Alcoholic fisherman in recovery

Life in Recovery
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6 months today!

180 days of no blackouts. No treating people like shit. No fights. I havent made an ass out of myself in any way for six months!

Thats what makes sobriety worth it!

I relapsed at 9.5 years sobriety. I thought i was missing out on something and after putting alot of thought into it. I drank a beer.

Although i didnt realize it at the time, the same denial i had about alcohols effect on me before i quit took over.

I spent eight years trying to make it work when in reality it was working me.

I didnt quit drinking and using drugs because i was having fun when i quit for 9.5 years. Quitting was hard!

I followed suggestions. They suggested ninty meetings in ninety days. I thought they were insane! I ended up doing it.

That made me a part of the fellowship. I met alot of people and made sober friends. I did service work, and i had a homegroup. A meeting I rarely missed and got to develop great friendships with people because i saw them once a week or more.

I worked the steps and helped other work the steps. I worked the steps alot in those 9.5 years.

I had horrible life on lifes terms shit happen around 6 years sober. My sober friends helped me walk through a couple of years of dark times sober.

Things were going pretty good. I started to feel like i was missing out on something. I drank a beer.

It went good! So i did it again, this time i drank a few. Then i went to the bar! I had fun!
I didnt know it at the time, the fun wasnt worth it.

It didnt take long for alcohol to start managing me. The denial was stronger than my desire to stop. So I spent 8 years making an ass out of myself and flirting with death.

My when to say when meter doesnt work.

What i find interesting about me it that when i start drinking all my AA knowlege, and recovery knowledge doesnt even matter. I dont think about it at all.

I also learned that even though i stayed sober through painful things and didnt start drinking to numb myself. Once i started drinking i became numb and i liked it alot.

Im just grateful that drinking caused me enough pain to have six months sober today.

Im a drink away from getting drunk…

I choose not to drink today!:muscle:

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Wow. You have alot of inner strength. Good job…!

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Amazing and awesome keep it up​:blush::+1:

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Nice one Jason.

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Jason, this resonates so true to my life as well. We know so much, but when I pick up again, it doesn’t matter. The addiction completely takes over. I turn into a different person devoid of everything that recovery has ever taught me.

Glad you’re with us now. And a huge congratulations on your 6 months.

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Stuck with me too! Thank you

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Dude, that is so Inspiring man. Thank you so much for sharing, Brother. I can relate to you so much. Especially the positive effects of sobriety. Never in a million years I thought I would feel like this. And the Money saved? I’m fucking dumbfounded on how much wasted money I’ve spent… Again, thanks for sharing!

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That’s great to hear about the work situation. I hope it works out for the best! If you feel tempted post in the forum and someone will talk you down! Congrats!!!

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@JasonFisher 6 months is fantastic! You should be very proud of yourself! You are an inspiration to many around here including myself. When you speak, I listen. Your words always resonate with me. I’m at 70 days today. Some days are easy, others are hard. Being a new Dad keeps me busy and focused. My Son is the reason I don’t drink. He deserves the best, present Dad possible. As always, continued luck on your journey brother and keep us updated!

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I was getting ready to go to the farm and decided not too. As i was getting ready i realized that long hours with no chance for meeting surrounded by drinkers was not in my best interests.

Ive been thinking alot about my past drinking behaviors.

I worked on the farm a few years ago. When i started i was trying to quit drinking. I think i had 30 days or so of sobriety. Out in the field i heard others planning to go to the bar after work. Im a good worker so everyone liked me and they invited me.

I reluctantly went with the intention of not drinking, but beers were bought for me and I caved. Then i went and had drinks everyday after work with the crew.

I snuck a few beers in while working too. Oregons cannabis farm laws are really strict and drinking on them is a big violation, but being the alcoholic I am, I took the risk.

I liived behind the illusion of being a functioning alcoholic when i drank. I always made it to work. I used that to hide any potential that drinking was a problem for me. I believed that myself, so it must be true!

As I was rushing to get ready to go work on the farm i realized i havent taken five minutes for myself.

So i decided not to go.

Ive been painting the last couple of days. Im new to painting. And im loving it. I used to draw alot. And im pretty good at it. So painting feels like an extension of drawing. And im learning something new which is awesome!

It helps feel the void of time not going to the bar and/or hanging out with my drinking buddies.

Having a steadier hand than if i was still drinking is a bonus!

Im getting call and messages from many different boats too. Which is cool. Its scary quitting a good job.

There is an AA meeting tonight. I get to pick up my six month coin! Im excited about that. Ive been the guy who gets newcomer chips for eight years!

The holidays are around the corner. Im not very excited about that. Holidays are tough for me. Xmas is anyways.

I’ve checked out on the last few. Almost dranks myself to death a couple of years ago not wanting to feel anything.

I plan to feel it all this year! Bleh… pains a good motivator though. I hope to be able to fix some things next year so i can maybe enjoy the holidays.

Xmas wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt forced down your throat for 3 months.

Its kinda like alcohol… Its everywhere whether I want it to be or not.

Over all im feeling good. Content being sober. Im grateful for that.

Thanks foar all your support! It means alot! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

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I found this yesterday. I like it!

