I joined this community a little while ago. It’s been a minute…. I lost myself. I relapsed. Only this time, my physical and mental health have been suffering more than anything. My anxiety is on 100, I’ve lost so much weight because I can’t eat, and I’m so incredibly weak. How could I possibly be addicted to something that brings me so much pain? My brain is convinced that drinking is okay when all it does is hurt me. I’m currently 4 days sober from alcohol and weed, and a few hours sober from nicotine. These drugs don’t do anything for me. Since I know deep down they’re bad for me, how do I continue to push these cravings away? I really want to be sober. I want to be happy again.
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Through reaching out for sober support, and building strength in a way that works for you.
You cannot do this alone. There’s a variety of ways to get there but none of them are about “willpower” or just “making the right choice”. We all know it’s not healthy; we all battled with our addict brains romanticizing our addiction, telling us it’s fine, luring us back in.
For many people, a group helps. There’s in person and online. There are groups online just about 24 hours a day. Feel free to go to as many groups as you need in a day. It’s a safe space.
Hang out here on Talking Sober and explore the threads. It’s a great place to be!
First step is you need to get sober and grounded. Everything else - that comes later - is based on that. Getting into a group is one way to learn and practice being grounded, being real, being healthy with yourself.
In my personal life and choices, I have a simple rule that helps me:
You’re allowed to do anything safe and legal, to stay sober.
- Go to the amusement park and ride rollercoasters all day? Yes.
- Cake for dinner? Yes.
- Long walks listening to loud music? Yes.
- Cancel plans or change them? (because you need a safe space and you’re worried the plan may put you at risk) Absolutely.
- Find a new job because your current one isn’t working for you staying healthy? Yes.
- Etc etc
What matters is getting grounded and healthy (which means, sober). Literally everything else is built on that.
The nice thing is that it’s actually pretty simple. Reach out, connect, show up, and take it one day at a time. You’ll get there. Be persistent.
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I hear you. It’s helps me to think of “parts” of myself. There is a part that knows better, and there is a part that doesn’t. Unfortunately when we are addicted, when we are in pain, when we are uncomfortable, that younger, less mature part takes over and does the only thing it knows how to do to TRY to make you feel better in the moment. The intent is to feel better, it’s just misguided. My work is to have compassion and understanding for that misguided part, awhile learning to live my life more and more from the part who knows that going to my addictions does not help at all 
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