Yesterday was great. I finished cleaning my room which is now tidier than it’s ever been. Then my best friend arrived and we played a game he bought for me similar to monopoly. And during the night we felt like real badasses walking through my town during the curfew. We were paranoid af lol
Today was good. My dad picked me up with his motorbike around 2pm. At his place we played a game for hours. Then we watched 2 movies which crosses my limit, but there was no addictive motive behind it. It was pure bonding with my dad, so I’m not sure if I’ll count it as a relapse, it’s hard with an addiction like this… I’ll decide tomorrow, imma sleep first
It was all about bonding with your dad and no ulterior motives. No relapse in my opinion.
Thanks doouchebag 
I’ve decided against a relapse, thanks for the input @Lisa07.
Today was good. My dad gave me €50 for my birthday which really surprised me as he has a debt of 6 figures. Was really grateful for that gift. We played the same game as yesterday again. We discussed music. We enjoyed his surround sound set-up. Just a great time. Not a lot of talking about the past either.
When I got home I had to get ready for work. Work was great as my boss had forgotten I had to work once again. I spent the entire night helping people with their work and doing things my colleagues wouldn’t do on a standard evening. I got a lot of compliments from my boss. He said I faced(putting the product as far forward as possible so that it looks tidy) perfectly. He also told me that they owed me a lot of gratitude for everything I do for them. Really great to hear. After work, I provided support to my youngest sister and my mom, which was really heavy stuff.
What a great day all the way around. I’m glad your boss is seeing your hard work and more importantly that he’s acknowledging it. 
It has been just over 4 hours since I watched my last episode of Grey’s anatomy.
My giving support was not healthy for me at that moment. I hate that doing something I love I can do can hurt me so much.
My current goal is no recreational technology until the final episode of WandaVision is released and then watch only that episode to reduce future cravings.
I beat myself up all morning. Just wanted to make myself suffer. But I’m doing better now. I went to a friends place today, to play some carcassonne and help him with computer studies. I am doing better again
Oh I’m so glad to hear this! 
I had a huge argument with my brother and I’m really grateful for it. I didn’t try to be the better man. I fought fire with fire. I showed the ass that he is not more important than me. I’m not his little brother who runs from the argument(in his eyes) anymore. He has been very nice to me afterward 
Good morning. I didn’t oversleep this morning, which is great. I am really looking forward to finally going back to school today.
Good luck on this day everyone
Today I’m feeling really good. No apparent cravings. Motivated big time.
I have decided that my new plan A is getting a certificate for the highest high school education. I will do this as a sprint, meaning that I will have to do 2 school years in one year. It’s a lot of pressure constantly, so perfect for me. Then I can do any follow up education I want and climb higher in the military. I am motivated and happy with myself. I have forgiven myself for the relapse and for a big part even my greatest regret as the latter has been a long time since I did it.
I’m grateful for you all, for all the kind words you’ve given over time
Once upon a time I used to wake up to 20 notifications every single day. Now I wake up to a max of 2, more often than not. It makes complete sense. I am a lot less active since then, and now it’s usually just writing about my story and not a lot of advice. But I still let it affect my self-esteem.
Despite that, I feel pretty good. And maybe it’s a sign I should try and give more advice like back in the day, it should be good for my own recovery.
Yesterday work was awesome. I was allowed to do a lot of miscellaneous things that people with my “rank” usually don’t do. I think that my future at the company is bright.
Today is school again, looking forward to focusing and being proud of myself. I deserve the latter even if I don’t want to believe it
I think that’s at the heart of it all Jan @anon89207786. Looking at your last post you’re doing great. Congrats on that. Little or no notifications are no sign you need more of those. I’d almost say you need even less. Like zero. I don’t engage with you that much because I find it hard to understand quite what your main addictive problems are. But I’m beginning to see some of it. Like right here. Concentrate on your core business which is living your ‘normal’ life. Getting likes is not your normal life. It’s getting and giving yourself little boosts of dopamine. Which is addictive. Indeed. I know the feeling believe me. You’re doing great as you are friend. Keep going. Sober and clean in the way that is significant for you and your particular mindset and personality. You got my full admiration for doing what you do as you do it at your age too. I hope that didn’t sound too paternalistic. Hugs.
It sure does look that way. In the past when I gave people advice, it’d make me feel good: dopamine.
If I want to give advice, I should do it because I want to help someone, not for the dopamine I get.
Thanks for bringing this up
it isn’t necessarily the likes i look for, it’s the @'s, the quotes and the replies. But that also is not my normal life indeed
I can understand what you try to say, Jan, and it’s like @Jennajen and @Mno already said. I think it’s also a big learning field for many of us hear. I am not collecting likes, do I? It’s the only way to see that you are read. Maybe many people read but don’t click in like button or don’t know what exactly to write. Like me most of the time. Although what we share is often deep the reactions we can give, are less deep. That’s the downside of this communication channel.
And concerning advice. I learn more by reading your stories and reflecting on my own than being given advice.
School was great, I already fully completed one subject as far as I know. I did a test today two hours after I started learning for it. I am 100% certain that at least 92% is right. There were 2 multiple choice questions that I didn’t know, but through process of elimination I managed to leave 2 options for one and three for the other, so great start of school
I am a petty SOB and I’m proud of it 
. Let me explain. Like I’ve mentioned before, I am going to school again to do an entire school year in 8 weeks. I have to sit in a tiny room with about 5 other people. 3 of them are 15-year-old girls, who happen to be best friends. Every day they chat like crazy, so I can’t concentrate there. They game whilst they are supposed to be doing school work, so really annoying and somewhat triggering. The thing is, there is only one table where they can all sit together whilst social distancing. So I sat down at that table before they could. Now that they are split up, they don’t chat. And it took them 10 minutes to figure out how they were gonna sit… and the third hasn’t even arrived yet 
I am bored. I don’t have my mathematics books with me. I’ve already finished reading the book that I started reading today and I’ve made the test about it too, which went okay. Don’t think I’ve scored 100%, but at least 80%. I am completely caught up with computer studies, although I could study some more but don’t feel like it. I have been given a dutch spelling book to study, but haven’t been told which pages to study yet. And the rest of the teachers haven’t communicated with me nor my mentor what I have to do yet. I don’t hate my mentor anymore btw, my anger mostly came from being confronted with the character defects that I hated myself for.
I’ve decided to study Spanish vocabulary.