Hi all, hope you are all feeling good today. I just wanted some advice, I’m 38, since I was 15 I’ve been a binge drinker, always blacking out, always the most drunk, I’ve had periods of drinking daily but the last 8 years just binging and can go a good month or more without an ddont think about it, I can have the odd glass of red and then stop at home but generally when I start and especially if I’m going to pubs I just get so drunk and do awful things that embarrass me and wake up with panic attacks, my partner has had to endure me over the years, I’ve made bad decisions and really regretted lots of stuff over the years, I never wake up and say oh that was a good night!! Last time was a few weeks ago and I was a nightmare, totally out of control and I don’t recall much. I don’t struggle not to drink it’s when I do I can’t seem to control it, I just think that I’m a better person sober and not drinking as I’m scared that if I do I will wake up and it would of happened again. Alcohol makes me anxious now before I drink it! I don’t really know what I’m asking but I must have a problem with it as it’s always been the same!! Thanks for listening to me go on and on! X
Hello! 
I’m 30 and my story is similar to yours, except I have spent the last year or so teetotal 
It seemed really scary to start with, and it’s not all been plain sailing, but I’d say it’s worth it.
There is loads of information and support here. The FAQ thread has some pretty good links to have a read through.
Use the search bar, read, check in, reach out when you need to!
Thanks so much, any problems or feelings of shame and hating myself always is because of alcohol, other people go out and get on with their day the next day, while I want to hide and hate myself! It’s not right is it! Tha KS I will ha e a good look x
Well done in being Tee total! I bet u feel great for it!! X
Yes, sober is better. Decide to be better and then be better. If you don’t struggle with saying “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink, then your path to better is clear: say “no” the drink that matters…the first drink. When you do, you win 100% of the time.
Welcome, this is a great place to ask questions and to rant rest assured! I started here last October just a reader…left in January and hit the reset on March 4th. The first time I wasn’t sure I wanted to quit just knew I had to. The second time, full disabling panic attacks after every night of drinking led me back fully admitting that I could no longer do this to myself and wanting to be a better me. Check things out and read here often and always ask/rant!
You are so right! If I haven’t learnt to drink in moderation now I never will! There will always be a chance of black out, a high chance, in black out I am capable of anything, safest way is to not drink at all then I know 
that I’m safe and can wake up every day feeling good. I could say IL only have three drinks and do it but there will always come the time when I won’t do it and will go crazy, I don’t trust myself to put myself in that position! Thanks for taking the time to chat to me, very much appreciated x
It isn’t necessarily easy, but it is that straightforward!
Crikey that is so scary!! I never knew that, yes I always end up blacking out and it is the most scariest feeling not knowing what’s happened and yet I would do it again and again! Well done to you for stopping!! Here’s to a happier future!! Thanks so much
Panic attacks are the worst aren’t they! Good for you for stopping again, there is no point in doing something that makes us feel awful, thanks so much
This discription is EXACTLY what I’m like, I know what your going through, I’m in the same boat!
How are you getting on Shaun? X
Struggling with boredom more than anything! I work all day and go to gym after work but it’s after that were the thoughts get to me, how are you doing so far?
Don’t know where in the world you are, and whether these work outside the UK, but we were chatting about these in the office the other day:
https://www.open.edu/openlearn/
If you’ve got some time on your hands might be worth looking into? I also rate meditation as a way of learning how to deal with life as it is served to you 
Yeah from the UK, I’ll have a look into it! Thanks a lot for the suggestion
Read a book, watch a film and eat nice food! I’m doing ok, I just started doing guided meditations to try and relax in the evenings! Does help a bit x
I am in the same boat. I should have stuck to quitting long ago on previous attempts to do so. I was arrogant and thought I would eventually gain control over myself and would one day be a “normal drinker”. I not fully admit that I have a problem and that I don’t want another drink ever again. I want the better version of me to always be present and I don’t want to hurt myself or the ones I love anymore. I’m only 4 days in and I’m still reeling from the other night and feeling pretty low, but I know it’ll get better and I am working on being kinder to myself. Be kind to yourself and remember all the good things about not drinking.