This made me laugh. I’d call that a win! 
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I was on the edge of my seat reading your update Jason. Then I reached the part that she text you back saying you could come for that last visit and I shouted “YEEEESSSS”! You need to write a book. I’m so fucking happy the way that trip ended for you and what great memories you made with your boys. Safe travels and can’t wait to hear about the next chapter in your life.
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I made it home. My skipper picked me up at the airport. We went staight to the candy store.
I call it the candy store because they sell every kind of fishing gear imaginable.
We loaded up the truck with crab gear to get ready by Dec 1st. We have 100 brand new pots to build.
Hes getting a new crab block. New buoys and rope for everything…hes throwing down some money. Hes not messing around. I like that!
These new pots will cycle out some that dont fish as well. Our gear is nice. We’re going to be styled and dialed. Luck favors the prepared.
Crabbing rarely actually opens on Dec. 1st. Alot of factors depend on opening. They rarely allign by Dec 1st. So i should get some time to paint again while we wait for it to start.
After we dropped the gear off at the shop, I went went and checked on my stuff. Everythings good!
I went to the beach and caught the sunset, came to the dock where i keep seeing friends and catching up. Its been a busy day.
Im hanging out on the boat now. Its blowin.
Weather lookin like Tuesdays good. Im excited! Back on the water!
I’ve been texting with my kids today too. Thats been awesome.
It been a busy day! Im feeling really good. Another one tomorrow!
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Glad to hear you made it home safe and sound. Is there any other work you can do between now and crabbing season? commercial fishing? Or will you just focus on your hobbies? I apologize for my ignorance, I’m not familiar with the different seasons but I’m learning from you.
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There are other opportunities to stay busy. Gear work is going to be the main focus, on nice days we have nearshore bottomfish. And some cod, so I’ll have some income.
I want to make art and do art shows in between seasons. This boat fishes year round. Summer and fall it focuses on cod, salmon, and tuna.
Crabbing doesn’t end until aug 15th.
Some boats crab for six weeks then do other fisheries. Most big boats, 60 plus footers go shrimp fishing, or squid, anchovies, herring,
Were going to crab until April 15th.
In the summertime they cut the quota down to 1200 pounds a week. They are worth more a pound so its a good payday for running gear once a week.
Its riskier for losing gear. Heavy summer currents drag the buoys under, big boats run them over or drag them off.
After the rope and traps have been in the water several months, all kinds of things start growing on the ropes. It makes them heavy adding to the risk of losing them.
We will do other fisheries after that, salmon season starts in late April.
On the prison ship. It was all life cosuming. When i did have a day off I was exhausted, or healing. Both.
When I felt better just started feeling better it was time to do it again.
They have burnt through 4 different guys since i quit. Leo has quit twice this year.
I walked close to their gear yard today. I could hear them bitching about something. I turned around to avoid having to waste sunset time talking to them.
I dont miss their negativity.
The warden may be sober for 9 years, but he’s a miserable dry drunk. Hes dishonest and he is extremely selfish.
He makes a shit ton of money has everthing and hes miserable.
I need to be nice to him. He still has some of gear and still hasn’t paid the bar that I cashed my paychecks at.
I’ll kill him with kindness, if that dont work ill blast him on the commercial fishing page on facebook.
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I’ve been home for a week. I’ve been really busy.
I’ve been looking for a place to rent, but havent had any luck. Im staying at the shop on our gear yard. Its alright, but I havent had much time for myself.
Staying at work means there always someone around, and theres always work to do. Its got a comfortable bed and a bathroom/shower, and a kitchen. I sleep good. Im grateful.
The RV park I stayed at got sold. The new owners are adding new sites and will have one ready in approximately six weeks. Thats the best option I have at the moment.
Im not going to stress about it. It will work out.
My kids text me alot. Thats been good! Really good. They love their computers. That makes me feel good.
They are already excited for next year. I am too!
The holidays are going to be good and easy this year. The empty void I felt from losing contact with my kids had been filled.
