went salmon fishing on the Naselle tonight. Had a few bites, heading back tomorrow.
I made my husband the kill bag in the picture. I put exterior pockets for poles and tackle, and inside is insulated, with spots to put ice packs to keep em cold.
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Congratulations @Sober_Ninja your two year sobriety date is coming up… proud of you, keep up the good work and stay determined in your resolve. Wishing you peace and serenity in your continued sobriety. 
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The Naselle is a gem. Its one of my favorite rivers. Its the only river I have caught a steelhead, chinook, coho, and chum on the same day. Spinners work really good there.
Big ones, #5, or #6 Blue Fox spinners.
Its also the Washington river that I have caught the most fish in a day on.
Its still a little early. It will get really good in Oct.
I was fishing the peninsula rivers one year and they were slow. I had wanted to check out the Naselle, so I went down there and never left because fishing was so good.
I love that kill bag! Its really cool! I see you have spinners rigged and ready.
Chums arrive first. They like still water and are agressive biters. Chartreuse anything works good on the chums.
I also caught my biggest coho on that river. A 22 pound monster!
Lots of big chinook too.
19 days until I fly home. Just in time for fall chinook in my area. The Elk River, and the Sixes. They are smallish rivers like the Naselle.
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Talking about rivers and fishing, you are telling a story about serenity. When you know how to think like a fish, you know how to get out of your own head and reflect deeply on the experience of another being.
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I have been blessed with alot of good memories fishing. Knowing im not done making them gives me some serenity.
Its been a tough week in dealing with the obstacles between me and my boys.
@Sober_Ninjas post was a nice distraction down memory lane for me this morning.
Im feeling a bit funkish.
I didn’t make any progress last week towards being able to spend quality time with my boys.
I feel kinda paralyzed. I cracked open the door to talk to the sister about whats really going on at their moms.
I havent heard back from her. I havent been pressing the issue because Im scared of the aftermath.
I havent been communicating with my boys like I want to, because I dont know what to say.
I dont know how to not tell them the truth. Im not good at sugar coating my own bullshit, let alone someone elses.
My time here is melting away fast, and I feel guilty for not knowing what to do. How to make it right.
It felt really good to forgive their mother while it lasted, but now I feel the same toxic resentments ive been carrying around for a decade.
I was hoping the sister would have changed a little by now, but she has proven she really doesnt give a shit about me. Still.
My anger is a strong as its ever been.
I was hoping to gets some peace of mind by taking this adventure. Im not feeling it. The same old issues are gnawing at me.
This summer wasnt a total loss, but it could have been alot better.
At least im not on deadbeat dad status anymore. That feels good.
I feel good about my side of the street, but the situation is still completely fucked.
Ive been searching for solution, but havent found it yet. Ill keep searching.
As long as I dont take a drink. Everything is gonna be alright.
I find comfort in that.
Im excited to go home, but feel guilty about it too.
All I feel i can do at this point is go home, crab. Make some money and spend this seasons beer money on attorney fees.
I feel really focused, and confidant I’ll make it through my second crab season sober.
Im very art inspired! Looking forward to that when I get home.
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!Two years since I drank 3 beers, after a year and a half of sobriety. I don’t know what I was thinking. 
Thank you…
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I was using a #4 spinner yesterday. Most of the guys that were catching things seemed to be using the cork lures.
There were 3 guys fishing the same hole for hours and not really letting anyone else in, but they caught, or hooked at least a dozen between them. It was pretty irritating to be slightly downstream and only get a couple small bites while watching them reel em in every 5 minutes.
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I am still hopeful at some point that you will be able to talk to the sister openly, but it doesn’t seem like that will happen. Getting some legal representation is probably the best way to go.
You could write the sister a letter, maybe? Mail it, no return name or address, so you know she will open it? Make copies, or take pictures of it so you have proof of exactly what was written. Maybe she will read and absorb better than if you try to communicate verbally.
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I wonder if you have a heart to heart with your boys before you leave; get it all out there and let them know what you’re up against…without bashing the sisters, if possible. I think they’re old enough now, and would want them to know the truth in case they try to tell them otherwise. A delicate balance for sure, but when you leave, you shouldn’t have anything that should’ve been said… Idk, I’m just thinking what I would do in your situation… 
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The sweet spots can be hard to get to. But now you know where is it. You can beat them to it.
Is the hatchery still there? Theres some boulders that have small holding areas for the salmon that most people over look. Above the hatchery a little bit is my favorite spot. The river takes a hard left, and creates a nice 50 yard pool. The corner is under some trees.
i can tell they want what I want. When I have mentioned that all i wanted was quality time without waiting on anyone else their eyes both lit up.
