I relapsed. Little selfhate compared to the usual. I tested negative for covid and I’m already at school. I stink, because I had to cycle 18km/11miles against hard wind in 50 minutes. I am sweaty AF, but I’ll survive, I’m just glad I managed to pull myself out of my relapse before the 24 hour of active addiction mark. And I’m glad to be at school, despite my hair being a disgusting mess and stinking
I know why I’m not going to abuse screens anymore. I really like multiplications of 25. My game free time is 475 and my obsessive screen usage is 0. Both multiplications of 25. I’m going for 500/25, 525/50, 550/75, 575/100, etc.
Glad you tested negative! Stinky or not, school seems like a productive place for you. Hope your day was good.
It was fantastic. I started studying for a mathematics test today and I already made it today. I am pretty sure it’ll be a passing grade 
I’m thinking of taking a break from TS. It’s affecting my self-image negatively. It hurts when a post doesn’t get a post nor a reply, especially in this thread. That is not supposed to hurt. But on the other side, TS does help me a lot…
See you guys in a period of time I don’t know yet, could be days, weeks, months.
read whatsapp… 
I’ll miss you. It’s been a pleasure watching your journey. Do well in school and I look forward to your return here.
You may have noticed that this was not uploaded by me @anon89207786, but by someone else.
Eventhough I’m taking a break from TS, I do find it important to keep my diary updated, because I know that it gives at least a couple people food for thought about their screen usage. Hence why someone else is playing messenger 
So far today has been quite good. I received my grade for the mathematics test that I made yesterday. It wasn’t as high as I had expected, but it was 2% over the passing minimum, so that’s really good for studying only 5 hours for a test.
I did a test for Dutch today, which went really well. I think I’ll get a really good grade for it.
I also made a computer studies test today, about which I feel like I’ve made perfectly. Though there is the risk that my teacher thinks I cheated, because I remembered all numbers used as example in the practice assignments and used those numbers to be sure I didn’t do anything dumb. But if he thinks I cheated I well simply say all those numbers to him so that he knows I didn’t lol.
I also had intended to make another mathematics test today, but I struggled concentrating and I need full focus for the chapter I’m studying now as it’s something I’m not good at.
I did however discover that it’s very useful to leave my laptop at home or in my locker as I did feel a lot less cravings and I got a lot less distracted by it.
Next thing on the planning is voting. I am going to vote for the cery first time today I am really looking forward to use the power I have as an official citizen of the Netherlands
Wow, I’m writing so much more than usual and so much more organized because I’m not distracted the entire time. That’s awesome.
I do find myself looking at TS occasionally. Not for the likes or replies, but to “not miss out” on the changes/events in the community.
I cycled home in 33 minutes today, which means I averaged over 30km/18miles an hour. That’s a PR for me which I’m really glad about.
Tonight I relaxed and watched men in black with my mom.
Today started pretty good. I got out of bed in time. I was able to cycle to school with friends.
School wasn’t very special. I studied for a mathematics test and made it. I feel like I did a decent job. I won’t get the grade I’d hoped for, but I’m sure it will be a passing grade. If my avarage mathematics grade doesn’t meet my required average, I’ve got other subjects that can compensate, so it shouldn’t cause trouble.
One thing I did find very annoying whilst making the test was that two girls were playing video games and being loud. Really annoying, but it barely affected my performance, so that’s great.
Tonight I went to the store where I work and I was asked why I “no-call, no-showed”. I originally was supposed to work today, but I found a replacement. My boss is the one who changed the schedule. He is also the one who didn’t communicate with my shift manager that I won’t be at work, or he simply expected that I’d work anyways after being tested negatively. It surprised, but didn’t upset me, so that’s progress.
Later tonight I had an argument in my CGAA(computer gaming addicts anonymous) WhatsApp group when I was wrongly accused of calling people a toddler. I used the word toddler in a very different context. So I defended myself in the WhatsApp group, and I did so very politely. Then someone asked me to stop the discussion. This I found incredibly unfair, so I left the group.
Within minutes I got multiple messages and a phone call to make sure I was okay, so that was really kind. I’ll probably rejoin the group again.
I also played a boardgame with my mom today.
Now my mom’s boyfriend is here and we’re watching Hancock together.
On behalf of Jan:
I am really happy I don’t get obvious PAWS. Maybe a bit restless, or more nailbiting, or perhaps a bit more grumpy, but that’s it.
I have decided to remove TS from my home screen as I still open TS by force of habit whenever I see the logo.
I just found a way to not see any threads when I open TS. So that’s another problem solved.
School was good, I made a mathematics test and I made it well. This will be my last mathematics test for now and I am really happy about that.
I cycled home in 33 minutes again. Had I had other traffic circumstances, I’d probably have pulled it off in 31. My goal is to do it in under 30 minutes, but that will be hard.
Now it’s weekend. You all know what that means. I’m going to struggle 
.
My friend will sleep over, so it should be manageable.
I just went for a 4.7km run. I’m not a big fan of my speed, but that simply takes some practice. Can’t expect to do amazing when it’s the first time in months.