The holidays have been when my worse alcoholic behavior loves to thrive!
I try to numb the pain with booze and become an even more wreckless drunk. That has been my routine since I relapsed in 2011.
After the holidays, sometimes Id try and get sober. I’d have done something or scared myself with near death drinking binges that would make me want to quit. It didn’t last very long because I didn’t change people, places and things.
Last year after my final relapse in early November,
I was feeling down. The holidays were coming.
I stayed sober through them and felt every feeling. I knew I had to change the situation with my kids to find inner peace. I had forgotten what inner peace felt like.
Sometimes drinking gave me peace, but that was temporary. With a huge price tag. My sanity, and my health.
I didnt even know where to start. It was overwhelming. I became willing to do whatever it took to change it.
The universe made it happen. It opened the door for me and I took the action.
Sobreity allowed me to accomplish that. It couldnt have happened if I was drinking.
The holidays are going to be good this year!
Being back home in my po-dunk coastal town feels good.
Its still a drinking town with a fishing problem.
My skipper started drinking before I left. He still is. I don’t like it.
I havent heard anything bad about it. It seems to be under control. I know his history, and I feel like the control wont last, but I have to let nature take it course.
I’m powerless over his decisions. He wasn’t hungover and didn’t drink on our cod trip. It was a great day. We caught what we were after. Everyone was on their A-game.
I visited one of my best friends.
I hadnt been hanging out with him because he drinks, and I have “slipped” many times when I was staying sober by hanging out with him.
We got sober one time together. We were going to AA together. He made it three weeks and decided to buy a six pack. I made it five weeks and joined him. I’ve thrown away ninety days hanging out with him.
He called me a couple of times while I was in Utah, so I wanted to stop by.
It was 9am and he was already drinking beer. We caught up, and he bitched about life. He got a DUI this summer.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. I left feeling greatful for all the changes i have made.
Im looking forward to getting my own space, but other than that life is awesome!
I cant make other people want to stay sober, but I can watch all the problems it causes, and be thankful that I choose not to drink.
We’ve been getting our gear work done. We hired my buddy who was on the boat that capsized last year. We have a solid crew. That feels good!
My inner alcoholic hasnt had much to say lately. My recovery thinking is stronger these days.
I feel very goal driven these days. Focused. Comfortable in my own skin. I even like myself. I feel proud!
347 days since my final relapse!
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Sometimes drinking gave me peace, but that was temporary. With a huge price tag.
Funny how we can obsess on those fleeting moments and ignore the hours of pain that is the inevitable result of picking up.
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I’m glad you’re settled (kind of, I guess) back home and keeping busy! It sounds like the end of your trip went really well and I’m so happy for you.
I love the “since my final relapse” line too, I think that’s so great. I love the finality and certainty of the idea. As always, thanks for sharing your story with us, you really could write a book!
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Calling it that has been good. This summer being so far out of my comfort zone there were a few times, my inner alcoholic was working me.
It helps me shut him down.
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Weve been building and painting buoys. half way done. We fish a 300 pot permit. New bouys for everything!
Some crews drink beer all day and get a couple hours worth of work done. Weve been grinding getting a full days work done.
Skippers the only drinker and hes been waiting until the end of the day.
Coworker number one doesnt drink. He does drugs. He claims he off the herion, but everyone suspects hes not. Same with the meth. Hes the weakest link in our crew.
Co worker number two is recovering herion addict. Drinks occasionally. I worked with him on the prison ship. I know he can get the job done.
Skippers beers havent been attractive to me at all. Hope it stays that way! He is a really good fisherman and his skills have impressed me. Last year when he wasnt drinking was awesome!
I heard there is an AA meeting open on monday. Im going to go, and stay as active as I can.
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Crabbing is the absolute best and most fun fishery ive done. But up our way they only show up once every 5 to 6 years. I
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I hope they show up this year!
Crabbing is fun! Loaded pots! Smoking through gear, its addicting!