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Love love love this dude!!! WELL DONE my friend!!! You are putting yourself, your wellbeing and your sobriety first and that’s a beautiful thing to read. :heart: I would also love to see your paintings! I dabble in that for fun as well but it’s been a little while since I’ve done much. Really, great job and thanks for sharing, it is very motovating! What’s your favorite change now that you’ve hit 6 months? Congrats Jason, thats really all fantastic stuff!

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I loved this post Jason. This will sound weird but I want to say my heart filled with joy reading it! Thanks.:blush:

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Its hard to pick a favorite.

Being able to read that letter backwards.

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There is so much gold in this post!

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I got really into fishing about 30 years ago. Some of the other capenters were going steelhead fishing in washington. They’d go there drink beer all weekend and fish. Beer was a good excuse to invite myself, so i went. I got into it and started exploring rivers. I got addicted. It taken me to magical places.

Catching fish was a bonus.

Its always been good for me.

Commercial fishing is like that too. Im addicted! I see amazing things. I love the adventure.

My hard to work with coworker was killng the magic. I had to switch it up.

I wish i would have started commercial fishing 30 years ago. I’d own a really nice boat.

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I picked up my 6 month coin last night.

It was a really awesome meeting!

Really hard to come back to AA. I dunno why. It just has. There really arent any good reasons. I guess my inner alcoholic likes to keep me isolated.

Im really glad I’ve found the willingness to come back in the rooms. As always theres a chair waiting for me .

Old friends still care… New friends to get to know. In this town a room full of people that dont want to drink is unusual. Im grateful for the support.

One of the things that bothers me about my initial relapse is how my alcoholism was so powerful that I walked away from those friendships.

I didnt even look back. I was too busy trying to drink like a gentleman. I chose to spend my time with non sober people. Most of them arent that great of people.

Some of my friends passed away while i was gone. I really regret not valuing those friendships more.

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Alcoholism keeps us selfish and it tries to isolate and take everything from us, including our own lives.

Edit wasn’t done typing.

Unless we choose to do things differently. And that’s when we take our life back and get as many of the things that really matter to us back that we can in our lives. Sorry to hear about your losses but I’m glad you gained your sober family back

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Awesome job. Keep it up. I have avoided hanging with friends also because I’m not ready to test my will power just yet.

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6 months 7 days sober…

Ive been feeling really good!

Im packing today, to go on vacation.

According to this app I have saved over 3800 dollars at twenty dollars a day on booze.

Thats really close to what my vacation cost. Im going to Kauai for a week. Thats flight, resort and awesome activities for two people.

Im spending a few days in salt lake city. My date lives there. So do my kids. Although, I most likely wont be able to visit my kids. Im gonna poke around and start jumping through whatever hoops i have to jump through to change that.

I was sober when she moved away with the kids. It was a nasty divorce, she played dirty and has made it hard for me.

I didnt relapse over any of that. I relapsed when things were starting to get better. Life was going really good when i decided to try and drink like a gentleman. I figured the situation with my kids would work itself out in the long run.

When I made attempts and hit obstacles, I drank hard. And time flies.

When i relapsed my inner alcoholic made it sound innocent. In reality, it took the steering wheel over and didnt let go.

I cant numb the pain anymore. So i have to face it!

I grew up in slc and have alot of friends there. I got sober there and it lasted nine and a half years. Im gonna check out a couple of meetings i used to go to while im there.

A few of my old friends that i used to party hard with are sober now. Im going to visit them.

It boggles my mind how many positive changes I’ve been making in my life.

I’ve never taken a vacation like this.

I never would have started painting.

I reconnected with my inner artist while i was sober for 9.5 years. About 5 years sober life on life terms became a real asshole. It was like one horrific event after another. I didnt drink…

I was suicidal, homicidal and hurt. Broken… I started taking photos of wildlife sharing them online and people loved it! I loved it!
Life on lifes terms was still kicking my ass!

Work was slow so i started making furniture. Im a carpenter. It made me feel good! I built some awesome furniture

One of my AA buddies carved a cedar chest. I decided to try it. It turned out good. That felt really good! I kept making them.

My AA buddy and i decided to rent a booth to sell our carved furniture at a chainsaw carving event. 20 thousand people attend it over fathers day weekend.

I watched the carvers, got inspired and started chainsaw carving. I loved it!

I entered the event the following year and it was awesome! I felt rockstar status!

It was at that event where i really started entertaining the idea of drinking like a gentleman.

The other carvers where drinking beer, having fun! I wanted that!

I was nine years sober. I thought hard about it for six months before i decided to do it.

I had walked through the death of my son, my wife relapsing, a brutal nasty divorce, her taking the kids 1500 miles away and making it really hard to see them. The economy tanked. My construction company went out of business. My home forclosed. Vehicles repossessed My dog died. I lost everything! In that order.

I walked through all of it sober. Art saved me.

I stayed sober for several years without seeing my kids… thats been the most traumatizing experience of my life.

I had an awesome new life developing. I was happy when i took that first drink.

Ive done everything the program suggests multiple times. I know recovery.

It boggles my mind how hard it was to come back!

The longer I drank the less art i made. I hadnt done any art the last couple years.

Im really into painting! I love it!

Making changes in my life to persue it again excites me!

Dont take that first drink!

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