Today has so far been completely according to schedule. It makes me really happy I managed to do that. It makes me feel accomplished, especially since it included homework, which I actually did. I did an assignment I’ve been procrastinating for months. Deadline was December 9th 2020. This evening will be good too I hope
Hey there kiddo. Im glad your day is going well. nothing like knocking things off your list.
proud of your positive attitude. keep up the good work.
Heck yeah! Good work Jan!
Thinking I should start taking notes from you on sticking to my planned schedule.
I notice you have totally different tone when you stick to your schedule, however; recently I have been uber impressed with your ability to navigate your day when its becomes a bit ambiguous.
Thanks Corin 
Aww, thanks Maggie 
could you perhaps explain the definition of ambiguous in this context? I’ve heard the word before a lot of time, but never really understood what it meant
When I typed it I was thinking about not really having all the answers when doing something and so not really knowing what the outcome may be.
I often need to lead people through changes or issues without fully knowing all the details and I have to have confidence in my abilities to move forward and make smart decisions. “By definition, someone who is able to deal with ambiguity “can effectively cope with change, shift gears comfortably, decide and act without having the total picture, and handle risk and uncertainty.” Those with a strong ability to deal with ambiguity are often described as adaptable, flexible, and comfortable with uncertainty.”
You were thrown a curveball in your plans/schedule recently and had to decide what and how you were going to manage your day without really having a plan for it.
Thank you for explaining. I did not expect to hear that in my life ever, due to my autism, so you saying it really means a lot to me
Now you just made my day!!
My son, 17 next month, has autism as well as my 14 year old son. No one would know unless you hang with each of them for awhile and its hard for others to see things the way they see things when only with them short periods of time.
Both of them are exactly the opposite of each other in how they process their everyday encounters. One takes all the chances and has me reminding him of possible consequences, and one has developed a full risk assessment plan on every situation before he gets out of bed:-).
Both of them are remarkable and in my opinion will do amazing things in what ever manner fits them best.
One thing we did and still do together is something we called resetting. Instead of taking a time out (because that never works) we reset. Meaning no matter what if something wasnt going the way they planned or emotions were getting too high, we could call a reset and literally we all paused and chose to let whatever was wrong go, talk about it and choose how we were going to handle the new path we were on. Also… they had NO PROBLEM making mom take a reset. It was a reminder in humility for sure.
They now do this on their own, without me having to be part of it and no one needs to call it out.
Sometime taking the reset can take a whole day and as they are getting older I can see them resetting in a matter of moments. They will quickly decide to either go with the flow or replan next steps…either way they are dealing with ambiguity as they don’t really have all the answers to what happens next.
Autism… in my opinion, can be both the biggest challenge for my boys and the biggest gift. They just think differently and because of it, I find I get to think differently. And as much as it would be easier to just go with how mainstream thinks, it also sounda like the worst way to live our lives. I can apprecate that what they have taught me goes above and beyond anything I could have learned on my own.
Ok, thanks for letting totally write a novel, LOL. I will hand this back to you now 
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I can relate to the reset. I’ve started doing it in recovery. Unless I’m aggressive, which luckily is very rarely, I can reset by simply taking a deep breath once
13 days until legal adult
Today was mostly according to plan. I showered. Skipped yoga. Prepared for the journey to my uncle and went to my uncle which is a couple hours driving. At my uncle’s place I “played” with his 20th century Lego’s. Discovered he has a set worth $200 second hand. Then drove back home and spent most of the car ride categorising uncategorised threads.
It has been a while since I checked in here. Today I am motivated, love that feeling. Last night I found a new hobby. Story writing. I’ll maybe share some stories one day.
I hope you do buddy, glad to hear your motivated and feeling good today
I just remembered that I had a very realistic gaming dream last night. All I could see was my screen. I dreamed I was making a new account on a game I used to no-life(play obsessively), which for me meant 18 hours a day, usually until 4am every night. I consciously thought that I should pick the ranger class. I remembered the map perfectly and saw people I used to play with. I vividly remembered that the first thing I should do was buy a new bow and arrows to quickly level. And then I woke up. Very short dream, but very accurate. It didn’t give me any cravings though
Today I have an English test I haven’t studied for. I never study for English test because I have a big ego and lots of confidence when it comes to my English
Good luck on your english test Jan. Glad your confident about it.
Today I got great news. I am allowed to finish school this year 
I am allowed to finish my school a level lower. I need to do a year’s work in 8 weeks, but that’s not too hard. I can simply employ my ASS obsession which is charged by motivation and push through. I’ll have a test at least every 2 days, but that only motivates me more as I get a reward for my work every few days instead of every 9 weeks.
Woo hoo! That’s awesome Jan!! I’m so happy for you!! 
Thanks Lisa
Woke up at 11am. Woke up to the smell of cat shit. Cleaned the shit and went back to bed, scrolling through TS and responding to overnight replies. Been doing some reflecting and come to realize I’m doing really fucking good. I haven’t been on a phone at night in over a month. There have been a couple relapses, but nothing severely, and I’ve been completely honest to myself, you guys and my mom about it. I feel peace. I have purpose again. Actually tearing up writing this. Haven’t felt such real peace in years. I forgot how it feels. Fuck TV completely. I’m done with this painful dance, it hasn’t brought me any good when it was from addictive motivation. I’m going for a run now and enjoy the sun 
I’m thinking some more about this. I don’t think addiction has caused all my problems lately. Not by a long shot. I think it was my lack of motivation and I guess depression? Not a clue about the depression though, don’t have a clue how that works and I ain’t self diagnosing, so let’s just stick to lack of motivation and being sad. Knowing this helps me accept relapses. Shit happens, but life goes on