Hi I’m new to this and been sober 11 days now i will admit Xmas and new year was so hard to get through but I managed to do it and proud of myself.I started drinking when I was diagnosed with post natal depression 7 years ago using drink to self medicate then it got a big hold of me my ex partner left me which put me on more of a self destruct path .I went to my doctor who said if I continue to drink i will lose everything and end up in a black hole and find it hard to get out.Well I thought to myself no that won’t happen i will be fine but the doctor was right i was in that black hole list my kids to there dads lost my sister who I was really close to the said it broke her heart seeing me this way that she had to part from me which just made me cry for more drink.I’ve drank solidly for weeks not eating a thing and ending up so I’ll i needed hospital treatment on a good few occasions because I couldn’t cope with all the feekings,hurt, I was going through i just wanted to die.I’m in rehab at the moment and 11 days sober i usually get to five weeks and relapse its strange.I’m glad I found this app and hoping this will help me.I’ve read so many stories i can relate to u thought I was the only one but I no I’m not.all the best to you in your recovery people and happy New year x
Hello, My name is Dan. Well, here’s my story. I guess from the beginning it started when I was a kid. My father (very lite drinker) would sometimes and rarely let me taste his beer (maybe thimble amount) As a kid I remember not really thinking much of it. I didn’t necessarily like it, but didn’t hate it either.
At the same time, I’m the youngest out of 6 siblings. Growing up of course I always thought my older brothers and sisters were the coolest. We always had fun as a family. Camping, hunting, fishing and holidays etc. Both parents rarely drank. They were social drinkers never a problem. But as far as my siblings, I grew up watching them experiment. Looking up to them I also watched them. As teenager’s I witnessed them drinking and listening to their records and 8 tracks (dating myself) the drinking part I really didn’t understand but I loved listening to the music part, which plays a significant role in my story. So at the age of 8 I found a music store (instruments) in my town and they offered drum lessons. Since I was really into music rock/metal and loved the drums I begged my mother for drum lessons. Skip forward 6 years and still playing drums I found a punk band that needed a drummer. I auditioned and was “hired”. To spare the cliche of pb&j. The Rock and roll lifestyle is a real thing. The guys in my band were a little older so alot of pot and alcohol. Of course I wanted to be part of the band. To a certain degree I was one of the biggest instigators. Jump ahead another 4 years. Different band better musicians. I moved to Washington D.C. with my band. More like minded people same use of alcohol and drugs. Actually more so. The band did ok for still being fairly young still. Met and hung out with actual rock stars. One major rock star in particular, but I won’t hurt your foot by name dropping. Anyway, even though the band being fairly young, we definitely were able to hang with the big boys when it came to drugs and alcohol. After a little while the band broke up (first sign usage became a problem) moved back home to Missoula. Regrouped the band and kept the lifestyle. Pretty much gave up on the drugs part but kept the alcohol. We did pretty good being big fish in a small town. The band was able to open up for some national acts including Pearl Jam. At that point we were little semi local celebrities hardly ever had to pay for drinks when we went out. And we went out alot. Move ahead again a couple years and we moved to Portland OR. Same thing, band breaks up. I joined another band recorded CD’s toured the U.S. blah, blah. Kept drinking and heavy. All of a sudden in a blink of an alcoholics blurry eye, DUI that snowballed into other major legal problems. Well, so on and so on. Moved back to hometown. Kept using. Another band failure. Kept drinking. Failed relationships. Kept drinking. Gave up on music. Kept drinking. Another DUI. Kept drinking. Now 47, more legal problems, a separated marriage, and now a dad of the most gorgeous little girl in the world… I’m done. I’m here and my sobriety date is June 15, 2019.
Welcome Dan. Thank you for sharing.
I started heavily drinking at 19 when I was in an abusive relationship. The abuse was horrible and I drank to cope and not feel the pain as much. After I left him the drinking got worse I was drinking and taking my meds like klonopin and amphetamine which looking back was extremely dangerous. I was put on commitment for two years and in various treatment centers they didn’t help and when I left would drink worse. Then two years ago I only drank to black out, lost my iPhone and $90. Then fell and got stitches on my head. I started going to outpatient for 7 months and after 2 relapses, got back on the wagon and am 1 year sober. 