I have started cleaning my room, haven’t finished yet, but I’ll do that tomorrow.
So my mom just told me something interesting. Last year the amount of gaming addicts that went to the rehab I went to, rose from 29% to 60%. Now that sounds like a big problem to me. I wonder if there still are people who don’t believe in gaming addiction 
. Now that’s some resentment I didn’t know I had…
I have finished cleaning up my room just now.
I’ve spent about an hour adding new music to my Spotify playlist. It doesn’t seem dangerous behaviour. It’s just some music right? The music part is just fine, but my urge to keep on finding more music isn’t. Time to put away my phone for a while.
I am now taking apart my Legos until my friend gets here.
Last night was horrible.
Today was a really good day. I played a lot of boardgames with my friend. But we also watched YouTube for the social part and not out of addiction. I do however find it a relapse, even if only just 2 hours. It doesn’t feel like a relapse at all, but I will count it. If I don’t, my mind will without a doubt tell me that 2 hours of YouTube is okay. Then I will find myself in rabbithole after rabbithole. I’ll probably start with binging police shooting analyses. Then probably motor videos. Then comedy and who knows, I might eventually end up watching gaming videos. So imma just count this as a relapse to keep myself from having the “mother of all relapses”.
Good morning everyone. First morning ever after a relapse where I don’t completely hate myself
I am somewhat excited for school, but I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, which can waste valuable time. But I’ve already got an idea of what I’m going to do.
I notice I miss TS. Whenever something happens, the first people I wanna tell is TS. I don’t think it’s healthy, or maybe it is as it means I’m not isolating. I don’t know yet, I might need to make my self suspension longer.
That last sentence didn’t age well 
So I am back. I will be struggling a lot the next few days. My brother has covid. I cannot have any time away from school as I don’t have time to spare. I have only 9 school days left. Of which 4 have just upped and fucked off because I’ve got to quarantine. Also, another €100 I won’t earn because I’m a parttimer 
I am really fucking pissed right now. I am not happy. Not at all…
Aw, Jan. That sucks. I’d be pissed off too.
Hi Jan, I am sorry you seem to suffer. Sorry that apparently you don’t take yourself serious. I maybe get it wrong but all the irony and smileys, I know from myself to cover all the hidden misery and self-loathing that I have to transform. By taking me and my problems serious.
Take care, Jan 
This week has been horrible. Whilst I should have studied, a lot, I watched 4 seasons Grey’s anatomy. Now I am trying to delete my Disney plus account. And I can’t, Disney won’t let me delete my account. I have a back door that I do not want. I’ll fucking terminate that account today one way or another 
Hi Jan,I hope you come back tomorrow writing about day 1 finished. 
I am definitely planning on it
Backdoors are fatal. I lasted about 1 hour after my last reply. I won’t quit today. I will start tomorrow. I’ll finally go back to school. I’ve got a lot of schoolwork to catch up on. I wasted a whole week. But my backdoor has been taken care of. I think I might get it a lot easier once my brother moves out as he has big-time screen issues and is a huge trigger. And I bought a focus box which should be very helpful
I will handle this attempt differently. I will abstain from tv(outside of the news) every day besides Sunday. Sunday I can go nuts, but the rest of the days I will abstain. I hope that this way I can eliminate the new self hate I get every week after the usual relapse, making me less eager to eliminate the negative feelings by obsession. Phone usage is only for school, work, WhatsApp or TS.
I am starting this morning with a positive mindset. I have taken steps to eliminate all backdoors; all I have left to do now is wait for the elimination. I am finally going back to school today. I woke up at the right time and didn’t crawl back into my bed to snooze for over an hour. What’s most important for today is that I don’t need to stay positive and that it’s okay to feel angry or sad.
I am looking forward to this week. I’ll try to make a physics test today and tomorrow. Wednesday, I will try to make a science test, but my main focus will be on the mathematics test I’ll have on Thursday. This weekend I will finish an assignment that I’ve been procrastinating on for the last 7 days. After that, I will have only 3 tests left to do.
On the subject of school… I’ve decided to stuff another school year into the school year 2020-2021. I will try to finish the school year that I left to transfer to this school year. I started this year in the fifth year of “VWO”, I dropped a level to the fifth year of “HAVO”. After finishing “HAVO 5”, I’ll try to finish “VWO 5”. I am completely nuts to even think of this, but I’ll be able to keep going to this high school next year.
So far today has been real good. I don’t feel real good, but I do feel. And that’s what matters. Studying is going okay. Not great, just okay. It’s on my laptop, so many distractions and the room I’m in is very noisy. But that’s okay, not everything has to be perfect.
A teacher told me I’m smelly. Really fucking embarrasing, but also really helpful as I did not know I was smelly and could now do something about it. And the smell turned out to be my jacket and not me…
I also took a break by going for a walk and sitting near some water. I sat there for 30 minutes. No phone with me, so no need to check it. I just observed some ducks and looked at the tiny waves in the water. Really relaxing.
Now it’s back to studying.