I missed most of salmon season this year. We have two really good rivers close to home. The commercial season just opened for them. Big grade fish. Close to the beach, in shallow water. Strong fish!
Its hit or miss. We hit yesterday. My first trip back. Huge adrenaline! We had the whole bay to ourselves.
We had to do a cod trip today. It was our only weather window for offshore. We got what were were after.
Three successful trips since I got back home. Im loving being back on the water.
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We need to get a crab pot this year. Last year I bought the little laso’s and those got us nothing.
So far, 2 years in Washington, and I’ve caught 3 small crab- not keepers, and a couple small trout, and not a damn thing else.
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Things are going really well.
I’ve been working a lot. I haven’t had time to find a place, but works going to slow down a bit next week so I plan to find something.
I’ve had to be around alcohol more than Id like to. it hasn’t been a temptation. I feel really comfortable and content in recovery. The obsession has been removed. I no longer feel like I’m missing out on anything.
I talk to my boys frequently, and I’m happy. My self confidence and self esteem are better than I can remember ever being. I just feel grateful. Grateful to be alive, and sober.
My skipper has been keeping his shit together. That’s probably my biggest concern at the moment. I know I can change my life if I have to. I feel a freedom like I haven’t felt in a long time.
I haven’t been able to paint yet, but I’m keeping my inner artist busy with photography, and filming and making videos from our fishing trips.
This is setting a 21 tub set for Black Cod. three and a half miles of rope with three thousand three hundred sixty baited hooks.
this is the catch…
One year ago today I was headed into my final relapse! I hated myself. Today, I love myself, and Im proud of myself.
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So proud of you, and FOR you. I was pretty sad last year reading about how your vacation went. So so happy that you came home and put in that work. .
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My dad talks about fishing this way. It was outlawed out here in the mid 90s. Pretty cool to see! He always called it “stuck gear”
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Keep up the good work, you’ll be sober in Hawaii having a great time 
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I have been crazy busy lately! Its good though. Ive been fishing alot! And grinding on gearwork when im not.
Our gear is 2/3 ready to fish. This week we will finish and it will slow down until crab opener…
I did it! I made it one year without a drop of alcohol in my bloodstream. One year and six days today!
Physically, I feel great! When hangovers became normal I didnt realize how much until it effected me physically. I injured myself more because I wasnt always on my A game when I got on the boat.
Its really cool to see and feel the difference now. That alone is makes recovery worth it.
Mentally im 1000 percent better that I was when I found this place 20 months ago.
I had impending doom anxiety. Alot of it. I was paranoid. I was disgusted with myself, and hated myself. My self esteem and self confidence was shit.
I knew I needed to quit and stay quit. Each relapse took me deeper into an already dark place.
Today, I feel fantastic! No impending doom anxiety. Currently my anxiety level is lower than I can ever remember it being. I currently have nothing to be anxious about.
Ive been enjoying my time on the water. I think alot out there. Im really satisfied with the direction ive taken my life in recovery.
I’ve fixed my biggest heartache, and everything else seems small, and insignificant.
I feel at peace within myself.
Instead of feeling like im missing out on all the fun when other people drink, I know that I get to live a good life.
Im allergic to alcohol. Im am an alcoholic. I become a destructive, toxic person.
The exact opposite of who I am in recovery.
I havent been able to get to a meeting since I’ve been home. So Ive been carrying this.
This is my one year coin that I carried on my key ring for almost nine years. I quit carrying it when I decided I could try to drink like a gentleman unsuccessfully for eight years.
I reflect upon my previous recovery alot. It blows me away at how powerful alcoholism is and how fast my thinking changed. How long I tried to make drinking work after staying sober for so long.
It makes me feel humble today. And greatful. Ive been given alot of chances. I dont want to fuck this one up!
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My latest video from our North Beach salmon season.
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Congratulations on your year. I am really thankful that you have taken the time to document your experiences on this thread. Your stories have played an important part in my recovery, so, thank you.
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