I’ve been fighting my addiction in silence, for over a year now. after coming from treatment. My relapse this time ten times worst than my previous relapse. It’s getting harder to fight it from a day to day basis. I am a crystal meth user, 30years old and overall I’ve been exposed to meth for 17years, with 10years clean time, had a dip and relapsed, after getting clean I had 3months clean time then had my worst relapse yet so currently I’m working on my own recovery and I’m scared that this habit will continue another day ,another week another month or worst another year. I was diagnosed with depression but that isn’t my biggest fear, my biggest fear is anxiety and dealing with physical anxiety disorder. The feeling of sober I have not felt in over a year and from my side, I’m mentally preparing myself for recovery by doing my recovery relapse prevention, avoiding trigger situations and dealing with my emotions in a healthier manner, however I just cant stop my self from picking up … it’s as tho I’m already in my new life mentally but not abstaining, it’s insane because I’m so ampt for recovery and clear thinking and clean habits, but the ability to stop is much out of my control at this point.
Today, the day of hope is a new experience for me because its pass 12 in the afternoon and I still didnt pick up and use, the thoughts are rocking my brain, but my body is not responding to pick up… so with this app it got me constantly thinking about clean time and inspired by the successful life stories
Hello! I have not had a glass of wine for 24 days and I feel great! I expected it to be harder than it was. When I asked myself how it served me, I realized it didn’t and never has! Seeing through a distorted lens I guess. It made me depressed, not happy. It wasn’t good for my health or my marriage. It was not good for my health.
I sleep better. My self esteem is high. I feel freedom! I’m more confident. My brain is clearer. I’ve lost weight!
Looking forward to connecting with others in similar situations!
Sorry Shelly. I thought I was doing my 1st post, but it looks like I’ve replied to you.
Hello anyway!
Bio
Almost 47(May 23rd) and 2 months 23 days ago finished a 28 day plus inpatient treatment program. Right out of treatment, moved to Eastern Washington, changing people, places and things! This journey has been 12 years in the making.
Graduated class of ‘91’ and immediately started taking courses at community colleges. Within a few years I was a certified EMT, First Aid & CPR Instructor & certified phlebotomist. While working for a hospital, I was also very active as a volunteer for the King County 4x4 Search & Rescue. I was living the dream!
It all slowly ended as I was diagnosed with endometriosis. This ultimately led to multiple surgeries, massive weight gain & gastric bypass to lose the weight. Complications set in leading to many health issues and more surgeries, for a total of 17. Let’s not forget pain medication addiction too.
A new life started to evolve, having weighed 400lbs in 2003 to hitting a weight the Dr.'s said was impossible…156lbs by 2005! (It was a rough road to say the least.) I moved to Seattle & started over. REALLY started over….Goth…the new look!
I slowly made safe new friends. But it all changed! Fell into the wrong crowd. Drugs came into play in addition to the massive pain meds I was prescribed. And then the raging alcoholic!
Late 2006 I met someone. He, on work release, was painting the apartment I lived in. Told me his story and I ‘believed’ him. I started cleaning up as he was to be released in 3 months after a 5 year stent in prison. He moved in with me, upon his release in the beginning of 2007. I didn’t know that my life was about to change forever.
On May 23rd 2007(my birthday) was the first time he raped me. It wouldn’t be the last. In the years time I was with him, he had strangled me, one day as I lay sound asleep on the couch, he woke me holding a butcher knife to my neck telling me he won’t rape me this time but has other things in mind. He has me focus my attention to the perfectly placed row of ‘tools’ that lay in front of him. He cuts all my clothes off with the knife and then returns it to my neck. Tears, horror, thinking how much this will hurt and then realizing, I am about to be murdered. I prayed and didn’t say a word because that’s what he wanted. To hear the fear, see my fear, to see me struggle. To this day, I still can’t fully explain what happens next. Other than a miracle from a power greater than me. The monster in front of me was not human. What seemed like an eternity, staring into his solid black eyes & different facial features, then suddenly all was quiet. Everything was frozen if you will. As sudden as it happened, it ended the same. This part I can only explain as, whatever it was, was now gone. He looked like him again. He was horrified as he saw the butcher knife in his hand, seeing the scene before him and quickly realizing what he just did. He dropped the knife, and cried (the only time in the year I was with him) and hid in a corner of the room as I lay on the couch still frozen.
He never did that again, however, the monster never went away. Always a new tactic of abuse, physical, mental & sexual making it almost impossible to escape.
It would take me 3 months to methodically, and secretly figure the safest way out. Basically, pretending how in love I am with him and always accepting his apologies for the abuse.
Near the end of 2007, I had a routine gynecological appt. Him always watching my every move, drove me. I insisted he went into the exam with me as I wanted my Dr. & staff to see him. This was the day I was going to escape. And I did. Out the back door with the office manager who safely drives me to meeting point to unite me with my Mom. He waits in the lobby thinking I’m getting my blood drawn.
