Therapy and AA. Always a great start in my opinion. AA for the drinking. Therapy to work on your feelings around the relationship.
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Why not try taking drink out of the equation and just try life that way… I know it’s a hard habit to try to break but the truth is it’s not a good habit. It’s easy and seemingly harmless; but once you get clear for a bit of time, you’ll see the difference. Welcome here btw!
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I was afraid of what would happen with my marriage when I stopped drinking as well. I had the exact same “What if we don’t like each other?” thought racing through my mind.
Turns out, everything is a million times better without the alcohol. It’s much easier to get along, if we argue we are able to resolve it rationally and we don’t argue about pointless things anymore.
I’m with @anon79808082, give it a try. I would bet that your fears will be unfounded like mine and you will discover that things are much better in your marriage when you don’t drink.
As for your husbands’ drinking, I would say that is his decision. You can only control what you do and as long as he supports your decisions I believe that is all you need to succeed 
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Thank you all for the encouraging words. I am an overthinker for sure and I need to have more faith in both of us.
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I don’t think you’re overthinking it!
I believe that we don’t realize how much of a negative impact alcohol has until we stop. Almost all of the “positives” of alcohol like being able to socialize more easily are really just in our heads and you will find that you really don’t need it.
In my experience, the hardest part was stopping. I was terrified of life without alcohol. Once I found the tools that I needed to stop I was amazed at how much better life (and my marriage) has been.
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Speaking as someone who is in a marriage that is in good shape and we enjoy many things together -
The arguments are not going to stop. They’ll change, but it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows.
My wife and I argue when one or both of us feels deeply misunderstood or unheard. And what I’ve learned is that’s part of communication. We don’t get insulting with each other - we don’t minimize or diminish the other; it’s not personal - but we don’t let our needs be ignored.
The difference in sobriety is that you’re present for the argument and really trying to understand and resolve it sincerely. Like other posters have said above, everything is better sober.
Cut the drinking out and see what happens. Turn to AA or another sobriety program to help - they’re like free personal therapy:
Resources for our recovery
Marriage therapy is very helpful if you can afford some. If not, there is still a lot you can learn in AA or other programs that applies to a marriage.
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I have gathered together a variety of threads on this topic you may find useful…hope it helps you a bit! 
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Does your husband have a problem with alcohol or is he a “normal” drinker? There’s a few of us on here that are navigating sobriety while spouses continue to drink.
My husband is an alcoholic and it’s been challenging for me. He did not give up drinking when I did. It hasn’t been easy for me but I make my sobriety a priority every single day. I focus on keeping my side of the street clean. There’s been many times over the past year when I didn’t think our marriage could survive. The fights always got worse at night after he had been drinking. He did finally give it up 2 weeks ago and now we’re able to work on fixing things. I’m hopeful that we both love each other enough to make it work but only time will tell. Neither of us are giving up while we get to know each other sober. I’m finding communication is key. We both discuss what we are willing to do and not do to make it work. It’s almost like we’re starting over because we’re not the same people we were while drinking.
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He’s not drinking? I must of missed that. I’m always praying for y’all and your sobriety to be able to work it out. I hope y’all can work this. I know it’s been hard on ya. That’s great!
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I don’t think I put it out on the forum yet because I’m worried he’ll go back. We’ve been down this road 2 other times and he’s gone back after a few weeks. I’m hoping 3rd times a charm. 
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Well my wife, and drinking buddy for the past 40 years, is still drinking every day of my sobriety. I’m ok with it now. I have been for awhile. She’s very predictable and harmless and usually just passes out on the couch around 8. More room in the bed for me with all the cats and dogs. It gets lonely in the evenings. But I’m use to that. At first we talked about my quitting drinking and that was good. But she said she’s not stopping. I’m only responsible for my sobriety no one else’s. I had the pleasure of learning that with both my children as they both ended up in rehab a few times and we wouldn’t let them come home. We told them they had to do sober living or we won’t support you anymore. Anyway I got plenty of Alanon tools and AA tools and after 37 and a half years of marriage I’ve learned to be grateful for the time I get with wifey when she is sober. Thanks to the people here at TS I’ve been able to stay sober and I really don’t want to be a slave to booze and get back on the hangover merry go round ever again. And I believe strongly in my gratitude list every single morning on here. Gets my mind in a good state for the day. I love my sobriety!! I don’t care who drinks around me. Booze is everywhere!! What are ya going do? I reckon I needed this share 
Good luck.
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Well hopefully somehow it can get better one way or another. Didn’t mean to let the cat out of the bag. I totally get it. Actions over time I hope will work in your favor this time.
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I didn’t know we’re in the same boat. We gonna need a bigger boat 
I’m happy it’s working out for you. Like you said. And everyone else has said, you’re only responsible for your own sobriety. Even though I do get lonely at night with wifey drinking we have a great time the rest of the day.
Have a great Sunday.
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No worries Eric. The only reason I haven’t said anything yet is because I’m sure everyone is tired of reading the shit around my fucked up marriage. It’s a freakin roller coaster.
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My husband and I drank together every day for the first years of our relationship. We met at a bar at 11 am, during a hangover breakfast that turned into us drinking until the wee morning hours the next day. We did that together all the time.
When I quit drinking I knew that decision was mine, and mine alone.
Did he miss his drinking buddy? Sure.
Was I going to be mad at him for being an alcoholic? No. Pot/kettle.
Has his drinking been a point of tension between us the last 3.5 years? A few times. Mostly when he’s decided to drive after drinking.
The only thing we have control over is ourselves, and the way we react to things. My sobriety has nothing to do with him. It has nothing to do with anyone but me. So, I do what I need to do to keep myself sober, and I make sure that if he drinks while we are out together, that I can at least make sure he makes it home safe by driving.
Will it be hard for awhile? Definitely. It took a few months for me not to resent him for continuing to drink, but people here helped me realize that his drinking had nothing to do with me, and my sobriety had nothing to do with him.
He has slowed down since I quit, and only drinks one night a week now. Its usually a binge drinking scenario, but it is still less destructive than binge drinking 7 nights a week. 🤷 I’ll take it as a win.
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Is there room in that boat for me, too? 
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Never tired of it. We can always scroll by it 
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I think we’re going to need a cruise ship 
I guess I’ve always been surprised about the lack of continuous topics about spouses that drink. I guess I’m learning it’s our sobriety. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does. Spouses. Friends. Aunts. Parents.
It’s our wonderful choice and our job.
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Wishing you and your husband a lot of strenght and support on this road! Hope you can make it work, hope he’s ready this time! x
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Wow! I so appreciate and needed to hear all your words. I ve felt very alone in the past 3 years as I’ve been working on my sober muscles… thanks sassyrocks for that one. You have all helped confirm what I knew in my heart. He is an everyday day drinker that rarely causes an issue … although I know his mood and physical health would be better if he got sober. As you all have said I need to focus on my self. I was at a place where I felt I needed to pick my marriage or sobriety and I just needed to know that getting sober with a drinking partner can be done. There’s not a lot of posts on it as one of you said because it shouldn’t be about the other person. This is my first interaction with a sober community and I don’t have anyone else. Not sure that I feel comfortable with AA although I haven’t totally decided against it. So I apologize in advance if I blow up the forum.
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