First 24, been chilling today. Got some more lions mane (mushroom) in the post today. I’ve been taking for a month and is really incredible for anxiety, thing is as soon as I find a new supplement , I just try and drink to outdo the good effects, pointless exercise yes. Still trying to find a way of carrying on being an active addict. Again pointless.
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Glad you’re back here and that you don’t stop trying! Keep looking at things you can do differently in support of your recovery. You CAN do this.
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Sober evening 
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24 hours 7 minutes, had my lions mane last night and this morning and I’m feeling grounded and no anxiety. In an online NA at the moment. Needed some motivation to get myself washed and stuff. Don’t want to think of anything still at the moment, apart from living today sober. I’ve had a coffee and an apple.
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I’m back in the rooms, and have decided to do recovery dharma aswell. I rarely share in meetings in the 20 years I’ve been in and out and that is what I want to look at through recovery dharma. The behaviours surrounding my drinking is what I need to look at honestly with my myself with guidance. I feel like the words offered through recovery dharma are touching me deeper in a different way where I can feel a shift inside where I feel I could actually change deep inside for the better with healthy habits. I toyed with the idea a few years back as I know a place local to me where there’s in person dharma meetings. It feels a bit scary because I feel inside actually that I can change. I have many fears and the last couple of days I have pinpointed them and put labels on them;
Fear of failing
Fear of succeeding
Self worth
Finding my authenticity
Spiritually growing
Understanding what the holes in my soul are and endeavour to heal them
(Addiction is not the problem, it’s the rest of me and I want to know me)
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Great to hear your trying another program. Sometimes changing things up is just what we need to get momentum going. @Thirdmonkey did the same thing and it seems to be working well for him. He has a thread going and all are welcome. I’m sure he’d love to hear about your experience or anything that strikes a chord with you while on this new adventure.
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Yes I saw that; 
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I think recovery dharma will be great. I have their literature. Glad you have a meeting close to you. Would love to here your experience with the group.
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2nd dharma meeting this afternoon (1st was yesterday) over 70 members in today’s meeting! Wow. I like the meetings, I like the words used by the members. A new path, I love the group meditation ; it was really difficult to motivate myself to mediate so it feels good to have daily practice in a group setting.
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I’m going to try some zoom recovery dharma meetings. Need to jump on @Thirdmonkey thread. I think RD is becoming more known and popular. Awesome.
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I’m so glad to see you! And so grateful you’re here. 
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Namaste!
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I tried an 11.30 pm one last night and there was only 9 people and they played a Tara beach meditation which I didn’t like; I prefer when they read the meditation. The 2pm (uk time) seem to be the biggest so far, it must be early morning in USA???
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I’ll check some out. They offer RD locally, but zoom will better accommodate my schedule. I still have my AA and TLC communities that I love, but feeling a little nudge to expand. Recovery is progressive for sure!
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Just realised why I’ve been feeling so sweaty and ill ; started taking Chlorella on Sunday and IT’s promptly detoxing! Must of been full of shit to work so quickly! Middle of the night; woke up from dog barking, I was sleeping so deeply I thought it was already morning so was disappointed to see the time 
. Neurons are firing up again and got a full on couple of months ahead with uni. I’m ready. I did the bare minimum last term but my brain needed the rest; from already 2 years INTENSE studying I had to just keep it to a minimum for a bit. 4 months till end of year 2 (third year studying) 
(I read a great article in Nexus magazine today-reaffirming my minimum studying justification(!) that all through the ages, Middle Ages, back to Hippocrates, practitioners and scientists and doctors wrote about how intense brain/mind work makes toxic waste that can leave the brain dull and to be careful of how much time one spends ‘studying’ or using their brain; kind of makes sense really as it’s all chemical reactions and too much of any chemical (adrenaline/cortisol) is very damaging to the body.
So ; mindful studying with breaks, a day at work, spend time with friends and family, and don’t stress that I’m NOT doing ENOUGH!!
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I have been through the most powerfully emotional weekend and , I dealt with my emotions!!
I had to have a chat after work yesterday with my ex’s girlfriend of an unsavoury situation which happened at 2am on Christmas Day where I had to get my children and my ex to my house away from a volatile woman extremely intoxicated.
Long story short, I forgave her, I explained to her the trauma my children have had and that they need time to forgive her. ( I was humble, slow and careful with words as she was obviously very distraught, anxious and worried) She wants to fix things quickly of course but I said give it time, I accept your apology. I listened to her story and her reasons, I understood her as I have done many many things in my past and I forgave her.
I was overwhelmed with feelings ((( like fuck it’s hard being an adult and being on this side of a situation!!)))after but I listened to them and gave myself positive self talk even tho the thoughts were there to drink to cover them up, but drinking on feelings is what is stopping me from progressing spiritually; I am learning this, I fed myself, gave myself some care in my mind and went to bed. I am feeling every minute of emotions and going through them carefully and slowly. Lots of breathing through the nose. Keeping it in the day, in the moment.
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Feeling like shit still , 7th day of some sort of detox cold thing; haven’t been ill for this long since 2019… a real sweaty one this has one has been! Now it’s all coming out as snotty cold! Keeps me mindful of not overdoing things and replenishing water consistently. Couple of paracetamol plus my long list of morning /daily supplements and we continue 
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I hate those pesky colds that seem to hang on for weeks. I’m so sorry. Sleep is the first thing I try to get when fighting this crap, but may be hard with responsibilities. Hopefully you can at least work from home. Sending healing wishes your way.
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Part of active recovery is keeping things flexible and fresh. I can totally understand how after a long time around one program you might want to try something from a different perspective. I also struggle to do meditation under my own steam. It being a part of a meeting sounds a good way to do it!
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