As I sit here today at 997 days AF, all I can think about is when my next drink is going to be. I vision what it will be, who I will be with, the taste, the “I’m back!” moment, and “I am cured” thought. Having read enough on TS and listened to others, I know I am threading on dangerous waters. I guess, I am reaching out as I need someone to remind me of the reality, or tell me these thoughts are normal. I will not drink today.
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Ah, coming up on 1,000…milestone apprehension alert!! You didn’t come this far to only come this far. 
Do you remember why you stopped? The shame, pain, guilt, anxiety? The hangovers, depression, angst? The list is endless. Nothing good lies with the ‘just 1’ cuz the ‘just 1’ today becomes the endless trip on the hamster wheel of drinking soon enough. You deserve way more than that half life.
Remember…You didn’t come this far to only come this far.
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If it were me, and it happens…it would be that mile stone you are approaching. 1400 days had me thinking about NA beers. I could visualize it all…and for me that’s a slippery slope.
997 days is amazing, reaching out here was a phenomenal idea. Keep adding up those sober days!
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stop fantasising about what might be and look at the reality of what will be. I once had 1 drink after 18 months sober and it ended 9 months later with a lot of tears and hard times. Your not stupid you know where your going to end up if you go down that road. 17 months sober today and I still want a drink, I know what I am. Do you know what you are 
.
Well done on your sober days 
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@SassyRocks you know I have tried to tell myself, for the past three years I took myself to hell and dealth with all the pain that caused me to drink in the first place. I tell myself, that little girl thanks you, she is safe, now it is time to live and laugh again ie DRINK. FFS I cannot go back to that shame & anxiety. Thank you for hearing me and listening
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@Thirdmonkey you are probably right on the milestone coming up. I never faced this at 2years as I was so involved and focused on my healing. I met a friend the other day and had the cheek to say, “I am so over this”. Fuckkk, “this” as I talk about, has saved my life. Thank you🙏
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Always. That little girl, you, deserve the living and laughter and love…and you know in your heart none of that is found in the bottle. It can suck having to actually feel…and we can be proud of ourselves for truly feeling and not hiding anymore. Own your power, cuz digging yourself out of that mess is powerful stuff.
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@Dolse71 You have hit the nail on the head. “Do I know what I am”, that is the question I could never answer and one reason I could not go to AA - (I would never make it past step one 
) Surrender is a big word, but one that is facing me. Thank you sincerely.
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That is a big milestone… i have thoughts about that milestone already and i don’t hit it until mid July if I make it.
So if you don’t mind… How do you suppose that drink will make anything better? Will your family and friends rejoice with you? Will it relieve stress and anxiety?
For me, what i miss (when i think about it) is my drinking days in my 20’s, I had fun. What i don’t miss is the suicidal drinking days in my late 30’s and my 40th year. I’ll never be in my 20’s again but i certainly can be that suicidal middle aged man again.
Remember the awful things that came from drinking, the things that shamed you to the core (if you have any).
I’m grateful you posted this, it helped me, i hope it helps you also. Best wishes
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@Dan531 What is really interesting and when I read what you said about drunk suicidal thoughts, my ego just jumped into action. I immediately said to myself, at Christmas you had them thoughts and you were so smart, you had the sense not to drink. OMG, I am trying to convince myself that I maybe the one person who has her shit together, and that she is cured. Writing this out has just woke me up and made me realize how close to the edge I am, and how this really is ODAAT. Thank you. I have a lot of work to do.
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I know that I may not have much to offer here as it has been MANY years that I have had a decent amount of clean time… but at one point I had 3 years clean and sober… that was from the age of 21-24. I am 37 yrs old and now have 6 days. Over the past 13 years i have struggled to get any decent amount of time back. Biggest regret of my life was picking up that ONE. And as usual it turned out to be many many more 
U have put too much effort and time into this my friend. Plz don’t give that away for what?!.. 1 drink! U know where this will take u. There’s reasons why u quit, why u wanted a better life! If u need a “break” or “release”, maybe explore healthier options that can give u that feeling instead of picking up a bottle. It never stops at 1. And our disease comes back hard when we start up again. No moderating nothing. Almost like we never stopped. I’m glad ur here! I’m glad ur reaching out! Jist for 24 hours don’t drink. I guarentee u. U will be so happy that u didn’t
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@BroccoliHighKicks Not only 50days, I applaud you! I am sitting at near 1000 and which of the two of us is looking to break Going back to watching videos/books/podcasts etc, is being proactive, so I need to go back to the beginning again and remind myself what ugly can look like . Thank you for this reminder and the reminder not to get ahead of myself and to reach out.
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@Butterflymoonwoman If I did not have this place and the amazing courageous people who share, I do not know what I would have done. When I read how people relapse, I get so much encouragement from them, when they own it and get back on track. They are humble, they are honest and they are strong. I feel just by opening myself up to the fact, I need help, has made me think how much in denial I have been.Thank you
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We all do, you are in good company!
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Always helps me remind myself who I will not be able to help. After I became sober I began orientating my thoughts to those who need my stories, other alcoholics. The disease is my own, but my God gave me this to help others, I can’t do that when I’m drinking. Great job and great on reaching out!
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It is absolutely okay to need help! Ur a stronger person for seeing that within urself and reaching out! U care about ur recovery… I know that, cuz otherwise u wouldn’t be asking for help 
I remember that time when I havd 3 yrs clean and in a way I struggled with the fact that everyone around me seemed to look up to me with my clean time and it seemed like they had these expectations of me… due to the fact that I had been clean for some time. But even those who have long term sobriety need help. I needed help back then and I let my ego get in the way. I struggled to admit that I needed help at 3 yrs clean. I almost felt embarasssed to ask for help. And when I do get long term clean time back again (and I know that I will struggle from time to time), I will be courageous like u and ask for help
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Return to the basics of recovery of that helps. The mtgs (if u go), the daily readings, the meditating, the sayings/mantras, whatever it is that got u to this point, keep at them. Sometimes our struggles are opportunities to grow and see how we can change. Or what we can add to our recovery to make it more exciting. I honestly didn’t feel like I really had much to say on ur post, since u are so far along,l and I have 6 days but I absolutely had to say something… cuz I don’t want u to lose ur almost 1000 days for 1 drink it’s just another 24 hours ahead that we all need to just focus on hugs
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Living, laughter and love is not found in a bottle and not something you want to stumble and drink through.
You’re doing great not drinking now let’s see what you ( we can help you) can do to start feeling good/better/great about yourself sober and your sober life!
And ways to be strong to maintain your sobriety.
Glad you posted.
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Congratulations in advance on your 1000 !! What an incredible accomplishment. 
My stop gates when I want to pickup are: reading the relapse thread here, pausing for 24 hours to make sure I really want to make that choice before I act on it and doing the HALT.
Thank you for showing that at any stage of the journey we can have feelings that require a choice.
I really respect you for putting this out there.
And again, Congratulations !
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This weekend has been hitting me hard. I thought I was feeling better. I don’t know what came over me. I feel like having a drink, but I know I’m not going to.
Congrats on 997, that’s huge! I’m on day 127.
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