Hi everyone
I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve been reading a lot on here the last few days, and I am finding a lot of the posts very helpful and interesting to read. What a great community you have!
The last 2 years have been a rollercoaster, and not an overall healthy one at that. Whereas i stopped drinking many times in between, ran marathons and attempted a healthy lifestyle, it would never stick. After a while and in stressful situations, I would always find myself back at square one again, glass of wine and cigarette in hand in the evening.
That glass would often turn into a bottle and chainsmoking, followed by terrible sleep, anxiety and irritability the next day… really not the way I want to live my life, and even less ideal for a single mother with a full time job. Nobody noticed, all responsibilities were fulfilled on a daily basis, but with so much less or no joy. My exercise and self care seriously started lacking again, I put on weight, I constantly felt worn out.
So after a very booze- and smoke filled Saturday evening last week, I found myself going through anxiety and what felt like mild panic attacks, on and off for two days. Not debilitating, but bad enough for me to not sleep and to struggle with the feeling of impending doom… and bad enough to really want to draw a line.
In a couple of hours, it will be 7 days without booze and cigarettes. I know it’s nothing, but I feel like I am off to a really good start. My sleep score is through the roof, I am enjoying my quality time with my children so much more, I am feeling good about how much I am achieving at work. I have started exercising properly again, and diet has also improved a bit. I feel much calmer about my divorce proceedings.
I know I need to put in a lot of work for things to stay this way. Have tried a couple of online meetings in the last week, but haven’t yet found one that speaks to me / works for me. Just couldn’t relate, but I’ll attend a few more. Have signed up for a few races this year, including a full marathon in October. I am focusing on sitting out and just feeling my feelings. I am learning (hopefully… I think I’ve got quite a journey ahead of me still) how to be happy and content on my own.
A long post… sorry and thank you to those who read this far.
Much 
and thank you all for sharing your stories and wisdom. It really helps.
It’s A LOT and something to be very proud of. Congratulations on your 7 days! One day at a time …. sometimes one minute, one second - but each day logged in is something to feel good about, even if everything else is not as you hoped. I wish you all the best as you walk this journey. Life really is better sober.
. I think I am just really scared of becoming complacent again.
