely encounter. Makes me think back on the night I was carjacked and shot, how the pain of being shot was nothing compared to the pain and sadness I felt when I told the officer my mom’s number so he could inform her that something had happened and the pain I saw on her face when she saw me in the hospital.
He’s gone, but you are still here. Still with us. Still alive. Don’t let his tragedy claim more life than it already has. There’s so much pain in life, hurt, anguish, drinking only prolongs the pain, it doesn’t put it behind you. On the flip side of that coin, there’s so much beauty in life, joy, happiness and accomplishment. The only way past the pain is through it, is to relish all the beautiful moments he gave you, all the frustration he may have caused you, all the easy smiles as you think back on the good and bad highlights.
You can do more for his legacy sober than as a drunk.
You have other kid/s, I’m sure they are affected by his loss as well, they need their mom more than ever before, they need a shoulder, they also need to be a shoulder for you.
I’ve heard similar stories in the rooms, hell I’ve heard pretty much every story from most all walks of life in the rooms. They can and will help, if you let them.
We don’t drink no matter what, to drink is to die, I’m done dying, I hope you are too.
Loved what you said David, - all of it. (Except the carjacking thing 
, that sucked)
Drinking does prolong the pain. And we all should try to raise our consciousness , -relish the beautiful moments. Life is for the living 
I went to a support group for parents who lost their children and it did help.
Welcome to TS @Shorti… This is a pretty amazing place… I’m certain I’d still be drinking if it wasn’t for checking in somewhere on here every day… 
Hope you come back today… 
Wow, your story is hard to sawallow for a father of two. However we all in this sober living thing have a story and your not alone thankfully. No one who wants to stay sober is better or worse we are all in need of help and love from others and ourselves! I for one know people in my AA group who have gone through your same horrific ordeal with the loss of a child. I myself, thankfully have not. I still know that my love for all of Gods children remains the same. Especially for a person who wants to stop drinking or drugging. This disease that we all share in this forum is real and like a person already said don’t go at it alone. The advice another gave about finding support for the loss of your child is great! If that is not a option as I said the 12 step program of AA is a place where all walks of life reside especially for anyone who can admit they are powerless over alcohol. You, your children, and other loved ones need you to be the best version of you so no one suffers another devistating loss. I can only pray that the words we all show are taken as they should be, Love and encouragement. I don’t know you but I can say I love you for taking the step to share your story and your want for help! Please know we are all here online and your local community is there for you in whatever capacity you’ll find or want help. It has always helped me do the impossible when I remember that I needed to surrender and let go of my beliefs and let God do for me what I thought I could do for myself. Cliche? It used to be to me…But reality for me for sure now.
@Phoebe I knw at this point I haven’t spoke 2my DaD cuz he told me dnt cry it’s not gonna bring him back… I still haven’t seen him& he used2say tht 2me all the time…thts probably not the right thng but I just can’t hear tht shit I’m not a kid anymore
@Riv I appreciate ur wrds I really didnt think any1 would have anything 2say2 me I’m looking 4a God of my understanding 
@SassyRocks thnkx I might just do tht ur now like the 4th person who tells me about the grief meeting I do go2 AA I just feel like a horrible whn I relapse like I’m 2face…
@Dancingwheel I agree in the beginning I couldn’t stand hearing those statements 2the point where I started lashing out a ppl who were saying it but thn I realized they dnt get it or understand