In my opinion, technology is the silent killer of addiction. It’s hard to realize you’re addicted simply because it’s so normal nowadays to spent hours a day using it. Everyone does it.
It increases the fear of missing out, which gets people to check their phone or especially social media constantly. Acting in such a way isn’t very far from addiction.
Suicide rates have skyrocketed since social media gained traction. It’s very dangerous. But the biggest danger lies in the fact that it’s so beneficial as well. If alcohol were good for you, would you think it’s an addiction? I know I wouldn’t think of it very negatively.
I have a really bad image of Buddhism. I was raised to believe it’s a bad thing as I’m a Christian. But I’m getting the feeling that Buddhism is a lifestyle and not in fact a religion, so I might check it out someday.
Today is my mathematics final and I don’t think I’ll do well. The things I know aren’t often asked on the mathematics final. I think I’ll fuck up big time. Should have practiced instead of moaning about how my life sucks. I barely know any algebra, so I’m fucked because it’s nothing but algebra. Dammit
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I keep hearing that the next big challenge with technology is figuring out how to manage it in our lives with a great deal more balance than we do now. Many silicon valley billionaires don’t allow their kids to use technology (or only on a restricted basis) because the understand how corrosive it can be.
It wouldn’t be this way if our technologies weren’t designed to manipulate us.
As for Buddhism, my understanding is that it is a philosophy that some turned into a religion. Recovery Dharma and the version of meditation I learned draw from the philosophy aspect. In fact, most books on the topic talk about how Buddhist principles can usually nicely overlap or coexist with people’s religious beliefs.
It’s another day zero for me. I don’t feel like quitting. I have no motivation. It has done me no obvious harm. I’m nowhere near rock bottom. But whatever, I’ll just try again. Even though I clearly need a rock bottom, I don’t want one.
Despite having finals, each making up 50% of my grade, I still choose to watch TV. Do I really hate myself this much that I feel the need to sabotage my entire life? What the fuck
Anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve come to realize that even though gaming is my DOC, YouTube and Netflix comes in a close second. Was I not gaming, then I’d just watch videos about gaming. I’ve never spent an entire night gaming, I have had way too many all nighters watching Netflix and gaming videos. I HAVE had a rock bottom when it comes to watching TV and YouTube. Maybe I should try to take power from that instead of whining about my lack of motivation.
I have got three and a half hours until my chemistry exam, so I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. On the other hand, I did find a summary of all the needed information. The video is nearly 2 hours, but I’m watching it at 2x speed, which seems to be working for me. I’ve also found a video from someone who analyzed many previous exams and found out what kind of questions are recurring each year, so I’ll give that a look too. The only problem is that it’s on YouTube and that that’s one of my DOC’s, so there is great potential for struggles. Maybe I’m not as bad off as I thought…
A question: could this tv/YouTube watching be a way of dealing with anxiety? You’re in the middle of exams right now and life in general gives reasons to be anxious.
I recognise that one of my ways of coping with stress is simply procrastinating and fleeing into things I THINK would relieve it. If this is true for you too, it’s not necessarily self hatred but an unproductive way of saving yourself. I know you’ve said tough love works for you and that’s great. However have you tried soft persuasion? Not " oh poor me" but for example: Ok Jan, you seem to be anxious about your exams and that you’ve spent a lot of time not studying. I know you’re doing your best nevertheless. You know that trying to deal with your stress by running away doesn’t help. What does help is that you tell yourself you’re doing your best, you are good enough, your school success does not define you or your worth as a person. You’re brave enough to face your books, even if it was for 5 minutes at the time. Etc
All best for your remaining exams. We’re rooting for you here!
The first thought that came to my head was: “But i don’t like lying to myself”… Thanks head, love you too buddy . But this does seem like a good approach. It’s in a way, fake it 'til you make it. I have no experience with that approach as I find it dishonest and fear it will become a mask. But I can’t really find it out without trying. And looking back, about 60% of my old account is a mask hiding my pain, so I only think dishonesty is bad when it can help me.
Even though being nice to myself is really cringy to me, I’ll give it a try. Thanks Liv
I found out, when I sabotage myself, it’s to fulfil the image I have of myself : see, like I thought. I am a miserable creature, dumb etc and like a self-fulfilling profecy I act the way my imagination of myself. So it’s a win win situation for my negative self image.
What if you/I could externalise this stupid voice in our head, stepping away and let’s imagine someone you would never want to be right and then say: screw you, of course I will do it. Maybe I need some time but in the end I will succeed no matter what and no matter what you want me to be.
Holy shit, that makes so much sense. I probably do that. Makes me wonder, if I fake having a good self-image(fake it 'til you make it), will it make me act in a way to fulfill my self-image? So will I self-not-sabotage?
You’re welcome. I get what you’re saying but I don’t think that approach is about dishonesty. If your view about yourself is negative (“I’m not good enough”) it can feel like you’re lying to yourself when you encourage yourself with positive affirmation. I’m not saying that you should not accept your failures, but that you accept yourself despite those failures.
My view about you is not a negative one. I think you’re doing the best you can. “The best you can” does not mean perfect score but that you did what you could with what you had. You are a bright young man with a difficult addiction making his way through school and daring to do it in a way no one has done before (expedited exam route).
So in ways you can choose how you want to view yourself. Negative and positive views both have truth to them and irl it’s not such a clear division but it helps to detect the vibe you have about yourself. I’d go with a view that helps you to love yourself and grow and mature as a person.
I’m not saying the way you think about yourself is wrong but I’m wondering if it’s beneficial. What I’m offering here is a differently view that can give different results when you practise it.
I’d say don’t lie to yourself. Lies never result in anything good. You can be truthful about yourself but change the perspective.
Let me try to give an example:
View A
Fact: I failed my exam
My interpretation: I’m a failure, a lazy student, I just keep fucking up
View B
Fact: I failed my exam
My interpretation: this exam was hard and i don’t think I took enough time to prep for it. That bummes me out, I would have wanted to do better. Next time, I’ll plan ahead and try to prep better. I did my best this time, although I’m not happy with it. I care about exams so it means I’m not “lazy” or indifferent about school and my future. That’s good. Failing in one exam doesn’t mean that I’m a shitty person. There’s so much more to me than school success. I ace Legos. I have friends. A good sense of humour. Etc etc
Can you see the difference? Facts are same but different view point.
The test went surprisingly well:tada:
All because I did my best with the time I hadn’t wasted yet. I’m happy with my accomplishment. Even though I was tired, I sat through an hour and a half of monotonous chemistry. Progresssss
I tried to study Spanish today, but my head wanted TV. So I instead did an IQ test, not Spanish, but not useless either. It wasn’t a very legitimate iq test, but I scored 142, not bad. Today was pretty good. I did not criticize myself for every aspect, nor did I wear a “life is perfect” mask, which I tend to do. I am happy with my actions today
. But this does seem like a good approach. It’s in a way, fake it 'til you make it. I have no experience with that approach as I find it dishonest and fear it will become a mask. But I can’t really find it out without trying. And looking back, about 60% of my old account is a mask hiding my pain, so I only think dishonesty is bad when it can help me.
