I have watched the final episode of WandaVision, goodbye WandaVision cravings. I made a test today; wrote a motivational letter for Dutch and I did some mathematics.
I feel my mental health deteriorating again. There are still certain things that I can’t forgive myself for. But I won’t give in. I’ll push through the weekend and start next week fresh
Jan… whoa whoa whoa… catching up and feeling totally incredulous. You are doing a full school year in 8 weeks!!!
Like totally mind blown 
Sorry… you also had sooooo many other more important realizations, and feelings, and experiences…my mind just kinda stalled at the 8 weeks.
Good morning. I’m feeling pretty good this morning. I will not obsess over screens today. I will make a test for computer studies and attempt to make a test for Dutch
no test for computer studies today, my teacher is ill… Guess I’ll study for tomorrow’s test then
I am really annoyed at the moment. TS barely works on my phone since 15 minutes ago. When I click my keyboard, nothing happens in the “reply box”. My whole phone will just crash when trying to reply. Really weird. And my brother has come home after 4 days. First thing he does is blasting his music. The same music that is in my playlist, but it still really annoys me. It’s way too loud and I am very sensitive to that.
Besides all that, today was good. I spent the entire day studying for my Spanish test and looking some more into who I’ll vote for next week. I did really well on the Spanish test, so really happy about that.
I think I’ll work this evening as the evening shift is understaffed. I’ll save management, which makes them appreciate me more 
and it keeps me from obsessive screen usage, so win-win.
Today I had, for now, my last day of rehab aftercare. They all were impressed by my progress. They said that I had grown a lot since I was fresh from rehab, eventhough I thought I had gone downhill. They said I came up with really good topics. They said I was really strong in my recovery. Overall just very positive.
Work was great too. I kicked my deadline’s ass and my boss said the Dutch equivalent of “Damn you’re good”. He was kinda joking/playing when he said it, but he wouldn’t have said it if there wasn’t some truth to it.
Today was pretty good. I studied for a test for a long time at school and ended being unable to actually make that test today, so that was quite annoying, but I did have a lot of fun at school, just listening to people having the most random conversations and participating in some. I set boundaries when some people started playing videogames and asked them politely if they would mind sitting behind me instead, and they complied. This evening I played monopoly with my mom and her new boyfriend. And I took part in an interesting yet sometimes unnecessarily heated discussion. I ended up doing some dumb things, but I made up for them as soon as possible and they worked out thank God.
I hope you all have a very good day. I need to get to sleep now as I am up way too late 
It sounds like you are doing well these days. I look forward to hearing about your progress. I also have to watch my screentime and your posts have offered me quite a bit of food for thought. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I can’t imagine how tricky it must be to manage your addiction, given that a certain amount of technology/media is part of daily life now.
Cheers to you! 
I am glad to hear that my shares give you food for thought 
5 days is about my average stretch before a relapse, but I am feeling great. I have a light sense of craving and I’m pretty sure it will stay on the background for the entire weekend. So, I made plans for tomorrow. And today I wanted to go for a run, but there’s a literal storm here and would hate to have my head bashed in by a falling twig 
But since I had payday last week, I am gonna treat myself on a boardgame or some lego’s today
And I discovered I’m probably a gambling addict. Last night I decided to buy a €1 scratch ticket as I"m 18 now. Won nothing and though that’s that. Today I saw the scratch tickets again and I was fucking craving them… oops 
. Imma just quit gambling before even starting it. 
I bought some more lego’s. This will hopefully help me get throught this weekend
School is going really well, I’ve already completely finished 2 subjects and planning on finishing 2 more next week.
Thanks Chris 
Today was good. Had to work from 7-10am and 5:30-8:30pm.
I did show very dangerous behaviour after my second work shift. I watched one episode of a program on TV. I can’t binge it as it’s one episode released at a time. And it’s about Lego. I’m thinking about making my allowed screen usage overcomplicated again. Thinking I can watch only one show at a time with only one episode a week and only as they’re being released, so that it won’t be possible to relapse. As a huge fan of marvel, I can’t stand not being able to watch falcon and the winter soldier. My head is making all sorts of excuses.
I need to do some more work on my clean circles
My mental state is worsening. I’m upset with myself because I didn’t study for a test that I’ll have tomorrow. I’m upset that I am wasting my time. But you know what. SHUT THE FUCK UP HEAD. You are not contributing. I have been doing a really great job, but you always look at the negative. FUCK YOU.
I think I need school…
My mental state is in danger, as is my current attempt. I am stuck at home with corona symptoms. Now I’ll have to get tested. This will take at least 3 days. I can’t lose 3 days of school. That’s 20% of the days I have left. How am I gonna finish 3 beta subjects in 12 days? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuuuuuck.
I’ll have to do more than 12 tests in 12 days and that’s outside of the non-beta subjects and the assignments I’ve still got to do.
My life is such a fucking joke right now
Can you try to step back a bit from your feelings and your thoughts? Like in meditation they use the image of clouds that pass at the sky. Watch them without reacting imideatly. Like, oh, welcome thoughts, you again, and let them go.
Fuck fuck fuck them is a battle we cannot win. At least from my experience. Fuck fuck fuck is like hugging these thoughts and feelings and letting them strangling me.
I could give it a try
Oh heck, I hope you test negative!
I get you’re probably pissed and disappointed. We have our plans and aspirations but life doesn’t always follow them. Or most of the time it doesn’t. Beating yourself (or something else) up about it won’t change anything.
Like Franzi suggested, take some time to work with your thoughts so they don’t overwhelm you. Btw, it’s ok to be angry. It’s more about how you’re dealing with it. When you get to a calmer headspace, see what you can do practically. I’m guessing it would be something like: get an appointment to be tested for covid, finish your current assignments if you can, contact your school to see how to go about in this situation I’m sure they have a policy and most importantly: take care of your health and rest!!
This is not the end, not your academics nor your mental health 
Wishing you well buddy.