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going to take a road trip to Evanston Wyoming with a good friend and buy some lotto tickets today.
Im feeling lucky!
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Thank you Jason!!
I had hoped the sister would have come around by now. That’s too bad. You stayed sober thru some pretty tough shit this summer and you should be proud of that (we’re all proud of you).
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The river nearer the hatchery is still closed until Oct. 16th. I will spend lots of time out there the next few weeks, and will come home with at least one this season.
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today its the beginning of my final week here. By about this time next friday, my plane will be landing back on the coast.
Its also my last weekend here. My last opportunity to see the boys before I leave.
I havent been able to connect with their aunt. I havent been able to give them their computers.
I have been in contact with both of them. They both text me. Its been nice. Better than nothing.
Its hard. Because I can be honest. I cant tell them the truth about their mom. I haven’t been bugging their aunt about it because of the war it will start.
Im not supposed to say anything bad about either of them. I have nothing good to say so its ackward and difficult.
Their mom has them this weekend which adds insult to injury. How come the trainwreck gets to spend time with them.
Ive texted her asking about seeing them this weekend and gotten no response its still early so im trying not to get to down.
Im hoping that sharing this will help keep me grounded. My anxiety level is pretty high at the moment…
I’ve been keeping it together pretty good in spite of everything.
Im looking forward to going home. I regret staying the extra month. Work has been slow. We have alot of jobs on the roster. Covid has put the manufacturers behind so the materials arent here.
Idle time. Tightening the money belt. Ive got what I need, not whats my goals are.
I was able to do what I promised.
Nothing that a drink will fix.
My cravings have been minimal. My inner alcoholic runs the occasional shitty ideas through my mind. They have been easy to shoot down.
Staying sober is important to me.
Thats been the biggest transformation. Sobriety means something to me again. I no longer compare my current recovery to my previous, long term recovery.
I no longer think “you had almost ten years, this short amount of time is insignificant, you might as well have a beer. Starting over is no big deal”
Im close to that elusive one year coin! I want it! Im going to get it!
I’ve had to open alot of old wounds during my visit here. Clean the infection out. Get some closure. I recognise that Im exactly where I was when all of this started. Sober. Doing the best I can.
Im going home focused with realistic goals, getting a fair relationship with my boys. Time that I dont have to share with a train wreck.
I have my bond back. It was never lost like I felt it was.
I was so scared coming into this. My own fears made it worse than it was. Far worse.
We live in an uncertain world. I plan to enjoy it regardless. Sober!
My self confidence and self esteem are alot better than they were 11 months ago. A thousand times better.
I talked to my crab boss today. It was good. Hes ready for me to get back. We still have some cod to catch, and some bottomfish. Ill be back on the water soon.
Heres why I love fishing so much. I live in the moment. I dont stress about things I can’t control when Im out there. The adrenaline is huge!
I have big plans for my you tube channel. I have alot of good footage already. Ive learned alot.
My art is waiting for me too. I’m inspired! That feels good!
I got my bond back with my kids.
I navigated through extremely challanging situations without losing my shit and creating more chaos.
Im creating the life I want.
Im doing it. No longer talking about doing it at the bar.
I remember everything I do, and Im proud, not ashamed.
I’m even getting better at not feeding my anger with my thoughts.
Just because it feels the same, doesnt mean its the same. The tides are changing.
Recovery is good!
I feel alot better. My anxiety level has dropped. I’ll go to a meeting tonight. That will be good!
Im staying in the solution!
332 days since my final relapse.
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You’re such an inspiration here, to me. You’ve grown so much with this trip.
Are you going to bring the computers home? Maybe mail them… that sucks if you can’t give them to them. I bow to your composure and restraint!
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Sounds like you you got your shit together there Jason. I’m proud of ya. I pop in and out on your thread once and awhile. You are really handling and overcoming some serious shit. You rock!!
I don’t know much about your boys and your past. But kids aren’t stupid. They know shit. If it’s best you don’t tell them shit about their mom then go with what your heart is telling you. The boys will know what’s up soon enough.
God Bless you and the strength He continues to give you.
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Im going to deliver them the night before i leave without permission if it comes to that.
Thank you! You were a big help in talking me down from my final relapse. Thank you!
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I think they already know. After crabbing I will go to court if I have to.
Last year i was nervous about crabbing and not drinking. This year I look forward to it. Ill throw this seasons beer money towards a lawyer if I have to. Id rather take them someplace fun!
Ill do both!
Thank you!
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