During that year I used drugs to numb. We used drugs together, as he always had them. Being a full blown addict, he knew I wouldn’t leave. The days I didn’t use, he drugged me. I never reported ANY of this. Afterall, who would believe an addict? Especially all that he had done.
Afterall, it comes with the territory…right?
Afterall, why didn’t you just get out sooner?
And finally….I wanted to Live.
12 years are gone, but not forgotten. The darkness, that became my life. Although pain meds & alcohol were a thing in the past, my new best friend, Meth, became my drug of choice. I hung out with certain groups, but one day just decided to never return. I wasn’t ok with the things I was seeing and the criminal activity going on around me. I was fighting inside from the trauma that took my life away. So the last 4 years or so I solely kept to myself. My creativity came about while using. I had no idea I could do ANY of it. So drowning myself in writing, art, sewing, paper crafts and so on I functioned under the radar. It eventually got the best of me. I knew that the very demon inside was holding me back. This last 2 years was a complete rock bottom. Suicide attempts, started shooting up in my thighs, multiple trips to a psychiatric hospital. I kept going and the staff kept admitting me. Each time I became teachable, open minded, willing and took the steps to face my demon that changed me 12 years ago. This new approach gave me hope with a new attitude, strength and confidence I never thought I had.
Today, I can look at my past with clear eyes. I can see what I couldn’t see then. Feel what I couldn’t feel then. Love what I couldn’t love then. Taking suggestions and running with them on my own has been key. Before, I was always told you must do this or that to stay clean. It never worked because it was a daily reminder of being trapped & watched. Today I can see ALL of the remarkable lessons and great strengths I didn’t think I had 12 years ago. Today, I can finally say, 'I AM a survivor! I love myself and I am proud of all of my accomplishments. My story doesn’t end here!
If you made it this far in this novel of a bio, I commend you! Writing too much is a character defect I just can’t seem to conquer!
Hi all! I’m new to this type of thing…I have Googled how to stop drinking a million times and how to limit alcohol etc…and I kept seeing journaling over and over.
I bought a note pad to try and start but honestly it would be nice to vent to others that can give feedback or just be an understanding ear.
I’m surprised how strong my emotions are even coming on this site…I briefly browsed some of the sobriety pictures and immediately started struggling with tears. I could see the happiness radiating off of your faces and I remember that happiness and pride in myself when I was sober a year ago.
My story - a year ago I had been sober for a year and a half. I lost 100lbs, I was happier and more productive than ever - I worked out at the gym A LOT, I cleaned my house, I had meaningful conversations with people, I was actively interviewing for promotions at work…everything was going well.
I had wanted to quit drinking for a very long time previously and what finally made me do it was that after a night of drinking I became very dizzy all day everyday for weeks. I went to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me and told me to just wait it out and that it was most likely a virus. No matter what anybody said I felt a super strong association with my last night of drinking and this dizziness and it felt like my life was immediately taken away from me because I was barely able to walk let alone live an enjoyable life…so from that day on I didn’t drink a drop because I felt like my dizziness was due to drinking…the entire year and a half though I always said “I don’t know if I’ll stop drinking forever, but for now I’m not drinking.” and I think not promising anything actually took some pressure off of me and made me be able to finally be successful quitting…I just took it day-by-day instead of making some seemingly impossible promise “for life”
A year and a half of sobriety I was in a lot of ways happier than ever but I was often feeling bored and lonely.
I had a crush on a bartender/lawyer bar owner and him and I had gone on one date but he seemed to be keeping me at a distance and I wanted more than anything for him to let me get close to him…I had the biggest crush on him and wanted more than anything to get to know him and one night I had the idea that maybe if I drank again that he would see me as more one if this kind and let me in…let me get close to him…
Well I got drunk and went home with him and honestly it turned out terribly…but I continued drinking from that night on.
I’ve been back drinking for a year 2 months now…I’ve gained 40lbs, I’m often depressed, I miss the gym often due to hangovers, I eat bad often due to hangovers…I have luckily developed more hobbies this time around (a lot of DIY stuff) but any time I drink I am unable to do them…so lately I rotate getting drunk or doing my hobbies every other weekend.
I’m here to be more conscious of the unhappiness drinking is bringing me and to remind myself of the happiness sobriety brings.
