Because I was in pain and needed relief. As if alcohol was a good solution for chronic pain related to inflammation, migraines, or mental anguish/anxiety/grief/other pains. 
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I can totally relate to the. guitar part. It worked until it didn’t. When I was younger baby. But it got to the point where I would say I’m going to crack one beer while I’m tuning. And then return game too I was hammered before I played my first song if you look at creative musicians and artists there really are two types, those that used to and quit, and dead ones. And then I guess there is a group that just never really got heavy into altering their mind with chemicals. Great post!
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“It’s the only thing that makes my psychic pain bearable.” It was, too. But it was a very blunt tool and didn’t make anything better.
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Hitting bottom for me was realizing I didnt need an excuse at all and at the same time any old excuse would do. Anger was the set up typically, followed by a drunken temper tantrum. I can laugh now. But at the time, it was no laughing matter…
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There is a good book, “The Recovering”, where she discusses that falsehood. So much good about sobriety for sure.
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For me getting drunk makes me more outgoing and comfortable socially. As someone who is autistic might not show but I struggle with socializing a lot. Also, I find I’m able to connect w my boyfriend better sometimes when we get drunk, but it’s like 50/50 that we “connect better” or start fighting. And I always feel very sick and depressed later or the next day no matter how good I feel in the moment
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And also life is horrible rn so it seems sometimes like “can I just have this one thing?” Type of attitude
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fuck it
it makes things more enjoyable across the board
i had a rough day
ive not drank for x amount of time, so ill treat myself
itll be different this time
For me though, only that last one has actually gotten me. This time around i see all that rationalization and slipperiness for what it is. This time i have the benefit of knowing there is no moderation possible, so all those thoughts are no longer a factor with any leverage. I still WANT to drink, because yeah itll make video games more enjoyable or whatever, but its not worth the trade. I play the piano so i get what you mean about the illusion of creativity and the loss of motor skills lol. All fun and games until youre rolling limp hands around a keyboard.
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“Just a tiny glass to alleviate the hangover pains from yesterdays binge”.
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“It’s who I am; if you don’t like it that’s your problem”. - This A$$h0!3
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Completely agree, being creative has nothing to do with alcohol. Do no trust in those that say that artists, writers, rockers, etc. are more creative because of alcohol. The point is not this, the key is that in spite if alcohol they are good. See Clapton for instance, he is even better when he reached sobriety.
On the other side. See Amy Winehouse, Morrison, Hoplin, etc…, we missed them because of alcohol.
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In my case excuses are:
- Boredom: just want time goes by.
- Taking care of others. I supposed and said that this fact stressed me.
- Depression. This was a huge and deep lie. I think I was a depressive man and because of that I drunk. The truth is the contrary: I drunk and that was the reason I turn into depression which meant more alcohol and so on. A never ending tour with only three possible endings: jail, death or mental intern.
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I can relate to that! I have this paradoxical habit to tell myself that alcohol makes me funner and quick-witted when in social situations but that good phase would always only last so long after which i turn depressed and start bursting my bad feelings all over others as well… Also after all those people are my friends so I need not to hide anything drinking my emotions away and afterwards regretting ending up being a drunk bastard again.
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Drinking AT people was/is a big trigger, and it is extra dumb, as the other person is not hurt by my actions, and I only hurt myself and make the situation worse.
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Such a good thread. It is amazing how much alcohol played a role in my depression and anxiety. As soon as I got the alcohol system out of my system for a few months, the depression and anxiety was almost nonexistent grateful
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More than 30 years ago, when I was in a very complicated and alcohol fueled relationship, I stopped drinking for 2 weeks…because I was an out of control, histrionic drunk and wanted to mend my relationship. So I got drunk to celebrate my 2 weeks of not drinking and to berate my bf for not noticing my great success of ‘not drinking.’
That one really sticks in my mind.
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My excuse that made the least sense: “I haven’t had a drink in months and feel great! I should have a drink to reward myself…” 
I had no shortage of excuses though.
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Hey it’s just for the holidays I’ll be fine
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This is what I am going through right now. One glass of wine wouldn’t hurt…….
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Because I don’t have shit else to do…
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