I would like to some day be strong enough to say that I never want to drink again. I know in my heart that I would be a lot better version of myself if I lived sober…SO much better…but I have so much shame, loneliness, boredom, and mind racing that I will have to face when I become sober…and I have to get brave enough to handle it…maybe having this forum will make me feel less alone during this.
I like the sound of that giving a sobriety date!!! Awesome job :). I had achieved a year and a half of sobriety and one sad day slipped back…I wish i’d get a sobriety journal to remember the happiness sobriety brought me.
that’s awesome!!! Today is day two sober for me…second try at sobriety…I miss the weight loss and clear mind that you’re talking about so much!!
Congratulations u r the bomb
Hi, I’m Nick, I’ve been drinking for aboat 23yrs, heavily for the last 15yrs, i’ve had periods of sobriety a month or 2 here and there tried countless times to stop but just never can seem 2, and i’ve really tried, lost my liesons twice, got an assult charge and just aboat went to jail a couple of years ago cause I was so drunk and I was driving, my wife left me once, can’t count how many jobs i have lost, tried the whole AA thing several times, and last time I went all in and even got a sponser, but just don’t agree with their views. I lost my job last week, they gave me 4 chances, but i’d still drink at work, after i got fired went to detox, so the physical withdrawls are over, but knows the hard part, If I don’t quit this time i’m gonna loss everything, well thanks for listening
Hi!!! My name is Lisa. I have been here before. If I remember right it was in April and I only lasted 2 weeks. I am 54 and full blown alcoholic. I am tired of alcohol and how it makes me feel. I adopted my grandson 7 years ago. He is a joy and I love him so much. His mother, my daughter, is a heroin addict. I have had to terminate our relationship. This has broken my heart. The drinking helped me to relax and not think. Now the alcohol has control over me and I don’t like that. I don’t want to drink anymore.
Hey I’m Eva, I am day one into my sobriety. My drinking began 3 yrs ago. I started out having control over it. I was always a straight shooting vodka chic… I was with my kids father for 23yrs and had experienced our first split up, lasting just a year and half. Him and I reconnected and continued our lives together. His drink was Fireball, we drank as responsible adults. Our lives forever changed three months later on November 18, 2018. I will never forget that restless night of sleep and an early morning knock on the front door. It was the sheriff standing there asking to enter they needed to talk to us about something. I’ll never forget my ex handing me a ripped piece of paper with only our sons information written down, his name, parents name along with the address. Next was passed an envelope containing his broken phone and chapstick. The sheriff had came to inform us that our son, 16, was killed by a drunk driver and was pronounced dead on the scene at 3:11am that morning. That moment, that feeling of every emotion possible I felt every second of everyday ever since. It’s undescribable. Him and his friends left the night before to get donuts from the next town over. While traveling home a drunk driver hit the car head on, causing it to flipped over into the ditch. My son and another girl passed away, the other three were airlifted to the nearest hospitals.
After this, we both drank until nightfall. We split up this year in January. I do not want to be addicted to something that had taken my son’s life away. I was eventually using alcohol as an escape, self coping, self medicating method at the time, however, slowly it’s consuming me. Today is now my first day sober and it feels good, but will be a hard road to conquer.
Glad to hear you are now attending A.A. GREAT WAY TO KEEP CLEAN! Keep up the Great.
Hi, started doing heroin, cocain , álcool very young, tried many treatement, none worked and at 22 ended up at hospital in 1998. Almost died. Very sad youth.
Since august 14th 1998 stayed clean, recovering is another issue.
Knowledge & Wisdom Gained @ Day 30?
That it’s doable I guess. That’s it for right now. 
I haven’t achieved any peace or gratitude about it yet. Hopeful though with more time & “personal acceptance” I guess I’ll call it that I will reach that point but definitely not there yet.
Trying to think only one day at a time because forever doesn’t seem possible or even what I tell myself I want. Working on my self-talk but I’m just being honest here. My thinking leaves me in great danger for relapse.
I was clean for 11 years. Relapsed 4 years ago. Starting day 1 of sober lifestyle. I hurt all over. My mind my body. My heart. Im sad and scared because I’ve attempted so many times to quit since I Relapsed. This is not the life I ever wanted to come back to. What happened?
I was on heroin for the last 4 years. This past July/August I accidentally OD’d and my 5 yr old knew something was wrong when I didn’t answer in the bathroom and she thankfully got her dad who ended up saving my life…I jus recently (March 31) went into detox and am now getting my life back together…but that was the hardest shit I’ve ever had to face in my entire life I’m jus ready for a new beginning for me and my kids